Are You Happy?

I had lunch with a good college friend last week. As we wrapped up a long catch up chat she asked me a question I was not really prepared to answer... 

Are You Happy? 

I wish my reply was quickly a yes, but it wasn't. 

Immediately thoughts of work stress, launching and growing a nonprofit is hard. I thought about kid stress, oldest in Michigan trying to find their professional way in world, my middle trying to survive freshman year, and my youngest wanting to do all the things. I thought my relationship and family stress, dad having surgery, siblings all over the world, trying to plan a road trip to Florida, etc. I thought about my car buying drama, the house repairs, and more house repairs. 

I asked Renee, and you, are you happy? 

Immediate reply, "Yes". 

Despite everything in the world, Renee was happy. I was immediately in awe, jealous, and wondered what was wrong with me that I wasn't able to reply right away that I was happy. 

I have thought about it now for a week. Not sure I have a better answer on why I didn't reply I am happy. I really have so much to be thankful for, to be proud of, to look forward to, to be happy about. 

I work in a world of constant want and need. People call me for what they need, they reach out when they need something, they call and want to pick my brain, to take on a project, to give feedback, to help them. I rarely ask for help, rarely plan things that are for me first, and honestly never think about my happiness when I do things.

Is being happy selfish? 

I don't think so, but maybe that is how I frame it. I know in work, I like being helpful, I like that people need me, my kids, my partner, my family, my clients, my friends... so I really, I am happy, but I just don't frame it that way because I general think of myself as wanting to be "useful" so I think first on things I do, and that might sound weird, but all of that brings me happiness. 

Well I think it does... so if I am happy, why didn't I say it? 

I want to thank my friend Renee for a powerful hour and half at the Westside Diner in Lafayette. It was the perfect break I needed in a long work road trip, and as always Renee's warmth, intelligence, and focused question asking reminded me to be me, and to see happiness. Happiness is about being, not about wanting, and I need to focus on the amazing things I have in my life, not the things I want to have. 

My friend Renee has terminal cancer. If she can be truly happy, we all can be, but we have to accept it, it is there, we have to be ready to see it, to touch it, to feel it. Thank you Renee for the lunch suggestion, the corn beef hash and hash browns were amazing, and thank you for inspiring me to focus on the good, to let go of the stress, and focus on living a happy life. 

Are You Happy?