Ironman? Not Yet

I did it, I completed the Michigan Ironman 70.3, BUT reminder friends, I am still not an Ironman. 

Now yes, doing 70.3 miles is a lot, but an Ironman is someone who completes 140... so stay tuned on my future plans, but for now hopefully you enjoy the recap of my 70.3 mile day. I'll write another blog on my final weekend of prep, and you can read my blog here about getting "ready". (Farce of Feeling Ready)

September 14th, 2025

4:45AM ALARM
iPhone Alarm rings, but let's be honest I was already up laying there for 45 minutes waiting for the alarm. Time for coffee, triple check stuff, and mentally prepare.

5:30AM DRIVE
Hit the road from Traverse City to Frankfort, MI (race location). Ate half a cliff bar. 

6:30AM ARRIVE & PREP
For those not familiar, a triathlon race is all three things (swim, bike, run) done back to back with transitions in between to change gear (hydrate, pee, eat, dry your feet, etc.). I brought a crate (thanks Ric for the idea) which helped keep me organized in transition. I made friends while getting ready, including a lady who failed several attempts and kinda had me doubting myself... to an older lady who done a ton of them, and when I told her this was my first... she emotionally told me, this would be her last. We hugged, and I wished her well, and she reminded me, like everyone else has, to smile and have fun, I said "right back at ya". 

7:45AM Head to swim start.
I gave Jenn a final wave, zipped up my wet suit (thanks Jason), finish my breakfast cliff bar, and walked toward the swim start. I made a friend in line who was holding the 50-55 Min Sign... they start the swimmers by how fast you think you will do it. So fast swimmers swim with fast swimmers and slow swimmers can worry less about fast people swimming over them. 

8:00AM BANG... swimmers in... 

This was nerve racking, as the swim part had me the most anxious, and I knew it would be at least 30 minutes before I got in the water. At about 30 minutes the first swimmers were getting out, with huge cheers and applause, I was still waiting, and if you know me, you know I had to pee. 

8:35AM WAITING
The nerves set in and I was in the next wave and near the front. They gave a break before we jumped in, which was maybe the most nerve racking part. I practiced, I practiced a lot, in the pool (Thanks Twyckenham Community Pool!) and in lake (Thanks Kathy!). I did a few mile swims, so I knew I could do the distance, but I thought I had 1.5 hours to swim it, but found out the cut off was 1 hour 10 minutes which worried me. In an Ironman there are time limits, and if you are too slow... they stop you. 

8:40AM SWIMMER #535 IN
I got in, right away I was feeling comfortable, I was breathing well, only getting kicked a few times, goggles didn't take on water, and was calming stroking through some seaweed... my prep time and focus here really helped. What I wish I had prepared for more was counting the markers, as each marker I swam to I was like... is this where I turn?... to learn I had one more and then one more. It did throw off when and how I pushed to the finish. I was not prepared for how often I would get kicked, maybe cause I didn't think I would pass many people... but I did! No stops, no rest stroke, I swam the entire thing. 

9:10AM SUNRISE SWIM
Guessing at the time here, but wanted to share one of the most beautiful views of which there is no evidence. On the long straight we swam toward the sunrise, and if you know me, know I love a sunrise run. Never thought I would love a sunrise swim, but when I would look forward to spot, in the distance I could faintly see the next inflatable marker, but in between was a sea of arms and feet, splashing, misting, and it was absolutely beautiful. It will be my memory forever, and only there, but to you give you a hint I found this picture: imagine that shot from about 3 inches above the water, with a smile on your face, thinking, I'm doing it!

SWIM RESULT: 1.2 MILES
Target: 50-60 minutes, I told Jenn it would be crazy if I did it in 45. 
Official: 46:17
Well that goal got got... I for sure could have gotten it to 45 if I pushed more and had my pacing better, but whoa I got out of the water feeling good. I got out so fast that Jenn wasn't ready to snap a picture! Ha. 

TRANSITION 1
Here my focus was on taking my time, calming down, and making sure I was ready to bike 56 miles. I stopped to pee, ate half a granola bar, took a salt pill, drank water, and got ready for the bike. Top athletes do this in 2 minutes, I did it in over 8 minutes... which shows I took my time, I wanted to be sure no mistakes. 

