Injustice, Exclusion, Discrimination, and My Why

I am struggling ya'll... I think it has all crept up on me slowly, the negative talks about DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) in our political stratosphere, of course how it impacts me, my history and my family, but last week it hit my work more directly. How do we walk back on DEI goals, DEI purpose, DEI initiatives... I hear all these companies and educational institutions just going through and removing all those words from their websites. 

It has me all thinking about what should I do? 

How do I talk differently about my work? How do I engage in the larger political spectrum about all of this above and beyond my work work? How does this impact my consulting work in supporting other nonprofits? 

I honestly rarely don't have just a strong gut reaction on what to do and just do it. I pride myself on being a focused and quick decision maker. I feel torn, on one side speaking up will create trouble, yeah maybe good trouble, but what might be the collateral damage of that trouble? Lose funding at work? On the other side, not speaking up sends a message that I agree, that I don't think it's a big deal, it doesn't align with what I think and feel. 

I wanted to put my feelings out in the stratosphere. 

I feel the opposite of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (good DEI) is Discrimination, Exclusion, and Injustice (bad DEI). Having good DEI programs has clearly not eliminated bad DEI. Has it made it better, sure, well maybe, I guess it is hard to say. Saying bad DEI is over clearly doesn't make it true. 

It feels nice to have good DEI programming, to me and to those positively impacted or that are receiving a service, program, etc. Clearly though it bothers those who think think good DEI programs have harmed them, their outcomes, and those of their children (reverse discrimination). 

I do know that sometimes good DEI programs are harmful, not just to those who claim reverse discrimination, but to the very people they are focused to help. So many programs that pander, lower expectations, and honestly reinforce the cycles of poverty that keep people in poverty. I have seen that all over from my time in higher ed, to community centers, to my current role in the CDFI industry. 

I have seen good DEI programs make tremendous impact. That inclusion for someone who was historically excluded, by giving them a "fair" chance at opportunity... is life changing. 

So what do we do? 

We know, well I know, that saying discrimination is over, doesn't make it so. I also know we need programs, education, services, etc. for those who have been subject to bad DEI. Nothing is perfect, good DEI along won't solve the worlds problems, putting our head in the sand and pretending bad things aren't happening also never solved problems. 

So what do I do? 

I think a lot of people are capitalizing on all the drama, on both sides... on the help side, I see it in two ways, one in making a business out of fighting what is happening, and two is in those offering to help you "realign" your DEI strategies. 

Interestingly,  I recently dusted off my OutSight Consulting website, and then maybe more importantly, and I was reminded when facilitating a workshop, WHY do I do things? I facilitated a discussion and used the Start with Why video... and now realize I am reflecting and thinking, "WHY do I want to do what I want to do and how do I talk about it all?" ~ with this DEI focus especially? 

So what should I do, and maybe more importantly WHY do I want to do it? I have honestly at times been debilitated lately thinking about my work and volunteer roles, not being able to focus on what to do, and I need to spend some time figuring out why I am doing things first maybe. 

New Year, New Traditions

Not a New Year Resolution... cause if you know me, you know... I don't do those. 

I do always talk about focus in the new year, and a search on my blog for "new year" and you can read a bunch of those, mostly about how the new year will bring new adventures... it always does, good or bad, bring new things. 

In my continued thoughts about transition, both in work and life, I was thinking lately about holiday traditions. My thoughts are usually always focused on the positive and the direction I hope the future goes in. 

This year though it was all clouded through uncertainty and transition, but also because I thought about how many holiday traditions might be ending. At first I was kinda sad about it, but then I thought, all traditions change, either slowly over time and evolve, or just go away, BUT the focus can be on the new traditions being created. 

Lot's of things did stay the same this year, like I love to cook a Christmas Roast Beast... a big Boston Butt, which also makes for some good booty jokes with the kids, amazing smells in the house, and leftovers all week. I drink an Irish cream of some sort while cooking and check it on while the kids open gifts. 

This year is maybe the last year for doing lights outside this house with Cruz. We have done it together since he was old enough to help, well before he was actually helpful... Ha. The tradition of sitting around as a family and decorating the tree is already kinda over, and I am trying not to feel some type of way about it. 

There are things didn't happen this year, and thats okay. Maybe you are reading this and also feeling some type of way about things that didn't go maybe either how you planned, or how they used to, or just changed. Maybe you lost a loved one, maybe you moved, maybe your kids grew up and didn't run down the stairs excited to see what Santa brought them... life moves forward, things change, it is okay. 

My focus... is on the fun new things that we did get to do this year. Maybe it was the first, and only year for it, or maybe they become a new tradition? Time will only tell, but I keep telling myself that all traditions start as a one-time act, on some day, being the "The First Annual"... 

