I am not perfect. Trying to be so though made me either give 100%, or 0%.
Like my car hobby.... I haven't raced in years, haven't been competitive in autocross since 2012 and fallen way down from when I used to win events in Grand Rapids with the Furrin group and place at huge Detroit Regional events. I went from getting good, to not doing it all...
Like work... for it to be at 100% means I have to give everything plus, and I do. Unfortunately that means at times I feel like I am running out, or lately it feels like I have been sprinting for the finish line that is not coming. Each turn, each bend, each new stretch... it's not the end... but I am spent. So what do I do?
The same with my kids, I put off doing something cause it isn't what I want to do... I want to take a road trip with my dude, just travel and do whatever. I want to treat Mari to perfect day. Well I can't, but I can just make some sandwiches and take Cruz fishing. I remember fun road trips that N and I would do together, so much fun. I know my kids are getting older and I need to do what I can, perfect or not, but to stop putting things off.
My yard, and the house... I would love to quit my job for a month and get all the house projects done and do them 100%. The patio that would be awesome for outside meals and finally smoothing out the lawn so the ball will roll straight, or just getting the fence up and finished. I can't do them, and don't want to skimp, so it all just sits.
I am not perfect. I also can't give 100% to everything, I am an engineer, I understand the math and how percentages work. I also know that I need more balance. I don't want to let people down though, my kids, the families I serve, boards I am on, everything.
I am not perfect. I have to allow myself, and know others will understand, when I make mistakes. Interestingly this last year with my team, I told them, to be creative, let's try new things, don't fear mistakes, take chances... but here I am measuring too much, weighing too many risks and not looking at major rewards. Here I am with all these things I want to do, and not doing them for fear that they won't be perfect.
I am not perfect. I have been telling myself that over and over, and more and more lately. Not out of lack of confidence, but in maybe trying to give myself confidence to do things that I really need to do, but fear of falling short of perfect gets in the way.
I am not perfect. I say sorry too much, maybe it's why people like me, I tend to make things my fault. I make them feel good, but too many apologies means my finish line got longer, and I can't sprint forever.
I am not perfect. There I said it, a few times actually, and that feels good. I am about to take Cruz fishing tonight, but just at ND. I am going to race this summer, if my car is done or not. I am going to make a few huge mistakes, and let them go and take a deep breath.
I am not perfect. You don't have to be either, but if you are, awesome, if you aren't, still awesome. Let's all give each other some slack, some grace, some flex, some second and third chances.
I am not perfect, and in an imperfect world just looking for my place. All this time at home has made me think about how I can help others with the things I struggle with, so thought I would write this down. Last post was a tip on something I do well, this is about something I don't do well...
I am not perfect, but I do promise I will try to write more of my reflections. It felt good putting this out there for all of you, edited it not, grammatically correct or not (I know, I can't help), but here is it, my thoughts for this Sunday.