9:30AM BIKE START
Got a good mount and right away noticed my repair bag was mounted poorly and rubbing on my leg. I had changed the location cause I put my race number on the bike and thought the placement was fine. I kept riding, 1 mile, 2 miles, 3 miles, and man I was feeling good and going mostly 20 MPH (target was 17.5 MPH). It was at the 7 mile mark or so that I knew... if I didn't stop now, this was going to bug me more and more and maybe cause an injury. I saw a help bike (tech support) coming, so I pulled over next to a State Police Trouper and waved for help. Luckily a knife, a zip tie, and quick use of velcro straps I was able to reposition the bag, and it was maybe a 3-4 minute stop. Threw off my pace for the segment but I think saved me in the long run. Here I know, I should of listened to my friend Bill and taken care of all bike tech things better in advance and tested everything (thanks for Bill initial tune up, flat change training, and the speedometer!). 

10:00AM RIDING
It was about 10AM when I checked my watch, and looked at my speedometer, and was feeling like wow, I am keeping the 19-20MPH pace and feeling great. I was glad my tech pit stop was short and when I saw the 10 mile marker I thought.. 20% of the bike ride is done! 

11:00AM STILL RIDING
It's lonely out there, no music, no phone, but luckily amazing views around the lake. Once in a while getting passed... the rider yells "On your left" and I reply, "Thank you, go get em!". I like checking all the different tri suits, and aside from my slow time cause of my stop, keeping an average of 19MPH, and I felt good, and ate the first half of my bike cliff bar. 

11:30AM STILL RIDING AND RIDING
More often than I thought, I was doing the passing. A few times, the hater in me looked at the guy I was passing... on his $10,000 bike, $800 helmet, $300 sun visor, and body wrapped in Lulu Lemon... and I thought, thanks Mike P for the hand me down bike, thanks Ken at Proform for the fitting, thanks Kevin and Karen at the Bike Garage for the free tune up just before I left for the race. I feel like I earned my speed, I worked hard for this, was feeling good, and I smiled. Well, then the hills came...

12:00 PM YEAH STILL RIDING
I say it loosely, cause I was told this was a pretty flat course, and mostly it was but I wanted a challenge and it came for me. I loved that most of the hills had some fans stationed nearby and people cheer you on even if they didn't know you. I powered through them and then where we turned back I knew, I know the rest of this course now, and like Maureen told to me... I smiled. It was then around the 50 mile mark, you see it in my split times, I decided to smile and just chill. I was ahead of pace, I rode slow and finished my cliff bar, I was turning a long curve at a beautiful part of the lake, the sun was out, and I smiled thinking, I'm doing it!

12:15 PM STILL RIDING....
With about 3 miles to go I thought, the smiling feels nice but get your butt in gear! My average was dropping close to 18MPH and I thought while I wanted to save some for the run, I can't sandbag the rest of this ride. So I got it in gear for the last few miles... I nearly avoided the second bike crash in front of me for the day, and I pushed it to the bike finish line. 

BIKE RESULT: 56 MILES
Target: 4 hours (15 MPH), I did Barron Lake in 15 miles in 54 minutes
Official: 3 hours and 9 minutes
Another goal down and I was feeling good! I kicked myself a little cause I thought, man if I pushed it when I was enjoying those views maybe I woulda made it in under 3 hours! Crazy! 

TRANSITIONS 2
Also slow, in the 7 minute range where some competitors were like one minute! I changed socks, took a salt pill, put on sunscreen, and grabbed my cliff bar, thought I forgot to open it, so I ripped open the end and went to tuck it in my back pocket and it fell on the ground... I had already opened it, the other end, so I had to smush it back into the now double open wrapper and then into my pouch. I downed some water, took a deep breath and thought two hours left... I am doing it! 

12:45 PM RUN START
This is my favorite part, and my goal was to keep a 9 minute per mile pace... right away I got out running 8:30s... I thought I might taper a bit as I got more tired. Mile 1, Mile 2, and Mile 3 stayed at about 8:30, and man the pace felt good. 