Some maybe "First Annuals" here... Trip to Grand Rapids with Jenn and the kids to visit my oldest. This house and South Bend are no longer her "home" so we went to her home, and enjoyed time in her city. A ski trip, just me and the kids a few days before Christmas... hardly a tradition yet, and with Mother Nature all weird maybe never be a tradition, so this might have been the "First and Only Annual", ha. N got to stay and do Jenn and I's Sunday Brew Werks game time... usually we do it with the little kids, but they were in Detroit so we had an adult version with her and some friends who stopped in. 

Maybe a budding tradition... last year I did a new side view mirror on Ns car for Christmas, this year I did some other maintenance for her while she was here. Maybe not the most appreciated or fun gift, but sometimes gifts are as rewarding for the giver as they are the receiver. Another was doing presents with Jenn and the kids all together. 

As usual this blog is maybe just therapy for me, and hopefully therapy for you. All traditions started somewhere, they all end sometime, and they all get kicked off one year. Maybe 2024 was that year, or maybe you focus on making 2025 the year for new, and amazing, traditions. 

Folding Polos and New Chapters

Well September 2024 a lot of things wrapped up for me... weirdly for years now September has been a big transition month. This year was no exception, let's walk through them all. Little reflection on change and transition at the end. 

Empowerment Zone
Five years ago I embarked on the path of getting more involved in our public schools. I was asked to serve on the board of an independent non-profit board to oversee five schools that surrounded La Casa de Amistad in our district. I was honored to be asked by leadership in the Indiana Department of Education to take the role. We had lots of ups and downs, our first two years were heavily impacted by the pandemic, hard to create organizational and transformative change during a pandemic... but we innovated, we tried new things, we had successes, and of course some set backs and ultimately we even got an extension of our MOU with the district and state. 

I was appointed the chair at the onset, and served in that role until we recently voted to fold back into our school corporation. I honestly was sad to see it end, we had momentum rolling, dynamic leadership and initiatives... but changes to budgets and operational transitions just made it better for us to merge back with the corporation (News Article). Public schools in Indiana, and nationally, are at a major crossroads and I am not done being an advocate for change and improvement in our public schools. 

Street Survival
In 2008 I moved to South Bend and volunteered with the SCCA for a Tire Rack Street Survival school... I got to coach a student at my first one, and the following year they asked if I would become the chair of the local schools run by my club. I agreed, and it brought me a ton of satisfaction. I didn't get to coach anymore, but I loved running the program, talking to parents, recruiting coaches, and helping students. I was the 2017 Volunteer of the Year for the national program, and in 2018 was inducted into the BMW Car Club of America (they were the major sponsor) Circle of Excellence. I am one of few non-BMW owners in that circle. 

I got to meet the one and only Pete Veldman through the program. It was before I did fundraising, and he was truly a special man. I wrote a blog about it, The American Dream, and I got to work with his family on philanthropy for La Casa and through the Tire Rack on this program. Interestingly I had been wanting someone else from the club to take over being the chair in 2019... I had done it for ten years and thought time to pass on the baton. Well then pandemic hit, and until this year nothing pressured me, or the club to change leaders. My OWI a few years I know makes people question if I can/should be running a driving school... so I am stepping back and going to take a full break from the program for a while. 

IU South Bend
I moved to South Bend to work at IUSB in 2008. I worked there for four pretty transformative years in my life and fell in love with the community. I especially enjoyed the connection to the Latino Student Union, Sr. Cynthia, and those who got me roped in with the local Latino community. I developed my "Abuelitas Hands" lecture there, which I got to do a couple small tours speaking and presenting that around the country.. might dust that off again soon. It ultimately ended up leading to the job at La Casa de Amistad that changed my career trajectory. 

I was asked by the previous Chancellor to serve on the campus advisory board, AKA like their board of directors. It was a huge honor, as it was mostly major elected officials, mayors, and CEOs of large local companies. I blogged about that first meeting (Pumpkin Pie Titan). I served diligently, chaired a few committees, and in September I was at my max term limit for board members. So without much fan fair I rolled off the board. 

FOLDING POLOS
Shirts and things I use often are on hangers and ready to go. I had a couple SBEZ shirts/polos that I work for every meeting. Our meetings were public and we were often on TV. The Street Survival polo was the uniform we wore when volunteering so that will get folded and stored up. I will still wear my IUSB Fleece... that was a gift from the chancellor and as the fall weather sets in I'll wear that again soon. Always repping the Titans! 

So why am I writing all this... not sure, maybe just journalling my life. Also maybe sharing for others going through change that I feel you, its hard, doing something for ten years, you can't just walk away. You can't just fold up the polo and forget about it. Maybe I should donate the polos, but its nice once a while when go through bins to find an old shirt that reminds me an event, a program, and reminisce. 

I think having a ceremonial way to transition is important, create some closure. So maybe folding the polos and putting them away will help me move to the new chapter in life. 

While I will enjoying have three less things to worry about scheduling into my life, I will cherish the times I spent working on those and cheer others in those roles to future success. 

