New Year. New Opportunities. New Focus.

Well I have blogged before about the fact that I don't make New Year's Resolutions (New Years Resolve). I have always used the time to reflect on my year, and most importantly prepare for the future. So no 2015 resolutions, lots of 2014 to celebrate, and more to think about for 2015.

So what did 2014 bring me...

It was my first full year in my new position at La Casa de Amistad... boy has that been an adventure. I have learned so much this year, about my community, about those who care, and those who don't... but most importantly I learned a lot about myself. I learned that this old goat can still learn some new tricks. I learned that I can still work a 13 hour day, but the day after is rougher than I remember. I learned that leading with your heart on your sleeves leaves you spent at the end of the day, but satisfied with the outcomes. I can tease you now and say that while 2014 was good for La Casa... our 2015 will be bigger than ever... new programs, expanding programs and making a bigger impact in the community.

I had another child this year... little Marisa Hope was born on Feb 15th. She waited for me to get back from Chicago on a cold Friday evening drive. I had forgotten how hard a new born is, I was reminded how awesome D is and great with the kiddos. I learned that my time away from home is more valuable now, and yes I put a dollar figure on it (sorry I can't come speak on your campus for free). So I stay closer to home more now, and love that my full-time job keeps me close by.

It was a banner year for OutSight Consulting and my speaking career. I had not realized how good of a rep I had, but this year I had as many rebookings as I had new clients and if that continues I won't need many more new clients. I can narrow in and help targeted groups, and be selective about helping places where I know I can make impact. So far 2015 is off to a good start with a handful of bookings already.

I was reminded of the importance of family. When I got the call that Dave passed, it was a shock, and then the strength, and importance of family slapped me in the face. In South Bend we are far from family, and tend to only see family on special occasions. It reminded me that we need to hit the road more often, facetime when we can, and keep lines of communication tight.

So for 2015 my focus will be on trying to be home more, working on high impact projects and trying to let go of all the small things. Politics, arguments and other distractions need to get cut out so I can be efficient, effective and then come home to play with my kids. I teach in my lectures that to leave a positive legacy you need to focus on the big impact items... I need to listen to myself here and do as I say... #WhatsYourLegacy

With my new focus I am looking forward to Cruz being big enough to help me with flowers this spring, to watching Mari run around the backyard, and helping Novali make her decision on which high school to attend.... wish us luck...

Good luck to all in 2015, God Bless, and Happy New Year!

1984, My 1st American Christmas

Last week, Cruz's "Yo Puedo Leer" Preschool class at La Casa had their holiday party. It was a fun time with the families of the program to celebrate a good semester. The teacher asked the parents to share what Christmas means to them, and maybe a special family tradition they think about during Christmas. Maybe because I was surrounded with other immigrants, but my mind immediately shot to 1984... my first American Christmas.

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it doesn't snow on Christmas, it doesn't snow ever. I was excited to come with my parents and two brothers to visit Saginaw, MI for vacation again and this time see SNOW...

Andres and I sledding

I don't remember what I wanted for Christmas. I remember the excitement of the flights and the holiday buzz. I remember none of us spoke English but my mom. I remember hiding from my American cousins. I remember my grandpa making a huge pile of snow for us to play in with his plow truck.

I remember that our family vacation, turned into a permanent move.

In 1984 the economy was terrible in Bolivia and it was suffering from hyper inflation (NYT Article) at a peak of 20,000 percent! The political scene was just as bad, and drug trade issues made travel difficult. Your money was worth less in the afternoon sometimes than it was in the morning. Yep it was bad and 1985 ended up even worse. My mom was pregnant, and my parents knew our lives would be better if we stayed in the USA.

I don't remember what they said to us. I remember that Miguel and I stayed behind and lived with my grandparents. I remember my parents leaving with my younger brother to sell all our belongings. I remember wishing I got to say bye to my family members. I remember missing my dog Tony.

I remember starting the first grade, and the only subject I understood was math.

I realized that it is now 30 years since my first American Christmas. My family sacrificed to be here, my dad went from a respected businessman to a paperboy and roofer. My mom went from being a former missionary and local teacher, to needing assistance from others.

My experience growing up has come full circle. I now work at a center like the one that helped my family in Saginaw. I am reminded daily of the importance of community support. I know that how we welcome people, and help those less fortunate says a lot about who we are.

So to answer the question from the La Casa program, more than anything at Christmas I am reminded what a beautiful gift opportunity is... and what a gift of opportunity that Christmas 1984 was for my family. Thank you mom and dad for making the hard decision to accept the gift. Love You.

Tomorrow I will celebrate my 30th American Christmas. Tomorrow my daughter Marisa will celebrate her first American Christmas. I also hope we have snow, and now I realized why it has always meant so much to me to see a white Christmas, a White Snowy American Christmas.