1:20 PM RUNNING
I was stopping at every other aid station for a quick drink and as I got to mile 6 and was celebrating being almost half way... I cramped. My right hamstring and calf got tight, and I did what usually helps and that is a few high steps and long strides to stretch it. Nothing helped and to manage the cramping I shortened my stride to put less stress on it, but it hurt, but I pushed on but more slowly. Now I was in the low and mid 10s per mile and stopping for more water and debating, do I stop to stretch Stopping could make it better and I could get back my faster pace, OR could make it worse and cramp more, pull the muscle, and not let me continue. In the middle of that mile as I was thinking what to do, Jenn was there and yelled, "one hour left!"... that reminded me that the finish was in sight, not literally, but I was almost at the home stretch. I couldn't risk stretching and not being able to continue, so I pushed through.

1:45 PM RUNNING
My tenth mile was my slowest at 10:45, but I knew there, I had just 5k left to go, and I picked it up. I took a deep breath and I got back to some 9 minute miles, I smiled as best I could and said, "I'm doing it". It was coming, the 12 mile marker, in front of the cute local bike shop, and at that point I would put in what I had left. I skipped the last two aid stations and just ran, and I rounded to the finish line with hands up, cheering, WOOT WOOT, and I got everyone cheering for me, and the announcer of course said my name wrong. 

RUN RESULT: 13.1MILES
Target: 2 hours (9 minute miles)
Official: 2 hours and 5 minutes (9:31 per mile)
Weirdly my favorite discipline and the one goal I thought I had in the bag... I missed. I do think maybe my pacing started too fast,  not sure, I'll dissect that more later. Maybe a reminder I need to be better about stretching, hydration and food? I only ate three cliff bars all day. I took my eyes off the focus here, I thought I had it, and I could have, but let other things distract me. 

TOTAL TIME: 6 Hours 17 Minutes
TOTAL DISTANCE: 70.3 Miles
AGE RANKING: 64th of 107 (9 didn't finish)
My age group (45-49) had 107 start the race, I placed 68th in the swim, 88th on the bike, and 43rd on the run! 

I DID IT. 

My goal was to finish in under 7 hours, and the fact that with faster transitions, and a few minutes off the bike and hitting goal time for my run I could have been under 6 hours FELT GREAT. I thought I would be more emotional at the finish, but maybe since I felt like I had more left had me wanting more from myself and less celebratory. 

Personal reminder, I am still not an IRONMAN, but I am halfway. I really do think now that I could, really could, someday, put that wetsuit on, and become an Ironman. 

When? I have written several blogs about not being an Ironman, and now that I know it's possible, that changes my perspective on not IF, but WHEN. 

Farce of Feeling Ready

Prior Preparedness Prevents Piss Poor Performance

We hear how you prepare will impact how you perform. I think of that often, I love it actually, and I talked to my kids about the importance of practice and training to improve at the things you want to be better at in life (sports, school, work, etc.). 

Lately I have heard more about feeling ready, to reduce anxiety, that feeling ready to take on a task is important. I think that's partially wrong, if you have a truly focused goal, a first for you, that stretches you, something hard that will be challenging... you should never feel ready. 

Why? 

First off, the thought of being ready means you have all the details controlled (internal and external). In something new, something hard, that is generally not the case. 

Secondly, the notion that you can overcome anything and everything is not possible. So you have to go in knowing that if something that was unplanned happens that you hope to react as best possible and still move forward. I might cramp on the swim, my bike might break down, I could twist my ankle as I start the run... 

So why do I think feeling ready is a farce? I think that because if you really have a big goal... you shouldn't feel ready. Am I ready to get the mail? Yeah, I do it daily and get it done. I think all things in life that will feel like a major accomplishment, should make you never feel perfectly ready. 

Can I complete the 70.3 miles?
I don't know, and I won't know until I cross that finish line. 

What do I know?
I know that I followed a plan, I listened to expert advice, I asked for help from friends for the things I don't do well, I sharpened up the skills I am good at, and I prepared to tackle things I have never done before. 

What do I know?
I know that I can't control external factors, bike issue, muscle injury, other competitors (kicked in face, crash into my bike, etc.), the weather, etc. 

What do I know?
I know I am going to face this 70.3 miles. I am respecting it, I prepared for it, I am anxious about it, and I am fine tuning goals for the day, and hopeful that I end the day with a medal around my neck. 

What do I know?
With or without a medal, I'll walk away, knowing I shot my shot. I tell my kids, I don't care if you win, I care that you give it your best. 

Here goes my best...