So here is to new opportunity, new adventures, and maybe a new polo shirt for the shelf. 

Birthday Headlight

Just needs a mechanic shirt...

I just turned 46, and someone asked... what was my favorite present? Well I got a few things, one was a present of time from my oldest when we visited Grand Rapids, Jenn as always goes out of her way to find creative gifts (cool insole creator for my dress shoes), and the kids usually get me something very practical (crocs and weighted vest). 

I usually get myself something that I have wanted for a while and spoil myself. This year it came with a special present from Cruz, and memories of working with N as well back in the day. My MKZ, my Lincoln, AKA the "other" Z, has been needing a new headlight bulb. While I appreciate so many friends who point out it is broken, it was getting annoying...

A new headlight bulb at the dealership is almost $400... yes, just the bulb, the tax of owning a "fancy" car (and a HID bulb). If you know me, you know when it comes to repairs I am CHEAP... especially when I am think I can do it myself for less. 

First step was, checking cost of bulb, well that was $130! What! No wonder the repair is nearly $400 from the dealer... so then I looked up on youtube how to do it... nothing, except how to replace the whole assembly with an LED (cheaper) version. Finally I found a how to guide and well, it looked complicated, but not impossible... I thought, I can do that, but faster and easier. 

Whew it was a lot!

So I thought, well it's a birthday/holiday weekend, and good excuse to bug my little dude to help. I got the bulb and carved two hours of time to get it done... figured while we are in there we do some other maintenance and service work as well. 

Well, it took longer than we thought, and at about the hour and half a mark, I got stuck trying to get some bolts out, and I was ready to call it quits. I thought, we are going to have to take the bumper off, and is a few more hours of my time worth trying to save $250? Or call it quits now, put it back together, and make an appointment at the dealer? 

So I talked to dude, and he of course was quick to talk smack... " yeah old man, I didn't think we could do it in time" (he had football practice coming up). My hands were already busted up, my face was dirty from grime falling from the wheel well on me... I asked should we quit, and he said its up to you if you think YOU CAN'T do it... and I took it as a challenge, but also as a good lesson opportunity. 

I watched the help video again, and then saw the next two bolts I needed and we got to work. We can do it, so why quit? I have the skills (Ivy Tech Degree) and the tools and I won't quit cause the going got tough. I focused, stopped rushing, and dude didn't bat an eye lash at my request he get under the car again and keep taking off the bump bolts and we got to work. 

It took about another 1.5 hours to get it done, and I taught dude a few things... while we took things apart we cleaned each part. Let's do it right while we are in there and do other work that is helpful once we take things apart. Little lessons like trying to find the right/best tool to make the work more efficient is worth the time. Also general lessons like important steps when lifting a car (jack stands, wheel chocks, etc,). 

We got it done, to change the headlight bulb we had to jack the car up, remove the driver wheel, remove driver wheel well liner, remove lots of under hood plastic trim, remove the grill, loosen (and practically remove) the entire front bumper, lower bumper shroud, and remove the headlight assembly... all in all about 20-25 bolts, 15-20 clips, a few wiring harnesses... and we got the bulb out, put the new one in, started putting it back together when I realized I forgot the dust boot on bulb socket, took it apart again, and then got it all back together. Lesson to him... don't rush, or you make mistakes. He had to leave to football, so technically I got it done, but he helped with all the hard stuff I just put it back together. 

Cleaned up!

I hope dude looks back fondly at these lessons like I remember working with my dad on things... I remember similar lessons with N as well and I hope N remembers those lessons positively (Old Post: Buelos and Thanksgiving). I know I am not always 100% best influence, but I tried, worked hard, and hope kids feel like it was time well spent with me. It was a nice present of time from dude for my birthday. 

Saved $250, taught dude somethings, and reminded myself I still know how to work on cars, even a newer hybrid Lincoln. Other planned work; I did wire up some new LED lights inside the car, routed in a new charger in the backseat for them, and replaced the air filter while I was at it... now I need to find time and some money to work on my fun Z next. 

Barron Lake Times 3

This past weekend was my third trip around the Barron Lake Triathlon. While visions of grandeur danced in my head, I had some improvement but overall left feeling, well, honestly a little blah. While I did take 2nd in my age group (of 5), I know since I decided a little late into the summer to try it, my 30 days of hard work leading up to the competition was not enough... I should have trained better, and could have performed better. What I did though, was focus effort on areas where I struggled in 2023. 

They say triathlons are just as much mental as they are physical.. well I totally felt that this year. I saw it last year, as my slow swim threw off my bike, but my running confidence came through regardless of how far behind I was in the race. 