I hope I can gift my family and as much opportunity as my parents gave me.

Community Engagement

I have slacked on my blogging but lately I have been frustrated with the lack of community and civic engagement in my city. This week I got to work with the Group Violence Intervention program, one of the more challenging involvements I have had in the community reminded me that we need more people stepping up in South Bend and I wanted to write a little about it.

Right now so many national issues are swirling around and our local response has been a mixed bag. From police brutality, racism and privilege, immigration reform... and everyone loves a good Facebook fight about it. that won't change things.

Meanwhile local issues continue to go on mostly undiscussed by the general population. It has me thinking a lot about the issues we face, getting out good information, and more importantly engaging citizens in making our community better.

There are so many opportunities for people to get involved. Right now people are announcing their candidacy for our upcoming local elections. In a community that has historically been very divided, and leaders who chose to be divisive instead of seeking unity, I am surprised at the low number of people looking to fill many of these critical roles. Most importantly, I am disappointed in the qualifications and more importantly the political track record of most of those who are running.

Have we gotten to such a point in our local politics, that only people who like the drama and being divisive are willing to step into the arena? What have we as citizens done to encourage this behavior? Reading the sensationalized news, and joining in on political rants?

When I attend local meetings, you see it, lack of professionalism, no respect, and meetings that run worse than a Little Rascals meeting of the He-man Womens Haters Club. It is honestly a major disappointment.

So I am calling on local folks to step up. For my friends around the country, get involved in your local leadership scene, for my South Bend friends... lets do better. Our community is poised right now for great things, but like all things poised for greatness, it means we are teetering on complete failure.

So how can you get involved? Start saying yes when people ask for help, when you see an issue you care about starting asking others how you can help. We need all members of our community involved in some type of civic organization that is doing good in the neighborhoods. From Rotary to Kwianis, from Junior League to coaching a little league team. We all have an obligation to serve others, and it is easy, and more importantly... FUN to do.

I have been in South Bend now for nearly 7 years. I was asked to get involved in the South Bend Group Violence Intervention program as mentioned above. I could have said no, or that man I am too busy, or it doesn't fit into my work schedule, or I live in a safe neighborhood so I don't care about the violence in other parts of town... but I didn't and I stepped up. I have learned a lot from the process, about how felons are treated after jail, the challenges they face, the resources they do/don't have, and more importantly about how I can help.

The involvement is a couple hours of time, and offering myself as a resource.

What is an issue you care about? Helping low income people buy homes? Helping improve working conditions for low wage workers? Improving the maintenance of our streets? Making sure the city spends money appropriately? Supporting more small businesses?

Maybe start with what skills do you bring to the table? Maybe you work in training and development, or know about realestate? Maybe you are handy around the house and want to volunteer your skills?

There is a place, and more importantly a need, that each citizen can fill. Let's do better South Bend, let's work together to create solutions for our problems.

Hall of Fame Chavez

At Bill's with Greg

Tonight (11/18/2014) I have the honor, and pleasure of attending a special dinner here in South Bend. At the Century Center, in Downtown South Bend, a special man is getting inducted into the South Bend Hall of Fame. Mr. Gregorio Chavez, Jr., a tireless community supporter, proud Air Force Veteran, committed LULAC Member and a great mentor, is getting his day and some overdue recognition.

I wrote about Greg a little over a year ago when I had just accepted my position with La Casa (9-10-2013 "I Sat Between Two Giants"). He has continued to impress me with his dedication and hard work well into his 80s. I sneak over to Bill's Place to have breakfast with him every other week or so, its fun to have coffee and listen to all his stories. I enjoyed reading my old blog again and remember the import role, and foot steps that I follow in this community.

I will share my favorite story about his dedication and commitment:

In late September 2013 I had just started working full time and Greg came to La Casa to see me. He asked me who edged our lawn... I remembered seeing it that morning and it was a bit of a butcher job. I told him our maintenance guy and that we didn't have an edger so he used a weed whacker on it. He said he would get it fixed for me.

Well later that week, Greg shows up, with an extension cord and a trimmer, he plugs in, and goes outside and starts edging our lawn. Wait What? My first thought was to go outside and try to make him stop, but he wasn't having that...

So I went inside and the staff were all not sure what to do... I thought about liability, I mean I have an 80+ year old man outside edging my lawn. No one else would volunteer to try and make him stop after I tried... so we let him finish. Of course I snuck a picture of him out there to prove that yeah, he really did that. Like anyone would ever doubt his hardwork... and now I always make sure the grounds at La Casa look good... out of fear that if we don't, Greg will come back again and do it.