What a Bud Becomes

Posted on Facebook, and it probably should have been a blog, so here it is... I wrote this one morning when working on my future home. The landscaping in the front was overgrown and we were working on it... for those who have done big projects know, often times you don't know how things will turn out when you start. So one day I saw this bud so I thought to capture it and share my thoughts on how a bud becomes a rose... or maybe not. 

This bud isn’t much, but we know from experience that if we work hard and take care of it that it will bloom and be much more. It is hard with other things in life, new things, to know if the bud will be worth the work… what if it doesn’t bloom, what if the color is wrong, what if a storm blows it off before the bloom… so many reasons why it is easy to not work hard for an uncertain future. 

Not sure why I felt the need to wax poetically about that bud… but it bloomed and I thought I could tell it's story. Lately I have felt that, felt that feeling of, is it worth the work? What will the bloom be? Should I give up, should I work harder... what if I work hard and it doesn't turn out? 

So the moral of my story was that we should do our best… all the time, regardless of if we think it will pay off. Maybe it won’t, but just maybe, it will bloom like this and make you smile. 

I thought about this while working on my home... will it be the home I really hope for, will the kids love it, will it be a good investment, will the garage be big enough, will the bathroom turnout like Jenn wanted... 

I thought about it while volunteering at La Casa de Amistad last week. I had a time nurturing that bud, I helped replant it, and for those who do plants know, sometimes it doesn't go well, sometimes they never bloom again, sometimes they bloom like you dreamed of... in this case, I sat back and smelled the bloom, a bloom like I could never dreamed of. 

We can never be certain what will happen to a little bud. It might bloom, it might not, it might not bloom when you are around, it might bloom in a different but beautiful way. We never know what a bud might become, but we should nurture it anyways. 

Barron Lake Number 4

Today was my 4th time taking on the Barron Lake Triathlon. I won't write a ton this year, wrote a longer blog in 2024 for my 3rd run (Blog Link). 

I focused my training this year on my Ironman70.3 coming up in three weeks. I figured I would to do better on the swim as I trained a lot more this summer on the swim, and I did and am feeling more confident and ready for the longer triathlon swim. 

I hoped to do better on the bike, some tech challenges getting my watch/timer working threw me off, and I think I need more time to get used to my new seat position and using the aero bars. My run was slightly faster, unofficially, the official time got mixed with my transition time, and no distance markings on course made me have to check my watch more often and delayed my final burst to finish strong. 

Anyhow... results over the years: 

	2019	2023	2024	Target	2025
Swim	12:21	16:39	15:17	12:00	11:24
Bike	53:32	54:18	51:20	50:00	53:17
Run	27:29	25:40	25:37	25:00	24:25
Total	1:37 (4/4)	1:40 (3/7)	1:36 (2/5)	1:27	1:33 (3/6)

    

So how am I feeling about it all? MY watch actually said I did the swim in 10:59 and went 492 yards... so slightly less than 500, but I assume that I ran more than 8 yards into and out of the water. So breaking under 11 minutes feels good, and I got lots of gas left in the tank... I think that 1.2 miles swim is feeling less and less daunting now. 

I do feel bad about the bike... I thought some new gear, more long distance training would help, but I honestly have not been trying to push myself faster. So I won't give myself too hard of a time, especially since my run broke under 25 minutes, so that is good! 

All in all... good day, and while I missed Cruz's first JV Football start (I didn't know he was starting!), this was a great tune up for my Ironman70.3 in September. Special thank you to Jennifer for being patient while I train, my kids and family for understanding on my scheduling and meals, to my triathlon helpers, Jason, Maureen, Ric Z, my friends at the Twyckenham Community Pool, and to my Pro Form Friends... I'll improve on this bike, that work was not for nothing (at least not yet). 

Some overall results break down:

Total Times

2019 1:37:31 for 47th of 65 (72 percentile) weighed 153

2023 1:40:04 for 35th of 60 (58 percentile) weighed 155

2024 1:36:29 for 21st of 50 (42 percentile) weighed 151
2025 1:33.22 for 26th of 62 (42 percentile) weighed 150

In 2025 I ranked 35th in the swim, 33rd in on the bike, and 11th (!!) in the run (adjust time, not the official time). 

The water was cold enough for wetsuits, so some of the swimmers who wore them had a major advantage and you can see it in the overall times getting faster. I also think the official swim length was shorter, at least according to my watch. 