                                    2019                  Goal(24)  2023                  2024
Swim (500 yards)       12:21(4th)         12:00        16:39 (5th)        15:17 (3rd)
Bike (15 miles)           53:32 (4th)        50:00        54:18 (4th)        51:20 (2nd)
Run (5k)                      27:29(3rd)        25:00        25:40 (3rd)        25:37 (2nd)
Total (+ transitions)    1:37:31(4th/4)                  1:40:04 (3rd/7)   1:36:29 (2nd/5)

So this year I had some more realistic goals, which maybe helped, but maybe also caused me to sandbag it a little. My swim goal in 2023 was 10, and I did it in 16 and felt terrible and it threw off my time on my bike as I was all down on myself. My swim goal for 2024 was 12 minutes, and my watch said I did it in 14, so getting out of the water I was feeling better. 

Some swim context... I remember last year feeling like the swim was a lot longer and no way I did that much worse as I felt like a better swimmer. In 2019, when I felt, and was slower, there were 32 (of 65 males) that swam it in under 10 minutes.. and a handful in under 6 minutes. So the field was not much larger than this year, so it had to be a shorter swim as my 12:21 time made me 55th of 65 total. So clearly in 2019 the swim was MUCH shorter so I need to ignore that 12 minute time then for now... but I will get there! 

The mental part that got me this year, was both of my transitions were bad. For example, the swim to bike transition, my class winner did it in 1:17, and it took me 2:41. So I was a minute and a half slower... I was three minutes slower in the swim, so now swim plus T1 put me 5 minutes behind him. The same on T2, transition from bike to run, the leader did it in 46 seconds, I did it in 1:32, so while only 46 seconds slower, it was perfectly twice as slow. In total, the leader did transitions in 2:04 and I did it in 4:14... thats over two minutes slower, and that part is mental and preparation. I have not paid a lot of attention to the transitions, but those 2+ minutes would have moved me up to top 20 overall, maybe 17-18th. 

The other mental part is my bike. Two things got me this year... but first let's start with the positive. I trained more for the mount, last year I was slow to get on the bike, I struggled to clip in, and had to stop and restart... cost me extra time and momentum... but also mentally cost me more as I again was off my game during my cycle time mad at myself. My blog last year described that a little, today I will focus on my tech. 

2024 Barron Lake Swim

I started the bike strong, I mounted well, got up to speed quickly and was feeling good. I had been training using my phone, which would show my current speed, and my average speed and I made a goal of trying to get to 18 MPH average... it was a stretch compared to my training times, but I thought it was possible. However, at the competition I realized phones were not allowed, and the rickety old timer on my bike, which gave me trouble at the start last year is all I would have it only gave me current speed. So I figured if I kept her above 19 MPH most of the time, it would average out for the hill climbs when I would be slower... good in theory, and I was off to a good start. Well shortly after the 5 mile mark... on a fast and bumpy downhill... my rickety timer... fell off the bike. Now I had no speedometer! I tried not to let it get to me, and I pushed on, but now I had to motivate myself! 

So to compare, I remembered that in 2023 the first half of the ride took me 31 minutes, and the second half took me 23 (at the mid-point last year I stopped feeling sorry for my slow swim and slow bike start and pushed it). So I know my times, and I hit the half this year in 26 minutes! That was 5 minutes ahead of my pace from last year, and if I could match my second half pace would be a cycle time of 49! Well here comes a confluence of issues... lacking tech, and being over confident, I went slower! I did the second half at 25 minutes. So the 5 minutes I shaved off the front half, I lost 3 of those minutes on the back half... being mentally over confident cost me time (I can blame tech a little).

Not much to report on the run, except a slight tech challenge again. On the transition, I missed twice trying to get my watch to switch from bike to run, and I stopped and waited in the transition area to make the switch. I think I was already near the gate so not sure how accurate my running time was... and that the 15-20 seconds I lost trying to get my tech right hurt. While I was "faster" I felt more gassed this year and didn't sprint the ending which I probably could have made it under 25 minutes... disappointed in myself. 

This year in 2024, the winner of my age bracket got a 12:02, and only two swimmers (of 50 men) swam faster than 10 minutes, and only 11 were under 12 minutes. So I feel like my 15 minutes was pretty good in terms per percentage of field. So I thought to break down some percentage of field stats and blended in some other stats as well. 

Total Times
2019 1:37:31 for 47th of 65 (72 percentile) weighed 153
2023 1:40:04 for 35th of 60 (58 percentile) weighed 155
2024 1:36:29 for 21st of 50 (42 percentile) weighed 151

Now this chart has me feeling much better than blah... climbing those percentages is great! Maybe the shrinking field means less top athletes are coming, who knows, but going from 72% of field to 42% feels good! Now I feel like investing in some more training or better equipment could be worth it. 

I included weight because in 2019 I felt in better shape, I had just finished my Fit for 40 drive. It doesn't compare to late 2020 when I had planned to tackle Barron Lake again (it was canceled) and was in probably my best shape of my life and running 22 minute 5ks... but that's another story. I did start this year weighing 166... heaviest I have been in 6 years and I cut weight pretty hard the final 30 days before the race. So that didn't help. 

