The Million Dollar Admiral

I am an engineer, its one of my core identities. I also like being a consultant, either formally hired to do a project, or by serving on a board or just being asked by a friend for input. 

My social media handle says, "I use OutSight and creativity to solve community problems." 

In early 2013 a friend suggested I go work at La Casa de Amistad. They were hiring a new director, and while I had volunteered there a little and loved the mission, but I was not sure I was the right fit. I had worked the previous 11 years in higher education, and I knew very little about being an Executive Director. I applied. 

In 2016 the La Casa board of directors approved "Vision 2020 and Beyond" the document to guide the future of La Casa de Amistad. It was the product of about a year long process of focus groups, interviews, surveys, etc. We still didn't know where we were going (physically), but we knew it was up, we knew it was bigger, we knew it had to be what our community deserved. Email me if you want a copy. 

We got to work. We planned. We plotted. We went BOLD. 

During the project, and many of you might of heard this speech, but I often called the new La Casa center the battleship. The analogy played out in a few ways, from that ship we could keep people safe, from that ship we could reach farther, do more, and be a bigger force for good.

I am an engineer. La Casa hired an engineer to help build a battleship. I wrote a little more in a previous blog post about that process, Battleship Engineer. 

I knew, that when the project was done I would transition to something else. I knew my mistakes of the past could set us back, I knew my skills and what I could provide had been used, I knew that La Casa needed a new leader, with different skills, with a changed focus to usher in the next age of La Casa de Amistad. Its the nature of things; you love something, you want better for it, let it go. 

La Casa now needed an admiral to steer that battleship. 

They found that admiral in Juan. I have meant to write this blog of appreciation to La Casa for the opportunity to serve, and to congratulate him and the org overall, on their next big success for over a year. With each big win, they accomplished the things in the strategic plan, in our dreams and in our vision of success. Each time, before I get to write something, they are onto the next big thing. 

CONGRATS

Juan you are an inspiration to many and as we all know, the work of the entire team at La Casa makes a difference in the lives of so many. To those who ask, yes I absolutely miss the work, but I absolutely know it was the right decision to leave, knowing La Casa would do bigger and better things than I ever did. 

I tell you this a lot Juan, but I am proud of you. You probably just think I use that word a lot, but I don't. I also know, that you know, that people think this is about personal glory and gain, and I know that its not for you, and its why you are so damn good at that job. I also know you must feel the weight of being perfect, and the stress of being out front is tiring, I know. I hope you know the number of people backing you, supporting you, lifting you when you are tired, and know that every fight you are in with the battleship, you are not alone. 

La Casa Battleship Engineer

People ask me a lot; do I miss working at La Casa, why did I leave, am I proud of what they have accomplished (with each new big announcement)?

Posted two blogs, this one as I reflected on my path and journey with La Casa. The struggles the successes, and I thought I would document and organize a little around what it was like and why I thought it was the right thing to do to leave. I posted Million Dollar Admiral first on social media, and saved this one to share later. Here goes...

In early 2013 a friend suggested I go work at La Casa de Amistad. They were hiring a new director, I had volunteered there and loved the mission, but I was not sure I was the right fit. I had worked the previous 11 years in higher education, in undergrad I studied engineering, and I knew very little about being an Executive Director. 

I applied. 

During the application process I was clear about my skills, things I do well, but also things I don't do well or at least didn't have experience in doing. During the interview, on a tour of the building, the president of the board while squeezing around corners, stepping over supplies, ducking below pipes in the basement teen space... told me that same day they want to expand the center. 

My favorite photo outside of the old center. 

I made the final round, and I started my time discerning and doing research on if I thought I was the right person for the job. I researched other similar centers, I reached out to people with non-profit experience (both local and around the country), and said, I can do this, and we can build a new center, the center this organization, and the community deserves. 

The job was a massive pay-cut, I refinanced my house to afford the mortgage, I started doing more consulting and speaking, and I put the Z in storage as I knew I wouldn't have money to finish getting her ready to race (Me and My Z)... 