He has done so much for La Casa, for the Latino community, for Veterans, for anyone who needed help and I am glad he is being honored, and proud to have been invited to celebrate the evening. From donating copy paper, to taking students to the state house and raising money for scholarships and pushing to get Western Ave named Cesar Chavez Parkway. All the work of Mr. Chavez...

Congrats Greg, glad to have been able to walk along side you on immigration rallies, sit next to you in meetings with the mayor, and watch your selfless acts that have made this city a better place. Congrats, well deserved.

Halloween and Cop Cars

I posted about this already... but wanted to write a little more before I move onto my next topic. I wrote below about how the perceptions people grow up with of the police. I had an interesting opportunity to teach the lesson in a unique way, and have since engaged folks in some dialog around my point. So I thought I would share...

The weekend of Halloween I was working with an weekend immersion class from Saint Mary's College. The group of students would live in our neighborhood for the weekend, staying with families from La Casa de Amistad. It was designed for them to learn about immigration and the role of an urban parish in immigration.

Friday night was halloween, and the students volunteer at a local Catholic parish halloween event. They got to paint face, prepare food and hand out candy. At dinner afterwards as we reflected on the evening I asked them... did any of them see any little boys dressed as cops? Or firemen? Then asked, if any them maybe had little brothers who might of dressed up like that growing up... and of course they did.

Without me baiting the conversation much, one of the young women guessed it was because of the view the neighborhood kids would have of the police. Exactly, and we talked how that impacts how people react when they interact with the police, their feelings towards law enforce make a big difference in their willingness to call police when needed.

Later I presented this thought to a group of staff from the Notre Dame Center for Social Concerns. I don't have answers, or an idea on what to do with then information but I might of peeked from interest in research around the topic.

So tonight, when I saw one of Cruz's cop cars on the coffee table... got me thinking again and that I needed to write this down. Sometimes we don't think of the small subtle ways that inequality is created in this country. How maybe someone's immigration status might make them fear the police so much they won't call when they need them. Or how the high African American incarceration rates create a how class of people that fear the police.

Some food for thought on a Sunday night... and a question... what are you doing to help make things better?

Cruz Likes Cops

All the talk about Ferguson, and who did what, and who was wrong, and what should happen, and everyone writting in CAPS and posting propaganda has driven me nuts. I will be honest, regardless of who you are, I probably didn't read your stuff if came from anger. Everything has either been too extremely left, or too extremely right... its pretty much what is wrong with all political discourse lately. We argue extremes and then everyone walks away pissed with no solution.

So cops, gun control, race and profiling... yeah this one is a big can of worms. I have a lot of interesting intersecting experiences.

I grew in Saginaw, MI, still on the FBI top ten list of most dangerous US Cities. A highly segregated city, with a lot of racial tension. I get it.

I married into a family of police officers. My wife grew up the daughter of an officer, my brother in-law wears a badge daily trying to protect the streets where he lives. I understand the risk they are under daily and the choice they made to go into that line of work.

So what is my stance? Do I have a point to make? Interestingly something came up when D and I were talking about these issues and our son Cruz.

Cruz loves cop cars, he owns several, he plays with them. He points out cop cars excitedly on the street when we see one. When we hear sirens he runs to window to watch the car fly by on its way to fight crime.

It is little things like that which make all the difference in our society. My son is growing up with no fear, no negative perception... he is growing up with an admiration of police officers. He isn't taught to fear them, he is taught that they help.

So maybe during your arguments think about that... and reflect on how you were raised to view the police. In the hood you won't find many cop car toys, or boys like Cruz wearing a toy badge while they play. I also think between all the rants I have read, I have seen little ideas or ways to help... how are you helping?

Last night I attend a violence intervention program... I sat behind the chief of police and we worked to make our city safer. Sometimes I know it can be scary to put yourself out there, but it is less scary than living in a world of fear.

Normalcy Isn't Enough

So on Friday there was breaking news in South Bend, all TV channels and shows here were interrupted... Fire at Jefferson Street Apartments again? Maybe a gas leak and there is danger in the area? Or heaven forbid a funnel cloud has been spotted and coming our way...

Luckily it was none of those dangerous things, it was just some Notre Dame Football players that got caught cheating in class again. Yes again. It took over all the local news, front page of the paper, top news report on every channel... They all went live to a press conference where obviously nothing was confirmed, nor denied, and of course the most important part of all news was that... football would still go on as scheduled. WHEW. That is breaking news.

Front page on Saturday, and of course front page on Sunday. The headline is what interested me more than anything...