So enough about my weight and back to tri data, the year over year comparison had me wanting to break down my growth by area... which while the swim is still disappointing, feeling good on climbing the run percentile! (also makes me more mad I didn't try to sprint the finish)

Swim
2019 12:21 for 55th of 65 (85 percentile)
2023 16:39 for 45th of 60 (75 percentile)
2024 15:17 for 37th of 50 (74 percentile)

Bike
2019 53:32 for 50th of 65 (77 percentile)
2023 54:18 for 39th of 60 (65 percentile)
2024 51:20 for 19th of 50 (38 percentile)

Run
2019 27:29 for 38th of 65 (59 percentile)
2023 25:40 for 20th of 60 (33 percentile)
2024 25:37 for 13th of 50 (26 percentile)

I got the bug a little more now... seeing the progress and how close I am to some higher ranking times... I want to try and see how much I can improve for next year now and maybe do I dare attempt a longer triathlon? So here is to hoping my joints stay healthy and this winter I can stay in solid shape so I build momentum into a better 2025 triathlon season.  

Previous Barron Triathlon Blog: 3rd Place at 2nd Barron Lake Tri

Crowd Goes Wild!

She touches the wall... Crowd Goes Wild! 

From USA Today, Photo: Sarah Stier / Getty Images file

This image is of Katie Ledecky winning a gold medal. Pic for attention (and credited in caption) but to talk about learning sportsmanship and the power of sports and competition to make people better people. My kids swam this summer, they have competed for several years now and both of them enjoy it in different ways and both take away different lessons... team work, value of working hard, importance of preparation, etc. 

As a competitive soccer player growing up I remember those lessons. It is why I have encouraged my kids to do sports even when they don't want to do them. 

This summer our swim team was missing one of my favorite swimmers. That swimmer reminded me just how awesome competition can be and the value of camaraderie. It also put achievement in perspective. 

Our swim team had a swimmer with different abilities. The swimmer normally came in last, sometimes behind by a lot, but never quit. What I love about swimming, and if you aren't familiar but you saw it in the Olympics, is that all swimmers wait in the pool until everyone is done. What I loved most about our team was that they would all be pool side cheering on their friend, clapping and encouraging, and when the swimmer touched the wall... crowd goes wild! First or last, they got cheers.

These life lessons are important, one for those with abilities to realize how privileged they are, and for those with different abilities to also know they fit in, just like they are, and we are all in this together. In a world that keeps trying to divide, make one better than the other, and push us to excel at the expense of others... I hope more people learn like my kids did, that where you finish will get recognized, but that finishing what you start, and doing your best, whatever your best may be, is more important. 

So many awesome olympic stories this summer reminded me of those, but those stories aren't all thousands of miles away, or require winning Olympic gold. Some of those stories are of a swimmer, swimming farther than they thought they could, completing something many others can't, and doing what many won't... pushing themselves to do something hard and getting to hear... Crowd Goes Wild! 

I am a competitive person. I like to win. I hope my kids know that I don't care where they place, but I care that they do what they said they would do, that they try their best, and that I want them to be able to look back at the end and say... I did my best, and for them to know I am proud regardless of where they placed. 

I want them to work hard, push themselves, encourage others and always have that feeling of when...

Crowd Goes Wild!

Long Walk Back

Lots of soccer over the past couple weeks with Copa and Euro Cup happening and like many years lots of tie games. I love good analogies and to analyze things we see in our everyday and relate them to life, my life, and things happening around me. 

During penalty kicks to break a tie game each team gets 5 shots. One player at a time, walks from midfield, all the way to the PK spot to take their shot. While there are thousands in the stands, their team on the side lines, the other kickers at midfield, I know they feel alone. I know they feel the weight the world on their shoulders, I know they are looking at that goalie and thinking:

"I have one shot, don't screw this up." 

They have played a long game, often over 120 minutes of soccer, a physically demanding sport. I know they don't feel tired when they walk toward the ball. The emotions of the moment, the memory of the thousands of times they practiced this exact same kick flash in their brains. Do I go left, do I go right, do I stutter step, do I slam it right down the middle and hope the keeper goes left? 

They know they aren't the only kicker, they can make theirs, and the team still loses. They know they can miss theirs and the team can still win. At the end of the day, they have one job now, one focus, to make that one goal. 

There are effectively in my mind three ways it goes:

1 - They score. Crowd goes wild, they often celebrate like they won, the veterans usually don't as they know, they know it's not over, for the player the feelings of relief, success, satisfaction... 

2 - The keeper blocks it. Their shot was on target, but the keeper was faster, was better. These are more rare, and for the keeper what is absolutely joy and celebration, is mirrored in defeat on the face of the kickers. 

3 - They miss... shot was off target, no goal. Less celebration from the keeper, but still the outcome for their team. 