As background, I am engineer by education, worked briefly as an automotive design engineer. Luckily it didn't stick, but I nicknamed the new building our battleship during the process. I thought of the design, the input, the outputs, the campaign and the fundraising as building a battleship. 

I won't go into the all the details of my work there, our campaign, why I loved it, but I can reference a few milestones that I did blog about here (click links later if you have time, quick overviews below): 

Labor of Love (2013)
My blog announcing my job... Novalí holding the paper and me proud to talk about the announcement making it into TWO news articles... start of a trend. 

I sat between Two Giants (2013)
About sitting a local rally, between two long time Latino community leaders. One namely Gregorio Chavez, my dear dear friend, who a year later I played a part in his induction into the South Bend Hall of Fame and who I miss, and this community missed and we will never be the same without him. 

Walk with Father Jenkins
Many, many, many leaders came alongside this work. I wrote this when I got to chat with Father Jenkins (ND President) one on one, and a few months ago I did the same with Father Dowd the incoming president. I have been blessed with leaders and people I got to meet because of this job, from Dolores Huerta to Greg Chavez, from Anderson Cooper to Lou Nanni (ND Development)... the people who came alongside my work humbled me and lifted me up. 

No Longer the New Guy (2014)
Two years in... and you can feel my inspiration knowing we were on the path to success. Also one of my favorite pictures of Cruz with his Yo Puedo Leer classmates. I said click these later, but for real click this one and check out my dude now quick...

One Million for La Casa (2016)
It took my first three years to raise over a million dollars... with annual budget of $300k when I started, it was a process to grow. I knew we couldn't have a successful campaign without growing the organization naturally and sustainably. 

Not Just About Tacos Sometimes (2017)
When my dear friends at Taqueria Chicago were a finalist for Taco Wars. I was reminded of some of my roots in doing my current job. I have been working with minority owned businesses and advocating for their success well before I joined CDFI Friendly. 

I am that Latino, but I am not that Latino 
I wrote a few blog posts, The Quechua Gringo and others, as I reflected and grew into better and fuller and prouder thoughts on my Latinidad. 

I Can't Dance (2019)
Blog about being in the cast of In The Heights... one of the more fun, and very big stretch for me, that was caused by my connection to community and wanting to be a good role model for others on doing hard things. I did it. 

I Am Sorry 
The blog I never posted. I was not sure if it would help. I wanted to apologize for things I did wrong, to ask for forgiveness, to ensure that my mistakes didn't make my family, or my work, look bad. There is a demand for leaders to be perfect, it is stressful, I didn't want my mistakes to hurt La Casa. I kept it in, went about my grind, and after that I didn't blog much. 

WHEW... OKAY... 

If you are ever bored, go to my blog and search for Amistad, Chavez, La Casa, or Latino and find some fun reflections. I always say I need to get back to writing more and I keep wanting to and as you all know I have a lot to say... just often no time to document it. 

So again where was this blog going? It started as a set up to congratulating Juan and La Casa, but kinda turned into a trip down memory lane. So I made two blogs. 

A part of the story is missing on my timeline and in blogs, I stopped doing media interviews, I stopped posting, and I focused the attention away from me in 2019. I knew I would be transitioning in a year or two, and I went more behind the scenes. I left just before the official ribbon cutting, and it was hard not speaking at the ribbon cutting, hard not being in a staff picture while receiving their latest big grant... but it is what was best for the organization, and I was right, look at them! 

Check the other blog, I left because my work there was done, the next phase, would be better served by someone else. Like I tell people, La Casa hired an engineer to build the battleship, and then they needed an admiral to drive it around... they found that admiral in Juan Constantino. Read that blog here.

Thank you to the people who still sending me notes of appreciation, and a great donor friend who emailed me congratulating me... so many people made this work possible, it was my blessing to help design and be a cog in that machine. 

Like the quote says, "If you love something, set it free." It has never left me, just is in my life in another way and is flourishing more than I ever imaged. 

I am still a part of it, and always will be. 

My SLBEF Why Reminder

This weekend I got a reminder of why I love SLB and dedicate time to help grow the SLB Education Foundation. That reminder came from none other than Ric. 