"(Coach) Kelly Aims for Normalcy"

Normal for the ND Football lately has been drunk driving while home on break, cheating on tests, fighting cops in South Bend, sexual assault, staff member dying in dangerous practice conditions, fake girlfriends, and now cheating again. Last time a player cheated, he left school for two semesters, got readmitted and will be starting in a couple weeks. So why are you surprised more players are cheating? Clearly cheating on tests is a minor violation, and will be rewarded with a one year vacation, and a starting a position when they return. Sign me up for that, dream come true. I won't even go in on all the other violations and issues.

Return to normalcy is what we are targeting? I once bragged on a quote from Father Jenkins that says, "Never let them say we dreamed too small". As a lifelong GVSU (Go Lakers!) Fan, I expect more from you Coach Kelly, as a newer South Bend transplant I want to say that I expect more from you ND.

So how about we aim for better, how about we aim for what made Notre Dame great... How about we aim at being GREAT. On the field, and OFF the field.

Want to know why I am really mad? On Friday, a group of local students came together at La Casa de Amistad to count teddy bears. Bears that were raised to help care for the unaccompanied minors traveling dangerously to come to the USA for a chance at the American Dream. We got media there, actually we got a ton of media there... All the TV stations and our major newspaper.

What we didn't get was lots of air time... why? Because of some breaking news from ND. So Coach Kelly, you owe me what you gave at GVSU, nothing but the best and a true legacy, and you owe this important issue some airtime.

Pray for the Youth, More Importantly Pray for the Protesters

A lot has been going on... unless you live under a rock you are following the Political Tele Novela about the refuge issue at the American border involving young unaccompanied children coming to flee violence, drugs and hunger in their home countries.

Many people have posted hateful messages, in all directions you see them... hate towards President Obama for not doing enough. Hate towards the protesters who write hate-filled signs to tell the children they are not welcome. Hate towards liberals, hate towards conservatives, hate towards anyone who has a differing opinion.

These children, leave all they know, their family, friends and begin a mammoth journey sometimes completely alone. This week I was asked by a local reporter for local families that were impacted, or a story of one of these children here in our area... at first I thought we wouldn't have those stories here so far from the Mexican-American border... I unfortunately was wrong, and learned local impact of some of the stories.

I won't rehash the news, you can search for it yourself. I won't agree with those I disagree with, or give you my personal opinion on what is happening.

What I will do is ask for people to pray, of course for the children, however I have a unique request.

I am asking that you pray for the people, who have been lead so astray that they feel they hatred towards these small innocent children. They need the prayers more than anyone, they are probably hurting inside in ways we don't understand. Their outward hate towards others to me means they have something going on in their life which has cause them to hate.

As usual, MLK said it best:

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, 
begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. 
Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.
Through violence you may murder the liar, 
but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. 
Through violence you may murder the hater, 
but you do not murder hate. 
In fact, violence merely increases hate. 
So it goes. 
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, 
adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. 
Darkness cannot drive out darkness: 
only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."


~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

So please take some time, and say a prayer for those men and women who hurt so bad, that they feel compelled to try and hurt a child. They need our help, and our prayers. God Bless.

So You Made It Huh?

The last few weeks I have been watching lots of my friends and fraternity Brothers posting on Facebook about how well life is going now... fancy business trips, new BMWs, ordering room service, concierge hook ups, valeting the whip...

I am proud of what people are accomplishing, but I want to know how wisely are you spending your money?

I get it, I was in the same spot... I was raised in a poor midwestern town, I am an immigrant, I didn't go to a fancy private high school, I didn't go to a private college... I grew up in Saginaw, MI. It is still on the FBI top ten list of dangerous places to live. It was number five in 2012! (Top Ten List)

I get it, I made bad decision when I had access to money for the first time. I used a FASFA check to buy rims once, maxed out credit cards buying crap I can't remember, and my first real paycheck I went and got a new(er) car... I worked in higher ed so luckily I never had much expendable income. I know it's nice when you get to buy dinner, or go out and TREAT YOSELF.

I get it, it feels nice to go out in your fancy car, order a ridiculously expensive steak, then avoid being seen taking a photo of it (cause you want people to think thats you daily) but post it on instagram anyways.

I get it, well I used to, but I no longer get it... we weren't raised to be like that, and we didn't work hard to come out from where we came to not give back. I don't mean do some annual community service project, or give $20 bucks to St. Jude at Christmas Time. I mean for you to make better decisions about how you spend your money, and invest it back into our neighborhoods.

I get it, you work hard, you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Remember though, others are struggling like you did right now. I bet you had a great family role model, an Abuelita that kicked your butt, a teacher that steered you the right way, a community leader who selflessly went without to help you. We sometimes like to say we made it on our own, but we didn't... sometimes seen or unseen, we had community angels who saw to it that we made it.

I get it, you are young and not sure what you can do... contact your local United Way, they will know the different centers and places you can go. They will match you to a Latino community center like mine, or a women's shelter, or something aligned with a purpose that matters to you.