If the player who misses, for whatever reason, a block or bad shot, they have a long walk back. I know that walk, the feeling that you just put it all out there, that you did your best, you played your time all night, you had some brilliant moves, earlier in the game the crowd went nuts for you over a kick or a slide, and you imagined the celebration of success at the end... which now, might not come, and you at the moment, feel like if it doesn't come, it is all your fault. 

That Long Walk Back has been on my mind, in work, in life, in so much. Maybe I am watching too much soccer, or maybe this is a good analogy about how I am feeling and I wanted to write out my thoughts. 

As a parent, as a partner, as a CEO, as a son, as a board chair... you often have that feeling of being alone. That feeling of walking out to the PK spot, you can't hear the cheers for you, you forget about your successes (and failures) on the pitch earlier, you just look at that ball, and look up at the huge net, and you have to tell yourself, I can. 

You make your plan, you pick your strategy, you start your step, and you shoot. 

The Long Walk Back is on your mind, you fear failure, we all do, no one wants that long walk back. What you don't think at the time is, that regardless of your kick, the team could still win or lose. It is a team sport, we win together, we lose together. It doesn't feel like it, especially if you miss and have to take the long walk back. 

Two weeks ago Messi, arguably one of the greatest of all time, missed his PK. He took the Long Walk Back, but his team still pulled through and won that game, and ultimately the championship. I remember Baggio missing his PK in '94, Ronaldo missed a PK just this month. Weirdly we remember the misses, and they hurt the most at the time, but there are so many other moments. 

Don't worry, I am not comparing myself to Messi, but making an example that anyone can miss. I know the misses hurt the most and one miss can diminish ten goals. 

I miss a lot of shots. As a dad, as a partner, and recently I feel like that as a community leader. Sometimes feeling like you played a great game, you played your best, but you missed your PK. I sometimes feel like I am on that long walk back, wondering through your head what you could have done differently. 

We might still win, the outcome can be in our favor, our goal as a team, as a community, might be met. You don't know that now, but I know I feel like I let the team down. Yes on the long walk back your team tells you it is okay, but it doesn't feel okay. You think, while the outcome might still be in our favor, you can barely even watch the rest of the kicks as yours is still racing in your mind. 

I still remember Baggio's miss in '94, we joked about it all the time on my high school team, any time someone missed their PK... you pulled a Baggio! He didn't quit, he made many shots after that one. 

So yeah I wrote this for me, but maybe for you as well. Maybe you just made your shot, but your team lost. Maybe you just missed a shot, missed it badly, and maybe your team will win or lose, but to your feelings it all doesn't matter right away... but that can change. 

Just know that you aren't alone on that Long Walk Back, and it's not over until you quit, so get ready another shot is coming right up. 

The Million Dollar Admiral

I am an engineer, its one of my core identities. I also like being a consultant, either formally hired to do a project, or by serving on a board or just being asked by a friend for input. 

My social media handle says, "I use OutSight and creativity to solve community problems." 

In early 2013 a friend suggested I go work at La Casa de Amistad. They were hiring a new director, and while I had volunteered there a little and loved the mission, but I was not sure I was the right fit. I had worked the previous 11 years in higher education, and I knew very little about being an Executive Director. I applied. 

In 2016 the La Casa board of directors approved "Vision 2020 and Beyond" the document to guide the future of La Casa de Amistad. It was the product of about a year long process of focus groups, interviews, surveys, etc. We still didn't know where we were going (physically), but we knew it was up, we knew it was bigger, we knew it had to be what our community deserved. Email me if you want a copy. 

We got to work. We planned. We plotted. We went BOLD. 

During the project, and many of you might of heard this speech, but I often called the new La Casa center the battleship. The analogy played out in a few ways, from that ship we could keep people safe, from that ship we could reach farther, do more, and be a bigger force for good.

I am an engineer. La Casa hired an engineer to help build a battleship. I wrote a little more in a previous blog post about that process, Battleship Engineer. 

I knew, that when the project was done I would transition to something else. I knew my mistakes of the past could set us back, I knew my skills and what I could provide had been used, I knew that La Casa needed a new leader, with different skills, with a changed focus to usher in the next age of La Casa de Amistad. Its the nature of things; you love something, you want better for it, let it go. 

La Casa now needed an admiral to steer that battleship. 

They found that admiral in Juan. I have meant to write this blog of appreciation to La Casa for the opportunity to serve, and to congratulate him and the org overall, on their next big success for over a year. With each big win, they accomplished the things in the strategic plan, in our dreams and in our vision of success. Each time, before I get to write something, they are onto the next big thing. 

CONGRATS

Juan you are an inspiration to many and as we all know, the work of the entire team at La Casa makes a difference in the lives of so many. To those who ask, yes I absolutely miss the work, but I absolutely know it was the right decision to leave, knowing La Casa would do bigger and better things than I ever did. 