Thousands around the country and world call him Founding Father Ricardo Zamudio... but to me he has just been Ric for a long time. This weekend walking into a diner we got asked how long have you all known each other... and I think it was 2000 when I first met Ric. 

I became a part of Sigma Lambda Beta when I crossed on April 17, 1999... I think I went online right around now to start pledging. So its been 25 years... and a couple of my line Brothers and I are talking about a little 25th anniversary reunion tour... the memories of road trips to chapters all over, clubs from LA to NYC, conferences from DC to Oakland, baby showers, weddings, funerals, and everything in between. I served on the national board of the fraternity, and now serve as a national trustee for our charitable arm. 

It was MLK Weekend and we were in Atlanta so we did a stop at the National Center for Civil and Human Rights. Outside the building was a quote, not from MLK, but it helped me get the juices flowing about our work, that of a small historically Latino fraternity, and its foundation. 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." ~ Margaret Mead

We fundraise from members and friends so we can give scholarships and grants to members/chapters for programs, AND we now manage a nearly $500,000! Not bad for a historically Latino fraternity founded in the middle of corn fields (Iowa) with a whole lot of nothing, that we turned into something special. Ric has been there since the beginning and still keeps giving of his time, talent and treasure. 

So how did Ric remind me why we do what we do this weekend... it is small acts of service to each other that make the world a better place. I am a runner, and I lamented not packing warm enough clothes for the trip to run. Ric after we went to bed texted me, "hey Bro, I left out my gloves, head warmer and purple hoodie for you". Sure enough, when I got up to run, on a chair by the front door, warm gear. I ran five miles in 26 degree temp. Ric helps people be better, and has given his time thoughtfully, and tirelessly to help others. 

Thank you Ric, for all you have done for me and for SLB. (don't worry, I am working on the draft annual report and will get it done soon, but I had to pit stop to write this). 

Hey... you can give as well to help the good work along. Member or not, contributions are accepted here: https://slbfoundation.com/

Post Injury Workouts with Dude

Quick catch up for those who don't see all my Instagram stories. 

Fall 2023 Cruz was on his middle school football team. He shared snaps as the quarterback, they had one cool play where for his first snap in the game he would line up as a running back, and get a lateral from the starting QB and then throw... his completion was 100%, and two for touch downs. Then the team was onto the fact that he could throw, and he would take turns at snaps. 

Their season was not great, new coach, new program, and mostly 7th grades in the starting line up. They lost more than they won, but their sportsmanship was better, and their teamwork improved despite a worse record. In the last game of the season... dude got sacked, by maybe the biggest guy on the other team... he came out and coaches thought he dislocated his shoulder. In talking to him I knew that wasn't the case, we had him sleep it off on the couch... but in the morning it was clear that it was most likely his collarbone. A few trips running around doctor to doctor confirmed... broken collarbone. 

He was bummed, this would mean he would miss basketball season. Luckily no surgery, just a sling for 6-8 weeks. He was good through the regular x-rays and doctor visits, toward the end of the time he was out of sling often and once got jostled and we went to doctor just in case.. it was fine. He was cleared for new sling and non-contact regular activity, and contact sports and skiiing/snowboard after Christmas... 

So the first week out of the sling... made dude workout with me! He was excited to be out of the sling, not excited about that at all. I got a good Tracy Steen work out on, and we went to work... man was he rusty! It was a good example of why it is important to train, in just 6 weeks in a sling his left arm was not able to do same weight or reps of his right arm. It was a good chance to push him a little, but also teach about why you have to train, why I work hard training and running, and that now him and I have to work out weekly and during break try to get him balanced out and ready for sports again. 

I try to be a good example of fitness and health to the kids, and of trying to eat well and make them eat vegetables... I am less strict on my Keto now, eating more balanced myself. I did some intermittent fasting when training for my last triathlon (Blog About that) and went alcohol free again for a while... it all makes a difference and like I said not just for my health, but also as an example to the kids. 

Want to change the world?