I get it, you can't save the world, but you can make a difference to one kid. Maybe a kid that reminds you a little of yourself, and in 20 years he will be ballin' like you, and hopefully he, also, gives back. Each one of us have the power to teach others the right way. We are either part of the problem, or we are part of the solution. Like I tell students when I travel and the speak; the world will either be better cause you were here, or worse... your actions each day determine your legacy.

I get it, you are busy... so am I. I am lucky my day job is working in the neighborhood at La Casa (www.lacasadeamistad.org) so I get to help daily. I love bringing people to our local Latino places to eat, meet my children at the center and get people talking about making our community better. I don't need a pat on the back, I just need you to also find the time, we need you.

I get it, you don't have enough money to build a new community center. However, each time don't eat out it means you can donate $10-20, and driving your old car one more year means you save a couple thousand bucks... find ways to give back.

I get it, you can't quit your job and work at the local community center. Well give a few hours a week of your time, you will be surprised how personally rewarding it will be, and hey... working at a community center puts you in contact with lots of people in the community, it could even help your career...

So lets all Get It, and lets all Get In and start helping our community. We must remember where we came from, how we made it out, and why we must help others make it as well.

Anita Was Here

Final Recital

On Friday event was the final dance recital for the Anita DeCourval School of Dance in Bad Axe, MI. It has been a hard year for the DeCourval family, within months Anita lost her mother, and her husband. Anita had been teaching dance in Bad Axe sine 1987, she taught over 800 students in those years and touched all of their lives in some capacity. 

Anita always ended the recital with her solo dance, and this year as her last she danced to the Beyonce song "I Was Here". Not sure there was a dry in the room.

"I was here,
I Lived, I Loved,
I was here,"

Between Anita and Dave they left their mark on this community. Dave kept people safe, and brought soccer to the school well before anyone else was playing it in the midwest. When he passed you could see all the ways he impacted the community.

"I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget"

Anita brought love of the arts, dance and performance. The words from her students, her alums and the mothers was heart warming. Anita made her mark, by doing what she loved and teaching others to love and appreciate it, and by pushing others to be their best.

"I want to say I lived each day, until I died
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see"

Cruz clapping for Grannie

I have been blessed to have an amazing family, and to come into another amazing family. There are so many opportunities in life to make a difference, and most people choose to be normal, to fly under the radar, to not take risks... and decide not to leave their mark.

Never thought I would find a leadership motivation lesson in Beyonce lyrics, I guess its just one more thing impressive about Anita, and about the beauty of dance.

"I did, I've done everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here"

Mundial Con Abuelito

Tomorrow starts the World Cup (Mundial for us Latinos) and I will probably watch the opening game in Bad Axe, MI. I will spend some time trying to get Cruz excited, and undoubtably will give up before kick off as I really want to see the game.

Not sure why, but the Mundial always tends to be an emotional time. I was reflecting this morning and got a little misty eyed. As I have written before, I don't always feel that "Latino" (Previous Blog: My Latino Introduction). One thing I was always into, futbol, or as I was taught to call it here in the States, Soccer.

Outside the Silverdome. Abuelito in the middle. 

It was my one Bolivian thing, my one real Latino thing I kept. I played soccer, and I enjoyed it, and I loved to watch it. In 1994 the USA hosted, it was a great time for so many reasons. It finally made soccer cool in the USA (well cooler at least). It was the first time in about 50 years that Bolivia qualified, and man we had a good team! It was the first time my Abuelitos came to the USA, and we got to go to a game (Brazil vs Sweden in the Silverdome).

We didn't get to watch in person, but we watched the games live, at our house. Bolivia vs Germany was the opening game of La Copa Mundial. I actually think it might be the reason why my family finally got cable at the house... (the 1990 World Cup I taped all the games at my Uncles house who had cable and we watched the games later).

I don't remember who sat where, but I like to remember that I sat with my pops, my abuelito, my family and we cheered for Bolivia. They played in the opening game, at Soldier Field (we couldn't afford tickets) against the defending champs. This team, from our poor little country, walked out onto the pitch and made us all proud to be Bolivian. That was my country on TV, we waived flags in our house we cheered that scrappy team to a 0-0 tie at the half. We had a shot! Then a in a bad turn of luck, and what could have been offsides, Germany got an easy goal. So it was 1-0, we put in our ace, the jack of all trades, El Diablo... Marco Etcheverry. He was our hope, he was a top world player, well known for his antics but well known for his dead-on touch.

However, after barely being put in, in the "Kick Seen Round the World" he was tackled (a little dirty) but he got up and kicked (and maybe spit on) the German player. Red card! He was ejected; for that game, and the following game, and Bolivia had to play a man short.