Swim

2019 12:21 for 55th of 65 (85 percentile)

2023 16:39 for 45th of 60 (75 percentile)

2024 15:17 for 37th of 50 (74 percentile)
2025 11:24 for 35th of 62 (56 percentile)

Bike

2019 53:32 for 50th of 65 (77 percentile)

2023 54:18 for 39th of 60 (65 percentile)

2024 51:20 for 19th of 50 (38 percentile)

2025 53:17 for 33rd of 62 (53 percentile)

Run

2019 27:29 for 38th of 65 (59 percentile)

2023 25:40 for 20th of 60 (33 percentile)

2024 25:37 for 13th of 50 (26 percentile)
2025 24:25 for 11th of 62 (18 percentile)

I feel like I had more left at the run and didn't push like I wish I would have sooner (started my burst late). So man I really think I could have gotten under 24 minutes and been top ten in the run! That also feels good for this year. 

Anyhow, water confidence is up, bike I know I can improve on, so its on to the big(ger) one! 

I Didn't Miss It

The other day someone said to me, "hey you missed the (big community event) last week". 

I didn't miss it. 

Favorite pic from Ns art show.

I was at a football scrimmage, saw my freshman enter his first high school game for seven snaps. I didn't miss his first throw to his favorite receiver, or that he went 3-5 and that one of his misses he hit the dude square in the chest. It was a total of maybe five minutes of playing time, and I didn't miss it. 

The week before a high ranking official was here and we had been trying to connect to talk some work stuff about small business items. We'll probably connect again soon down in Indy or chat via zoom on some work items. I feel bad we didn't connect, but I was exactly where I wanted to be. 

I didn't miss it. 

M in right lane.

I was focused on a swim meet, where my youngest pulled maybe the best backstroke turn ever, and as usual did a great job cheering on friends. That one isn't that competitive, but loves to be part of a team, make friends, and is the one who can't wait for school to be back in session. 

The following day I got a reminder text about an outdoor reception being hosted where most likely some important people would be mingling. I replied that I was not sure I could make it, I had a few other things on my calendar I was juggling and depending on the weather I would try...

I didn't miss it. 

The weather was great, the sun was out, and so I didn't go, instead I drove to Gingerman Raceway. Yeah, its summer, my Z is running, and I am driving her. It was just Me and My Z out there, cruising to the track, burning oil and passing cars on the track, dinner with my SCCA peeps, and a sunset drive home while watching fireworks along the lake... I was exactly where I wanted to be. 

I try to be a good dad, attend the things, volunteer for PTO, and since starting to work from home I have gotten to enjoy the kids a lot more (and they annoy me a lot more as well... ha). I wrote a blog reflecting on that in 2022 (Cocoa Bombs) and while honestly I don't like working from home because its hard to find motivation and I really really miss having office friends... it has helped me prioritize my time that really should be outside of work, and I want to start answering more often...

My Z at Gingerman

I didn't miss it. 

Instead maybe I was at a local brewery watching my oldest talk about and display beautiful works of art that came from those hands. Hands down my favorite event this month, and when planning it, it was nice to say, you tell me when you need to have it, and I'll be there, cause it is exactly where I want to be. 

The other thing I often do, and I am doing less, is moving family things around for community events. Date night with Jenn, or game time with kids. Like our Sundays are really a fun tradition now, who knows how fall sports scheduling will impact that, but we have developed fun routines and I need to focus on just letting work and community things pass and say honestly... 

I didn't miss it. 

I think I too often have sacrificed where I want to be, for where I think others want me to be. At a big local event, mingling with donors, sharing an event to help get people there, speaking to a group, etc. Apologies to the people who were often on the list of things I missed that I did want to be at in the past that I sacrificed for work. I feel bad, and while yes work is important, and I think I am still doing a good job, if you looked around at an event and thought Sam isn't here... 

I didn't miss it. 

Stop Posting ICE Rumors

STOP Posting ICE Rumors...

I got into it again this week, and like I tell people, its not personal, but posting ICE rumors is bad. Mostly cause 99.9% of them are fake, but even in the event you somehow managed to crack the inner workings of one of the most secretive agencies... it won't prevent them from coming and doing their dirty work.