I hear this a lot, I want to change the world! I also regularly hear people complain about what is wrong with the world... but they aren't doing anything to fix it. I remember my frustration this summer over the Supreme Court ruling on affirmative action... how mad everyone was, but honestly not only not doing anything to help fix it, but actually actively doing the things that created, continue, and cultivate the environment that allows those injustices to stand. It made me think... 

Getty Images from: Article

The world is not changed by what you think,
the world is changed by how you act. 

Maybe a new mantra for me, or maybe a way that I share and engage with people. For years I mentioned how social media advocacy didn't get us anywhere, declaring on social media that you believe something doesn't help that thought become our reality. Yes I know believing in the right thing matters, it is the start, and that talking about those things is a foundation for progress, but if it stop at believing and discussing, we don't get anywhere. It requires action to create change. 

I wrote a draft blog, called "Affirmative Reaction" days after the SCOTUS ruling. All my friends on social media were up in arms, and as predicted a month went by and everyone forgot. Here is what I penned then: 

"If you are mad that affirmative action is gone, and posted about it from your fancy car parked next to your rich suburban neighborhood, and your kids went to private school and only had one minority friend… your self segregation helped cause the problem and perpetuate what required affirmative action in the first place. 

Maybe move to and invest in a neighborhood that your parents fled, send your kids to the public schools your friends mock, and try to integrate this world instead of continuing to enjoy your segregated life that benefits you and blame a couple justices for why our communities are disadvantaged. Your actions, and thousands of similar ones, created the injustice that affirmative action sought to repair... so maybe we can repair the original injustice instead of blaming the removers of a system patch. 

You can’t be part of and contribute to the problem and complain others hanve't solved it yet."

I didn't post it, once again, sharing those words maybe would not make a difference, and I didn't want to act like I was on a high horse about what I am doing. I guess I just want to continue to act, to volunteer with our struggling schools, to keep my kids in diverse public schools, find ways to invest in the neighborhoods that need it the most, etc. 

Not even sure why I am posting this, I might not even share it to social media. I want to ask, what are we doing? How are we going to create progress? 

Every day kids in my community go without, and I don't just mean food or shelter (which does happen), but I mean kids that honestly will have little to no opportunity, they will end up in a worse position than their parents and society will blame them... society won't blame the people who took the food out of their mouths, defunded their schools, and hired more police to keep them in line. They will grow up feeling like a failure... but they didn't fail, we failed them. We tripped them, laugh at them, and then tell them to get up and succeed like those who not only weren't tripped, but who got a head start. 

I don't have the solutions, but if we don't address these root causes of issues we will continue to decay. If we look away from the ways we have helped create the problem and expect someone else to solve it... we will be lost forever. 

3rd Place at my 2nd Barron Lake Triathlon

Competed today in the Barron Lake Triathlon and took 3rd Place in my age division (of 7). While better than my 4th place (of 4) in the race four years ago, I missed my goal time... the one respite of the lack of hitting my times was that it appears the swim distance might have been off (longer). Here are the times I got in 2019, my goal times, and what I got today (unofficial still). 

                                           2019               Goal             2023 (unofficial)
Swim (500 meters)            12:21              10:00            16:39
Bike (15 miles)                  53:32              48:00            54:18
Run (5k)                            27:29              26:00            25:40
Total (+ transitions)          1:37:31                                1:40:04 

I set fairly aggressive goals... Especially on the swim, which actually ended up throwing off my day. I got out of the water and saw it took me 16 minutes and I was feeling really defeated. Most competitors marked it at around 600 not 500... and my times had me at 2:20 per 100... so I should have finished in under 12 (beating my 2019 time). We will see if they adjust what the swim length was, but hey we all swam the same distance. 

The bad swim I let get to me at first... it threw me off going into the transition, plus it was sprizting and I struggled to clip into my bike. My goal time there was 48 minutes, with the super slow start, could I make up the 4 minutes that I was off my pace from before? Time would tell that was a no... the first half of the bike ride I was feeling bad for myself a little, really disappointed and my timing computer on my bike didn't reset right so I wasn't able to monitor well how I was doing. 