Once again our scrappy team made us proud... they played a man down, but they played heart up, and they held the game to a 1-0 loss. Not bad, could of been better, and I still haven't forgiven El Diablo... he went on to set records in the MLS with Bolivian Teammate Jaime Moreno and I cheered for DC United all those years as our "Bolivian MLS Team". Back to World Cup...

Good game recap video: YouTube

The announcer is a little patronizing to Bolivia... which was the case leading up to the game. The Bolivians earned a good rep for their scrappy play and tenacity to hold Germany, while a man down, to a 1-0 loss. Bolivia would be eliminated in the first round, and Etcheverry made a formal apology to the country.

 I remember the game, and Abuelitos dissent to the lack of an Offside call (mostly because of the FIFA rule change) and then of course to the ejection of Diablo. I am sure he yelled things like"Pucha!", "Que Macana!", "Eso!", "No Pues!" and later how much we all yelled GOOOOL when Bolivia scored a few days later against Spain.

 I remember when we went to the live game, with flags that said, "Brazil, Bolivia Esta Contigo!" We wore our Bolivia shirts and cheered for Brazil. We got to see some great players live, we got to cheer with Abuelito... our Bolivian Family, at a futbol game. Miguel, my brother reminded me how surprised he was that Abuelita went to the game... it was her first soccer game, that wasn't something women did, but its something my Abuelita got to do.

 From the Panini World Cup Sticker books, to the ungodly amount of flags, schedules, cheering and crying that happens during the World Cup... I am glad it is back...

 Well the 2014 Copa Mundial won't be the same... Cruz isn't into the game, yet. I hope that someday I get to sit next to him cheering for Bolivia in the Mundial, next to his Abuelito, and we will protest calls, yell GOL and be proud of being Bolivian.

Judging Privilege, Dickies and Neck Ties

I started a blog in response to the posts a couple of weeks ago about White Privilege. So this is a tad long, but basically two blogs in one.

Couple weeks ago a guy was named the poster child for white privilege (White, Male, Goes to Princeton) and he wrote about how he gets judged for having privilege. He wrote a fairly well written piece about his Jewish family fleeing the Nazis and all the hardships his life had in it.

So then the internet blew up... did he have privilege? Didn't he? How come? Why not? How dare a Princeton student claim they don't have privilege!

The comments, as most internet conversations tend to go... where a hot mess of one-sided I know better than you yelling matches and sometimes they even put the caps lock key down. Okay okay, you must obviously be right.

Originally I wanted to write about how colleges really suck at talking about this, and actually make things worse... so here is that part, and then an additional part from my experience recently about being judged...

Here is how most schools do Diversity/Inclusion/Privilege Training:

Some Hall Director (RHD) goes to a conference and sat through a 45 minute workshop (that started 10 minutes late, and ended 10 minutes early) on Privilege that was presented by a first year master's student at your local regional state college... based on that intense training, they went back, and did an hour long workshop (googled to find additional content) for their Resident Assistants (half of which attended) and then it was mandated that all RAs do a program on White Privilege (mind you the original program was about Privilege, not "White" Privilege).

Then everyone gets surprised that the program doesn't go well, which means they assume the students are racists, not that the program was poorly presented. Then guess what, many people that went to the program actually probably became a little racist because they were insulted over race. Ah...

So my first point is...

College's need to actually start educating people about these types of things in the proper way... and by proper I mean create curriculum, bringing in real speakers (no offense to my RHD friends), focus on changing campus culture and do this very important topic correctly. I mean, if you actually care about it. We spend time and money making our campuses more green, increasing campus wellness... but how much did your school spend on diversity education?

Now my second point is...

If you aren't an expert, and studied privilege or truly understand it, stop trying to teach other people about privilege. I get asked a lot to do workshops or discussions on privilege. I turn that down each time, I am not qualified to do that, and its a shame that anyone with some type of disadvantaged past believes they can do workshops/speeches on the topic. Stop it, you can't. You are making it worse.

You know what I can talk about? My background, who I am, where I came from... I like to debunk myths and yeah some of those things are part of discussions on privilege. I however am not well versed in the ins and out and able to do a workshop on it.

My next point is...

We all have a struggle. Everyone struggles in this world to find their place, everyone has people who struggle more, and everyone has people who struggle less. Everyone should be able to find people where their struggles are supported and we help each other advance. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world, and we create lines and boxes and levels and categories to do nothing but help us continue to struggle over our struggles. Yeah I said that, I'm not going to edit it later.