It is well documented why you should not post these rumors, I mean just ask google or ChatGPT, "why you shouldn't post ice rumors", it will tell you clearly why it is bad (image attached).

click to enlarge

So, for those of you, and its been several, who got offended when I commented on your post that it is bad to post ICE rumors, and kindly asked you to take them down... and you got upset. My comment started out polite, you interpreting it as an insult, might be because you actually didn't have good intent, then it became an insult.

I have mentioned this to lots of people, who were like, oh I didn't know, and took it down right away. THANKS! You rock. If you have other friends who post stuff, you could comment my blog link so they know its not good to post (and explains why).

I have mentioned it to people, whose motives I then have to question, who were like, naw I want to keep to it up. So for you I assume you,

A.) want to look important, "look I think I know what ICE is doing",

B.) want us to think, "hey look I care about immigrants", but you really don't, cause posting ICE rumors is bad,

C.) maybe you just thought, "hey I think likes and shares are more important than people's safety so I am keeping this up."

Anyhow... hopefully this helps others advocate for helping stop ice rumors. Also, great time to give the reminder that groups like National Immigrant Justice Center (I posted their KYR recently) and La Casa de Amistad have great resources on how you should prepare for what unfortunately is inevitable these days... If you aren't in South Bend, holler and I can help you find good local groups to you doing similar work.

Let's stop stirring fear, lets be ready, and lets fight for our friends and neighbors.

Present, Responsive, Consistent, and Credible

I was interviewed the other day by a site called Canvas Rebel and they asked me what I think are important qualities to help someone build a positive reputation. These four words popped up to me right away and I felt like the gut reply really captured my thought well, and authentically. You can read my full write up here: Meet Sam Centellas

Be present, be responsive, be consistent, and be credible. 

Present: I am there, I speak up, and I am where I am supposed to be whether I am tired or not. I think showing up is very important, speaking up about what matters is critical, and not being a wall flower but being part of pushing for whatever is next. 

Responsive: I answer emails quickly, and I make appointments and keep them. I think people under estimate the power of replying quickly, and more underestimate the power of giving your opinion. 

Consistent: this is hard as I am building a new company right now, but being consistent in what you say, how you say it, and when/why you say it is important. Always share why you do things, not just how. 

Credible: Do what you said you will do, everyday. Do everything with all your skills and don't slack, I do procrastinate, but I don't cut corners. Work hard where it matters and give it your all, ignore all the fluff and distractions.

I wanted to document these answers on my blog here and share it again. I also wanted to add something that I think is important as well, and thats about having fun. I try not to take myself too seriously, and also like to have fun and encourage others to do so. When we have fun and let loose, the real us comes through, and people get to know, and connect with, the real you. 

Sharing with people my love of cars, my love of tinkering, my love of trying new things... I made many more connections over the years. I hope the people who know me, might know me as a hard worker, but I hope they also know me as a fun car guy. 

Check out the interview... they pasted my bio in there as is, so ignore how dry that is, but the rest I enjoyed doing and thought it represented me well and some car pictures. 

Note: I am not perfect at any of these things, I don't claim to be, but I am saying they are important. I tell mentees, those I coach, and others that I strive for these qualities. I often fall short, but it doesn't mean I don't push myself to be better, and hope others push to be their very best selves as well. 

Why I Went

No Kings Rally. June 14th, 2025. 

I went. 

I have not gone to a "rally" in I can't remember how long... honestly since maybe when it felt like a part of my job at La Casa de Amistad. 

I'll tell you why I usually don't go to them... they feel often like a performance. Like a, "hey look at me, I believe these things", well, err, at a minimum saying, "Hey look at me, I want you to think I believe these things." 

I got jaded, honestly still kinda am, and was always disappointed in the follow through, follow up, and true actions of myself and many of the people who attend rallies. When it came time to help register people to vote, only a handful of LWV members (I love them!) and Greg Chavez (he was the best)... pounding pavement. When it came time to actually speak out again racism, to push against structural issues in our world that cause the problems we often protest... often crickets. 

Everyone wants to cheer at a rally, hold a funny sign, and post a social media video while standing in the middle of the street. When it comes time to do the work though... less people show and sacrifice to create the change.  

I thought about not going. I thought about my struggles with feeling like a hypocrite...

Who hold signs but don't donate to causes,
Who say abolish ICE, but can't drive to the westside to buy groceries,
Who march up and down chanting but won't volunteer,
Who have Black Lives Matter stickers, but drive their kids to all white schools.