I tell you this a lot Juan, but I am proud of you. You probably just think I use that word a lot, but I don't. I also know, that you know, that people think this is about personal glory and gain, and I know that its not for you, and its why you are so damn good at that job. I also know you must feel the weight of being perfect, and the stress of being out front is tiring, I know. I hope you know the number of people backing you, supporting you, lifting you when you are tired, and know that every fight you are in with the battleship, you are not alone. 

La Casa Battleship Engineer

People ask me a lot; do I miss working at La Casa, why did I leave, am I proud of what they have accomplished (with each new big announcement)?

Posted two blogs, this one as I reflected on my path and journey with La Casa. The struggles the successes, and I thought I would document and organize a little around what it was like and why I thought it was the right thing to do to leave. I posted Million Dollar Admiral first on social media, and saved this one to share later. Here goes...

In early 2013 a friend suggested I go work at La Casa de Amistad. They were hiring a new director, I had volunteered there and loved the mission, but I was not sure I was the right fit. I had worked the previous 11 years in higher education, in undergrad I studied engineering, and I knew very little about being an Executive Director. 

I applied. 

During the application process I was clear about my skills, things I do well, but also things I don't do well or at least didn't have experience in doing. During the interview, on a tour of the building, the president of the board while squeezing around corners, stepping over supplies, ducking below pipes in the basement teen space... told me that same day they want to expand the center. 

My favorite photo outside of the old center. 

I made the final round, and I started my time discerning and doing research on if I thought I was the right person for the job. I researched other similar centers, I reached out to people with non-profit experience (both local and around the country), and said, I can do this, and we can build a new center, the center this organization, and the community deserves. 

The job was a massive pay-cut, I refinanced my house to afford the mortgage, I started doing more consulting and speaking, and I put the Z in storage as I knew I wouldn't have money to finish getting her ready to race (Me and My Z)... 

As background, I am engineer by education, worked briefly as an automotive design engineer. Luckily it didn't stick, but I nicknamed the new building our battleship during the process. I thought of the design, the input, the outputs, the campaign and the fundraising as building a battleship. 

I won't go into the all the details of my work there, our campaign, why I loved it, but I can reference a few milestones that I did blog about here (click links later if you have time, quick overviews below): 

Labor of Love (2013)
My blog announcing my job... Novalí holding the paper and me proud to talk about the announcement making it into TWO news articles... start of a trend. 

I sat between Two Giants (2013)
About sitting a local rally, between two long time Latino community leaders. One namely Gregorio Chavez, my dear dear friend, who a year later I played a part in his induction into the South Bend Hall of Fame and who I miss, and this community missed and we will never be the same without him. 

Walk with Father Jenkins
Many, many, many leaders came alongside this work. I wrote this when I got to chat with Father Jenkins (ND President) one on one, and a few months ago I did the same with Father Dowd the incoming president. I have been blessed with leaders and people I got to meet because of this job, from Dolores Huerta to Greg Chavez, from Anderson Cooper to Lou Nanni (ND Development)... the people who came alongside my work humbled me and lifted me up. 

No Longer the New Guy (2014)
Two years in... and you can feel my inspiration knowing we were on the path to success. Also one of my favorite pictures of Cruz with his Yo Puedo Leer classmates. I said click these later, but for real click this one and check out my dude now quick...

One Million for La Casa (2016)
It took my first three years to raise over a million dollars... with annual budget of $300k when I started, it was a process to grow. I knew we couldn't have a successful campaign without growing the organization naturally and sustainably. 

Not Just About Tacos Sometimes (2017)
When my dear friends at Taqueria Chicago were a finalist for Taco Wars. I was reminded of some of my roots in doing my current job. I have been working with minority owned businesses and advocating for their success well before I joined CDFI Friendly. 

I am that Latino, but I am not that Latino 
I wrote a few blog posts, The Quechua Gringo and others, as I reflected and grew into better and fuller and prouder thoughts on my Latinidad. 

I Can't Dance (2019)
Blog about being in the cast of In The Heights... one of the more fun, and very big stretch for me, that was caused by my connection to community and wanting to be a good role model for others on doing hard things. I did it. 

I Am Sorry 
The blog I never posted. I was not sure if it would help. I wanted to apologize for things I did wrong, to ask for forgiveness, to ensure that my mistakes didn't make my family, or my work, look bad. There is a demand for leaders to be perfect, it is stressful, I didn't want my mistakes to hurt La Casa. I kept it in, went about my grind, and after that I didn't blog much. 

WHEW... OKAY... 

If you are ever bored, go to my blog and search for Amistad, Chavez, La Casa, or Latino and find some fun reflections. I always say I need to get back to writing more and I keep wanting to and as you all know I have a lot to say... just often no time to document it. 

So again where was this blog going? It started as a set up to congratulating Juan and La Casa, but kinda turned into a trip down memory lane. So I made two blogs. 