Transition to secondish blog:

Last week I had an interesting experience that made me wrap this up... I worked on refinishing the floors at La Casa de Amistad. So for several days, I wore jeans, my Dickies, a ball cap, and for the fun of it I didn't shave. Well I realized something... I wasn't treated the same out running errands. I wasn't greeted as promptly or politely at places, and striking up conversations with people took more work (I talk to everyone everywhere I go). Maybe I was less out going in that outfit? Or maybe I didn't make people as comfortable as I do when dressed up...

So I asked Heather to snap a pic of me the one day when I came home, in my shirt with paint on it, my Dickies jacket and hoodie, my Datsun hat... Then I shaved, and threw on a nice work outfit and took another photo. Why is the guy in a tie so much more likable? I mean the head tilt is even the same...

My final point is...

How about we all stop judging? You judged that white Princeton kid for saying his family struggled and he wasn't privileged because of his Jewish family history. Then everyone started judging each other and everyone threw their privilege on the table and starting a measuring contest. Guess what, not having privilege, or perceiving yourself as less, doesn't give you a right to judge those who you perceive as having it. It works both ways people.

In response to the Princeton guy... or others with privilege who don't want to be judged for having it... my thought is this, how are you helping, others like your unprivileged grandfather realize their American dream? I better see you at the table for Immigration Reform, I hope to see you volunteering at a place that assists immigrants in realizing their American Dream...

I think conversations about privilege and race should be targeted at how we can judge less, and help more; regardless of color, country or choice of god.

Sparkly Shoes, Footballs and Hello Kitty

Yes I am behind on my blog... I have like five topics coming up for you all soon.

I want to address one thing we have been dealing with here in South Bend. As you know, we try to be progressive, and not do things like gender stereotyping. You might remember my blog a year ago when we got Cruz a pair of "girls" shoes from Walmart. Cruz's New Shoes

He wore those shoes until they wore out, he loved what he called his "Bubble Shoes" (they had pink bubble like circles on the sides). They were subtle, didn't attract a ton of attention and he rocked them out.

Well two recent happenings have all of this on my radar again to discuss. If you missed the memo, we had a baby girl 11 weeks ago. Yes, ahhhhhhhh... she is cute, she is a girl, she has short hair, and wears her brother's hand me downs... so guess what, she gets called a boy a lot. Do I care? Naw. Does her mom, I don't think so.

So someone might ask, maybe don't put her in boy clothes and people will know she is a girl. We don't put her in boy clothes, they just happen to have footballs on them, or a basketball, or just not be obnoxiously pink. So to be a girl, she has to be visible from outer space in something shocking pink? Or because her hair is short, we need to have her in a headband she hates 24/7? Not my ginger, she is cute, she is a cute girl, and yes even in an outfit with footballs on it.

Now onto my boy... well his mother took him to Target the other day. They weren't even shoe shopping, and he asked for sparkly shoes like Claire (a daycare friend). She had some new sparkly pink shoes, and he wanted some. So mama got some for him, with a huge hello kitty on the front. Yep, pink rhinestone slip on shoes. She sent me a pic from the store, I thought it was cool. The following day, you guessed it he wanted to wear them to the mall. With his ripped up jeans, and begging for quarters to ride the automated corvette... he ran around in his "sparkly shoes" and drew a lot of attention.

I saw the stares, I saw the ear whispering... what are they doing to their son?

Well what we are doing is loving him all the same, whether it is in the mini-cooper-car (as he calls the automated corvette), Bob the Builder tractor, destroying his new jeans rolling around outside, or in his Hello Kitty Sparkly Shoes.

On Monday he was excited to show Claire his shoes, and she had hers on, they posed for a pic together for me. Too cute.

My son will be judged his entire life by others, with or without sparkly shoes... he doesn't need his mom and dad judging him now and telling him how he "should" be or what he should like. So hopefully you won't either, and will stopping judging your kids (and others).

My Michelin Weekend

I past the past three days in the Inland Empire of California. It wasn't my first time in the area, but I did get to stay in Rancho Cucamonga, cool city name, and then get to Fontucky (Fontana, CA) since our event was at the Auto Club Speedway.

So did I pay a ton of money to get to drive with Skip Barber instructors? Did I buy a ticket fly out to spend time at the speedway? Did I get a family present of a fun driving experience? NOPE. This was completely free, because of my involvement in the Tire Rack Street Survival School. Michelin, who is a major sponsor of the schools, as a way to increase their sponsorship and support of the program wanted to thank us volunteer school coordinators... and of course promote their new Premier All Season tire by asking all of us to help test the tires.

MICHELIN PREMIER A/S TESTING

I guess now I am officially in Motorsports, as we were considered expert tire testers. They must of heard about that one FTD I had in my SpecV 5 years ago in Grand Rapids. HA. It was a ton of fun hanging out with SCCA, BMW Club and Porsche Club members from all over the country.