My goal was 25 minutes to the half (and 23 on time back) of the bike ride... well I got there at 31 minutes. Which means a 60+ minute bike time, and I still had to face the biggest hill of the ride. It was there I decided... no its not too late to try and if I could get a respectable second bike ride in I still had the run (my favorite part). I pushed it I pushed it... did the second half of the ride in 23 minutes! 

I got off the bike well, the transition time felt good, and I remembered to take my helmet off this time... my previous time was 27, my goal was to shave a little over a minute off. Well I pushed it and shaved nearly two minutes off! I got my goal time by 20 seconds... and I feel like I had some left in the tank, versus in 2019 when I nearly died at the finished line and cramped up. 

It was nice, this year Jenn brought the kids to watch... not sure Cruz and Mari "wanted" to come watch, but during the ride home I had a reflective conversation with them. We discussed setting goals, doing hard things, and even when you fall behind to not quit. They know I hate swimming, and they heard me yell about how terrible my swim was, and Cruz saw me struggled to mount my bike and how frustrated I was... but they also got to see me celebrate as I came in for the end of the run knowing I was hitting my goal time and got to see me snag a little third place bling... 

They maybe enjoyed the ice cream best after the celebratory lunch in Niles at Jim's Smokin' Cafe (I had a much deserved buffet)... thanks Jenn for getting up early to bring the kids and taking pictures. Thanks for all my friends who encouraged me, gave training tips, and all my friends from spin class, running groups, Jason C. for the continued swimming tips... my swimming technically got worse so I need some coaching again! Still not feeling like an Ironman is in the works... but I didn't say never. 

More pictures on my FB and IG pages. 

How's Summer Going?

How is my summer? Well the past couple of weeks was filled with family and I owe everyone a big album of photos. 

Couple weeks ago had a trip to Phoenix... it was for a retreat for the Notre Dame Federal Credit Union Board of Directors and I figured since my kids have cousins there... we make it a family trip. Despite it hitting 119 for several days in a row, we survived. The kids had not been to Phoenix since well before the pandemic so we were due for a trip, their cousins are 9, 11, and 13... so the blend with Mari (9) and Cruz (12) is just a perfect play group. So Heather also came on the trip so the kids could enjoy a fun trip while I worked. Living so far apart from family is hard, and so it was nice the cousins got to spend a week together.

A special part of that trip was staying at the Arizona Biltmore... a historic resort that is a Waldorf Astoria property which means... fancy. If you know Mari, you know she likes luxury and fancy things, so despite the fact that the sun was trying to kill us on a daily basis, she was in heaven. The kids swam at their cousins pool, and we hosted them all at the resort one day to enjoy the slides, pool, etc. Thank you Matt and Cristy for hosting us and for rides to and from the airport. Big thanks to NDFCU for the great retreat site, I love serving on that board and supporting the positive work they do in the communities we serve. It was a great way to recharge! 

Our return home landed us some airport delays so we got back to South Bend late... to start our next big family visit. Andres was in town (lives on the Isle of Mann) and he brought with him Javier, my nephew who lives in Mississippi, who was in Chicago while Andres was there working, so they came over together. Since he was visiting, my sister Raquel also came to visit and brought her daughter Ayanna and her partner Kory. Also Novalí was able to come down... so we had a very FULL House here for the weekend! 

We lined up fun stuff, an outing to the South Bend Cubs, I took them all to an autocross at the Tire Rack test tracak (need to upload some videos), quick Studebaker National Museum stop and of course no visitors come to South Bend without a stop to the South Bend Brew Werks. Cruz had a football event and Andres and Javi stopped to watch a little before a quick trip for pictures at Notre Dame. 

Whew... that was a whirlwind few days... but wait, there is more! 

A few days later, I took Cruz and Mari to Florida to visit my parents! We flew from Grand Rapids, which was cheaper, but also a good excuse to get to see Novalí again. We got lunch with her on Friday before we flew out, and dinner with her on Tuesday when we got back. 