A part of the story is missing on my timeline and in blogs, I stopped doing media interviews, I stopped posting, and I focused the attention away from me in 2019. I knew I would be transitioning in a year or two, and I went more behind the scenes. I left just before the official ribbon cutting, and it was hard not speaking at the ribbon cutting, hard not being in a staff picture while receiving their latest big grant... but it is what was best for the organization, and I was right, look at them! 

Check the other blog, I left because my work there was done, the next phase, would be better served by someone else. Like I tell people, La Casa hired an engineer to build the battleship, and then they needed an admiral to drive it around... they found that admiral in Juan Constantino. Read that blog here.

Thank you to the people who still sending me notes of appreciation, and a great donor friend who emailed me congratulating me... so many people made this work possible, it was my blessing to help design and be a cog in that machine. 

Like the quote says, "If you love something, set it free." It has never left me, just is in my life in another way and is flourishing more than I ever imaged. 

I am still a part of it, and always will be. 

My SLBEF Why Reminder

This weekend I got a reminder of why I love SLB and dedicate time to help grow the SLB Education Foundation. That reminder came from none other than Ric. 

Thousands around the country and world call him Founding Father Ricardo Zamudio... but to me he has just been Ric for a long time. This weekend walking into a diner we got asked how long have you all known each other... and I think it was 2000 when I first met Ric. 

I became a part of Sigma Lambda Beta when I crossed on April 17, 1999... I think I went online right around now to start pledging. So its been 25 years... and a couple of my line Brothers and I are talking about a little 25th anniversary reunion tour... the memories of road trips to chapters all over, clubs from LA to NYC, conferences from DC to Oakland, baby showers, weddings, funerals, and everything in between. I served on the national board of the fraternity, and now serve as a national trustee for our charitable arm. 

It was MLK Weekend and we were in Atlanta so we did a stop at the National Center for Civil and Human Rights. Outside the building was a quote, not from MLK, but it helped me get the juices flowing about our work, that of a small historically Latino fraternity, and its foundation. 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." ~ Margaret Mead

We fundraise from members and friends so we can give scholarships and grants to members/chapters for programs, AND we now manage a nearly $500,000! Not bad for a historically Latino fraternity founded in the middle of corn fields (Iowa) with a whole lot of nothing, that we turned into something special. Ric has been there since the beginning and still keeps giving of his time, talent and treasure. 

So how did Ric remind me why we do what we do this weekend... it is small acts of service to each other that make the world a better place. I am a runner, and I lamented not packing warm enough clothes for the trip to run. Ric after we went to bed texted me, "hey Bro, I left out my gloves, head warmer and purple hoodie for you". Sure enough, when I got up to run, on a chair by the front door, warm gear. I ran five miles in 26 degree temp. Ric helps people be better, and has given his time thoughtfully, and tirelessly to help others. 

Thank you Ric, for all you have done for me and for SLB. (don't worry, I am working on the draft annual report and will get it done soon, but I had to pit stop to write this). 

Hey... you can give as well to help the good work along. Member or not, contributions are accepted here: https://slbfoundation.com/

Post Injury Workouts with Dude

Quick catch up for those who don't see all my Instagram stories. 

Fall 2023 Cruz was on his middle school football team. He shared snaps as the quarterback, they had one cool play where for his first snap in the game he would line up as a running back, and get a lateral from the starting QB and then throw... his completion was 100%, and two for touch downs. Then the team was onto the fact that he could throw, and he would take turns at snaps. 

Their season was not great, new coach, new program, and mostly 7th grades in the starting line up. They lost more than they won, but their sportsmanship was better, and their teamwork improved despite a worse record. In the last game of the season... dude got sacked, by maybe the biggest guy on the other team... he came out and coaches thought he dislocated his shoulder. In talking to him I knew that wasn't the case, we had him sleep it off on the couch... but in the morning it was clear that it was most likely his collarbone. A few trips running around doctor to doctor confirmed... broken collarbone. 

He was bummed, this would mean he would miss basketball season. Luckily no surgery, just a sling for 6-8 weeks. He was good through the regular x-rays and doctor visits, toward the end of the time he was out of sling often and once got jostled and we went to doctor just in case.. it was fine. He was cleared for new sling and non-contact regular activity, and contact sports and skiiing/snowboard after Christmas... 

So the first week out of the sling... made dude workout with me! He was excited to be out of the sling, not excited about that at all. I got a good Tracy Steen work out on, and we went to work... man was he rusty! It was a good example of why it is important to train, in just 6 weeks in a sling his left arm was not able to do same weight or reps of his right arm. It was a good chance to push him a little, but also teach about why you have to train, why I work hard training and running, and that now him and I have to work out weekly and during break try to get him balanced out and ready for sports again. 

I try to be a good example of fitness and health to the kids, and of trying to eat well and make them eat vegetables... I am less strict on my Keto now, eating more balanced myself. I did some intermittent fasting when training for my last triathlon (Blog About that) and went alcohol free again for a while... it all makes a difference and like I said not just for my health, but also as an example to the kids.