I went. 

For sure not for the speeches... cause honestly most of them are just saying things to get cheers. Normally no one at a rally gets their mind changed, no Trump support listened and said, "wow that is a good point, I better take off this hat." When I spoke at those back in the day I would always tell people things to do to help. Like if you want to make this better, spend money on the westside, stop sending your kids to all white schools, donate to non-profits until it hurts. Are we more focused on padding our 401k than we are on supporting causes that matter?

Some of my advocacy wear.

I went.

Glad I was there for the kid, you maybe saw as well, walking around the place alone, with a pride flag and dyed hair, quiet and walking loops. They needed us there, so did some of the young immigrant kids, whose parents hear slurs often and are discriminated upon regularly... to feel welcomed. I think about the young black kid who walked by a sign that says racism is wrong. To know the discrimination they will face growing up is not their fault, that it is wrong, and that we are working on it. 

I really want less rallies and more people actively doing the things that are going to make the world a better place. Rallies don't change things, things change when you change and push others to change. What do I mean? Doing things like this:  

Shop at a Mexican grocery store.
Read about the economic oppression of black neighborhoods and what we can do about it.
Buy shampoo and brushes from a black-owned beauty supply store.
Volunteer in a program that supports low-income, minority, and/or immigrant communities.
Call out friends (or anyone) when they say something racist.
Donate to a cause/place that is actively involved in fighting racism, oppression, and that is helping to empower others. 

I went. 

It was for my kids honestly. I am not great about talking to them about these things, I assume they know how I feel, and what I think is important, but and it was a good opportunity to share with them. Not just that people don't like Trump's orange skin and hair, but that his policies are terrible and racist. That the people he appoints and promotes are not qualified, his policies are mega bias, and that racism is wrong. 

I am not rejuvenated, maybe more worried than ever, but hopeful. I am feeling, what can I do now? That is what I walked away from Saturday thinking. It is not enough to just try and teach my kids right, but how do we do more, how do we harness rally energy regularly, monthly, how do we advance causes that matter? How will do you do it? How will we all do more than just rally, how will do fix it all? 

I went. The following day, I went with the kids to Rosales Market to grocery shop, we got ice cream at La Rosita. It's something, it's a start. What are you doing differently now? 

I went. Glad I went. Now where do we go next? 

Trust the Process

Trust the process... often used in leadership development programs, or when you think about growth or capacity building, and lately I have been thinking about it related to politics.

A few weeks ago a local leader and colleague wrote an article about community engagement. Sharing the difference between Builders and Wreckers, and that lately lots of anger and frustration at public meetings had changed the decorum of many public boards. The article sparked a little controversy, on why maybe some people are made out as wreckers, and that it comes from years of frustration. Read article HERE. 

It all got me thinking about the process... and the public's ability to "Trust the Process" when we have realized that many of our processes are broken. Interestingly, Jeff's article above came out the first week of February, as the current administration (federally and at our state-level) really started going off the rails of traditional decision making and as our local school board started some extremely non-traditional decision processes. 

Right now we are not only seeing leadership by popularity, but we are seeing it by any means necessary as well, a brutal combo. 

Right now we are seeing a lot of, "This is what I was elected to", and then non-transparently doing a lot of things that don't really feel related to what they were elected to do. 

Trusting the process is easy, when structures you understand and checks and balances exist. Trust is easy when the people in charge want to help, but maybe just disagree on how. 

Trust is not easy when leadership only appears to care. To me the fake appearance of care is actually worse... as trust is impossible when you don't believe the person across from you cares about you or your future, but only about theirs. 

I mulled about what to write, drafted this, and like many blogs lately... let it sit in my que of unfinished drafts. Then, interestingly the other day cleaning out some storage space with Mari, she found a book a poems, from my fraternity Brother Tim Hall called... Trust the Process. I opened it up and thumbed through a few passages. In our fraternity we talk a lot about trust, leadership, and I create many of my views and ways I train on leadership to lessons and experiences during my time as an undergraduate and alumnus of Sigma Lambda Beta. 

Something from the book: 

"When the day looks impossible the couch feels comfortable
and sun rays splashing from the bay windows look uneventful.
and sun rays splashing from the bay windows look uneventful.
Trust the process.