In keeping with summer vacation theme... it was mega hot and this time we added in FL muggy to the mix. Regardless though it was a great time with my parents. It has become a little tradition now that I take the kids to FL just before they go back to school. This year Novalí couldn't join us as she is going with them to Ireland and the Isle of Mann at the end of the month and can't get more time off. (So excited for their trip!). 

We enjoyed time in the pool, playing tennis, fishing, table tennis, shooting pool and Cruz even hit the links a little with my dad... we played outside when we could, and when it was too hot, or rainy, we busted out the classic Wii or the kids played chess with grandpa or puzzles and baking with grandma. 

Dropping a bunch of pictures on Facebook and Instagram, so check me out there for more views from our trips... now it is time to grind out back to school! Wish us luck over here... 4th and 7th grades starting soon! 

Coach

I wear a lot of titles, some for work, some for volunteer positions, some for appointed roles, some nature gave me like son, father (I prefer Papi), etc. Lots of roles, lots of different requirements, and lots of expectations and outcomes. This spring I got a new title, one I never had before, and honestly was really nervous about... 

This spring I signed up Cruz for the middle school NFL Flag Football league. I volunteered to be team manager, figuring I know little about football but I would be willing to pack snacks, send team reminders, buy a spare mouthguard, etc. Well then an email came for me to a background check to be a... coach. What? Me? Coach? For football... heck no. So I replied there is a mistake I signed up to be a team manager. They replied, nope, we need a coach. 

So I agreed and did the paperwork, and luckily then they said I got paired with an experienced coach, so I just need to be an assistant coach. WHEW! Dodged that bullet... 

Either way I was going to get more involved in a sport I knew little about, even less about rules or how to run a middle school flag team. I got trained in watching for concussions, that was good, but no training on the rules except, "see the website for the rule book". So I counted on, and leaned in on my experienced head coach. I figured, I will just mostly be the team manager anyways... 

I organized snacks for the first game, and got parents to sign up for subsequent games. I brought extra supplies, scissors, mouthguard, tape... all of which came in handy. I got there early (I know right, me early?) to help set up cones for drills and get the players started on running and stretching (I know that part!). Made sure everyone got their team photo taken, but now I am wondering... we never got the pictures, hum. 

So how did it go? Well we ended the season with a winning record and in the tournament. We were out of town for the tournament but our team made it to the championship and took 2nd. It was a team of mostly 6/7th grades versus mostly 8/9th graders. 

I enjoyed pep talking them, getting them to calm down and control emotions... both when winning by a lot (no taunting) and when behind (no sulking or sore losers around me!). I learned a lot and will most likely do it again next year. I also wanted to show the team that you don't have to know it all, to try hard and learn and have fun. I told the players I didn't know football well, but I was going to help them train and be in the right mindset to be successful. 

It was fun being in a different role with Cruz. The kids often see me as a leader or in charge in other spaces, and while I wore the coach title, Cruz knew I didn't know what I was doing and I was just there as an assistant to the real coach. I don't think I am embarrassed Cruz too much... maybe next year I can just be a team manager... but hey, if I have to coach in order for there to be more teams, I will be ready. 

Still not an Ironman

In mid 2020, I wrote a reflection on not being ready, able, or focused enough to do an Ironman (No Ironman). That it was okay, and I reflected that some of it was on everything in pandemic being canceled, but honestly that I lost my drive to do it... made me feel less guilty but still something I thought to myself, "later". 

2021 Blog: Dead Last Winner

Well in early 2021 I thought... I was back in school, I was starting to look for my next position, and that I should get back on try at least maybe a half Ironman. My first triathlon of the year I was slow but improving . I thought this was my year, let's go! Unfortunately those plans were short lived, maybe a month or so after serious training started I hurt my knee working at La Casa. I nursed it, took it easy, but ultimately it needed medical intervention and have arthroscopic knee surgery. It was a meniscus repair on my right knee, which had full ACL replacement in 1997. I was worried it would be a major repair, but luckily the work I had done then held up well and it just need a scope. 

I had the scope done in November of 2021 (One More Scar). I was told I would be back at it in a couple months... the training and while rehab and training was hard, I was diligent about it and got back in the saddle quickly, swimming, biking, and running and getting my distance back. In April 2022 I registered for an indoor Triathlon at the Beacon Aquatic Center in Elkhart, IN. It was a sprint triathlon (400 yard swim, 12 mile bike, 5k run)... and as much I didn't feel ready, I pushed it hard, and I WON! 

So I was BACK and it felt good. Summer 2022 I ran well, ran a lot and was running a 22 minute 5k (goal was 21 minutes) and I remember a 10k I ran in Reno, NV with a fraternity brother in July where my pace was stellar despite the altitude. I then was looking for some longer triathlons, maybe even a half Ironman... 

Then, about a month later a pain started in my left foot. I slowed down the running and shortened distances, even went back to PT a little to work through that, and then it spread to my right foot, and then was causing some tendonitis in my knee. So not only did I cancel plans to race, but by September I paused running completely. Went back to doctor, back to PT, and luckily no surgery, but more rest, and to slow down. 

At the end of 2022, work was stressful, my new job was more work than I thought, and I was not running much, and I gained like 10-12 pounds. I was so overwhelmed, I blogged about it (Overwhelmed). So then I made a plan, I started working with a podiatrist, and knew that 2023 would be better...

Well new shoes, orthotic inserts, and now I am back... well slowly. For the first three months of the year I hit all my move goals and in March I signed up for the IronKroc (did it in 2019 and caught the trithlon bug)... you set a monthly goal to hit all the ironman distances (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run). So I capped off the end of the first quarter of the year and pushed it hard, ate well, worked out daily and slowly increased running distances. I actually finished the run distance first and then the swim distance (what I hate the most) and finished the bike on the final day. It was the IronKroc in 2019 that actually got me to start swimming and thinking about triathlons. 

So I am an IronKroc, but still not an Ironman... and I am still cool with it. I shed the 10-12 pounds I gained in in 2022, and have hope that maybe I can keep increasing distances and 

Is there a lesson here, or is this just a blog about how life has been lately? I mean there are lots of lessons, and one is, that writing and blogging is a nice release for me. So I am trying to blog more and document things I am up to... I also thinking writing this will remind to try and take things slow, to be happy with progress, and that pushing too hard can make things break... 

So here is to slowing down, to setting goals and hitting targets, and maybe having some long term dreams that might never happen, but to keep them as options. 

Ivy Tech Graduate (x2)

Introducing, Sam Centellas, certified in Automotive Service Technology AND Maintenance and Light Engine Repair. 

Me and My Degrees
in the shop

A few years ago I wrote about being a college dropout (blog)... I had started my Autotech Certificate in 2012 when I worked at Ivy Tech... I left the college in 2013 and stopped taking classes. I started back at it in 2020, I figured no time like the pandemic to get back at it.
I learned A LOT. 

The biggest thing I learned... is how hard it is being an adult going back to school. WOW. Most semesters I took one class, some semester I took two, all while working a full time job, sometimes while working more than one full-time job... and the whole time being a parent, running my side hustle, trying to stay healthy and trying to stay sane. 

I'll be honest, it was harder than when I got my master's degree. Yeah for real, the time in the shop you can't BS like I could writing papers in grad school. You also have to commit the time, once you tear the brakes down on a car, you can't just shelf it for later, you got to get it done. When you break something, you have to fix it, when you don't know how to do something, just googling it doesn't fix it... you need to tell someone you can't figure it out and ask them to show you how to do it. Then you have to try it yourself, and prove you learned it. 

I also learned about not solving problems with what you think, but with what you know. Car repair isn't about guessing, if that was the case your mechanic would do the wrong repair at least 50% of the time. If when I was 99% sure I knew what was wrong, you still have to test to be sure, and yep, that 1% makes a difference. It made me think a lot about my work, we often trying to solve problems that don't actually exist and then wonder why we didn't solve the problem. We didn't actually test to see what the problem actually was... 