When a conversation with your partner seems daunting
and your feelings eat away at your tongues ability to produce words.
Trust the process.

When depression is the dust that refuses to be swept from the floor
and all you want is freedom from having to clean up the destructive thoughts that fall.
Trust the process.

When song doesn’t sound as beautiful
and melody no longer scales your arms with goosebumps.
Trust the process.

When fear resembles the worn notebook in your book bag 
the rarely opened Evernote app on your phone
or the twice folded post-it notes dusting your desk that stare / and stare
and hover / and wait / and tire / and toggle and are misplaced
then are found and still not used.
Trust the process."

~ Tim Hall

That poem book spoke to me. Lots of small short things, some deep things, and this flowed through lots of different things I have been feeling lately. Gracias Tim. 

I think we all have to remember, to get trust, we give trust, to create change we have to be willing to change, to move forward we must be willing to leave things behind. It is easy to expect others to do what you think should happen, it is harder to do it, to be an example, to be flexible when we ask for it, to genuinely show care to those who don't show it to you.... to stand up for a fight you know you'll lose...its hard, but maybe that is part of the process as well. 

Since it is Easter season do I have the teachings and experience of Christ, the passion, and how that connects to trust the process maybe? Religion and how it has been distorted is on my mind a lot. So this blog doesn't have a purpose, except I need to blog more, share more, and trust the process. 

Injustice, Exclusion, Discrimination, and My Why

I am struggling ya'll... I think it has all crept up on me slowly, the negative talks about DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) in our political stratosphere, of course how it impacts me, my history and my family, but last week it hit my work more directly. How do we walk back on DEI goals, DEI purpose, DEI initiatives... I hear all these companies and educational institutions just going through and removing all those words from their websites. 

It has me all thinking about what should I do? 

How do I talk differently about my work? How do I engage in the larger political spectrum about all of this above and beyond my work work? How does this impact my consulting work in supporting other nonprofits? 

I honestly rarely don't have just a strong gut reaction on what to do and just do it. I pride myself on being a focused and quick decision maker. I feel torn, on one side speaking up will create trouble, yeah maybe good trouble, but what might be the collateral damage of that trouble? Lose funding at work? On the other side, not speaking up sends a message that I agree, that I don't think it's a big deal, it doesn't align with what I think and feel. 

I wanted to put my feelings out in the stratosphere. 

I feel the opposite of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (good DEI) is Discrimination, Exclusion, and Injustice (bad DEI). Having good DEI programs has clearly not eliminated bad DEI. Has it made it better, sure, well maybe, I guess it is hard to say. Saying bad DEI is over clearly doesn't make it true. 

It feels nice to have good DEI programming, to me and to those positively impacted or that are receiving a service, program, etc. Clearly though it bothers those who think think good DEI programs have harmed them, their outcomes, and those of their children (reverse discrimination). 

I do know that sometimes good DEI programs are harmful, not just to those who claim reverse discrimination, but to the very people they are focused to help. So many programs that pander, lower expectations, and honestly reinforce the cycles of poverty that keep people in poverty. I have seen that all over from my time in higher ed, to community centers, to my current role in the CDFI industry. 

I have seen good DEI programs make tremendous impact. That inclusion for someone who was historically excluded, by giving them a "fair" chance at opportunity... is life changing. 

So what do we do? 

We know, well I know, that saying discrimination is over, doesn't make it so. I also know we need programs, education, services, etc. for those who have been subject to bad DEI. Nothing is perfect, good DEI along won't solve the worlds problems, putting our head in the sand and pretending bad things aren't happening also never solved problems. 

So what do I do? 

I think a lot of people are capitalizing on all the drama, on both sides... on the help side, I see it in two ways, one in making a business out of fighting what is happening, and two is in those offering to help you "realign" your DEI strategies. 

Interestingly,  I recently dusted off my OutSight Consulting website, and then maybe more importantly, and I was reminded when facilitating a workshop, WHY do I do things? I facilitated a discussion and used the Start with Why video... and now realize I am reflecting and thinking, "WHY do I want to do what I want to do and how do I talk about it all?" ~ with this DEI focus especially? 

So what should I do, and maybe more importantly WHY do I want to do it? I have honestly at times been debilitated lately thinking about my work and volunteer roles, not being able to focus on what to do, and I need to spend some time figuring out why I am doing things first maybe.