I got a lot of work done on the my Z which was nice... but also did brakes on the family van, my MKZ hybrid, Juan's Z, and lots of other student and school cars (changed the oil on the chancellor's car!). Link below to my Z blog with lots of the cool projects but here is a direct link to my favorite one was all the suspension work I did to get her ready for the 2022 Race Season (which then I barely raced the car...): Here Comes 2022. 

I met more great people... students who were trying to improve their life through technical skills. Students who didn't know what they wanted in life but just liked cars. I connected with former colleagues or friends in different ways... I remember when a top community leader came into the shop on a tour and couldn't believe it was me covered in brake dust tearing up a Toyota Solara with some students. He asked if I was the teacher... nope, here to learn. 

I also learned again, and was reminded how those in trades get treated. Wearing dirty jeans and my Dickies work shirt... means I got treated differently stopping at the store after class. I wrote a blog about that a few years ago (can't find link)... interestingly I thought pandemic taught us how important essential workers are, but I realized that was a lesson quickly forgotten by our country. Also a reminder to many, that an entry auto mechanic actually makes more per hour than I did with my master's degree... 

Lastly... this was a little in honor of my grandpa. He owned a garage, and always wanted his grandkids to be "smarter" than him and make more money. I remember he laughed when I told him I had started an auto tech degree all those years ago... he told me something like you are an engineer what are you going to do with that? I told him, to try to be as smart as you and open a garage (I have a dream of opening a non-profit garage some day). 

I had a lot of stories and posts about my classes, especially on my other blog (Me and My Z). I am actually really proud of these TWO certificates, yeah I started so long ago that my credit tracking was off, and while I planned one certificate, I ended up getting two, and one semester earlier than planned. 

Now debating if I sign up to walk at commencement... 

Scared Shiftless

September 2020, at Gingerman Raceway, my fastest lap, going into turn 11... crash! 

It sounds more dramatic than it was... luckily I ran into a sand trap, and it was just a few hundred dollars worth of body damage and a broken window. (Blog about that day)

What has been dramatic since, is my change in driving. I have been back to that track a handful of times... and I haven't pushed that corner the same since. I know how to attack it, I know the line, I know how fast I can go, I know when to brake, when to shift, when to get back on the gas... but I just can't. 

I got scared, my brakes locked up, I didn't know what was next...

I got scared, I lost control and forgot my training and lessons. 

I got scared, and forget the track safety features and those around to protect me. 

I got scared, when the car came to the stop the first thing I looked for was my fire extinguisher. 

I got scared, and since then racing has been less fast, and less fun. 

I started to reflect on this lately, and how it impacted my driving and racing, but how similar mistakes and fear have driven (or better off distracted me) me off my goals. Not just work goals, but also in my family and personal life. When I attack that corner now, I brake too soon and shift too late, afraid of what might happen. Each time driving away... glad I stayed on track, but bummed it was so slow. I even wore my "Go Fast, Don't Die" shirt last time... didn't help. 

The other day I was speaking at a panel and someone asked ways I gauge businesses owners I work with and how I think about who will be successful. I mentioned that I look for a balance of fear and confidence. I want someone who respects the work, knows it will be hard, but knows they are ready to roll up their sleeves to get it done. Too much confidence, means they will make critical mistakes, not ask for help, get frustrated and maybe walk away. Too much fear and they will shoot themselves short, second guess everything, take too long, and most likely not accomplish their goal and walk away. 

Since that conversation I have thought about all the things that scare me about things that can go wrong... at work, at home, with my kids, in my hobbies, etc. 

I think most people would assume I am super confident all the time... and that is probably part of the vibe I give off, but fear has always been there, but I know I can't let it run my life. Fear of what might go wrong, versus the dream of what is possible. I am scared all the time, and usually my confidence makes up for the fear... but not lately. 

How do I get the mojo back? Maybe part of that is just acknowledging how I feel and why? Maybe part is just needing another shot and saying, next time it's on. 

The 2023 Track Night schedule just came out... I put the Gingerman dates on my calendar. This year I am coming for corner 11... with fear, but with enough confidence to know that I can do it. I can be scared, but I can't let it prevent me from doing what I should be doing... Going Fast, Braking Hard, Shifting, Going Fast(er).