This video of their Pilot Demo, is similar to what we got to do: Pilot Sport A/S


Pretty cool video huh? We got to do wet braking tests, wet slalom, wet autocross course and push the tires. We were driving identical Cadillac CTS cars, each time we drove cars in sets of three, one with a 50% worn Michelin Premier A/S, and the other two with competitor tires. We ran them one after the other so you could really compare them. The results were impressive, and I can honestly say that man that tire is IMPRESSIVE. I wasn't paid to say that, well maybe a free airplane ticket... but I would tell the difference and these things are serious.

It was great because we were also being coached on driving by Skip Barber instructors on our laps. I also got instruction time from one of the Michelin Tire Testers (Sarah Robinson). Track time with one of them, muy very pricey so thank you Michelin! Man they have cool jobs, driving cool cars around the country on different tracks. That must be the life...

Here is their official tire video: Premier A/S
Photos I posted (Facebook): Michelin Demo Day

KARTING ENDURO
As part of their thank you to us for being there they treated us to some Karting from CalSpeed Karting. We did an Enduro format, and randomly paired us. We had over 20 teams so it was a full field. I drove second in our team of four, and when I hoped in we were in 11th place, and I was able to move us up to 9th so I felt good about that and I ran really consistent times. If you haven't been karting, you need to do it, it reminds me I need to take Novali soon!

SATURDAY TIRE RACK STREET SURVIVAL
We were asked to stay through Saturday and volunteer for one of the first schools of the year, and one of the first on the new curriculum. I really liked being a part of a school that I didn't run, so I was on chill mode and just mingled with all the families. Someone called me the methodical mingler... and I might have to keep using that. I love talking to parents about the day and what we were going to teach their students.

I also really enjoyed getting to see how another region runs a school. Some tips I picked up, somethings I am glad we don't do... Their course was interesting, and it reminds me why we are so blessed to be able to run our school at the Tire Rack Test Track. Thank you Tire Rack!

I had a great student, in a killer set up BMW, it was her dads old "fun car" that he occasionally tracked that became hers. She had some good experience behind the wheel before, but she still learned a lot, and got a lot more confidence handling under and oversteer. We got dizzy on the skidpad, she hit a few cone walls and really increased her confidence handling her car on the edge... and it was hard getting that little thing on the edge!

I did a lot of tweeting on the events, got retweeted by Michelin a couple times, and picked up a few more followers. It was a fun event and I made a ton of new friends, especially in the Porsche Club world, I really like that crew and they really tried talking me into joining... maybe someday, someday...

After all the fun... I had to get a quick dinner, catch my shuttle and head off to my red eye flight home...

"You Love Me So Much"

So lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting.

Cruz wanted to take Nini
bowling for her birthday

Novali turned 13... yes I am the father of a teenager... not like she hasn't been acting like one for the past couple years but now it is official. I can't believe that I was in college when I had her, and how much it changed the direction of my life. She has been such a joy and glad for her birthday weekend her and I got in another daddy daughter road trip.

In Beta Years I turned 15... wow how that impacted life... the first person I told that I was going to be a father was one of my Fraternity Brothers. The first person I told that my mom had cancer when I was a senior in college was a Fraternity Brother. The first person I called to ask to be my best man when I proposed was a Fraternity Brother. First non-family member to visit the hospital when Cruz was born... yep Fraternity Brother.

In my work life... I started a new career this year as a non-profit executive. I also boosted my personal business of speaking and consulting and have had the busiest 6 months for OutSight Consulting. I spoke to my largest crowd this semester breaking the 2000 barrier, and I was booking two gigs a month or more.

In my family life... I now have three kids, yeah beating the American average. So with work change, personal changes and everything else it has been a crazy semester. Heather as always has been great at holding down the fort while I travel, and we finally have another baby sitter to come and help at the house to help keep some sanity.

Novali and I in WI. 

I worry a lot that in my travel that I miss time with the kids. I worry about not being with them as much as I would like, but also glad I will role model for them the value of hard work and doing the right things to support your family. Then last night Cruz calmed my nerves about my role as a traveling father...

We were sitting on the couch, watching a show, he was next to me. So I just picked up my arm and put it around him to snuggle him up to me, and he looked up at me and said, "You love me so much." Heather laughed, and so did I at the time...

Those who know me know I am an emotional guy, I tell people I love em, and especially tell my kids. So it was really nice to hear him recite it back, even though maybe he doesn't know what the words totally mean, it does mean he hears it, and I hope despite not totally understanding the words, that he feels it.

Made my day, my week actually, and probably the rest of as long as I can think of...

So to my Family Members, my Fraternity Brothers, and everyone close in my life... I love you so much.

#BeBold on April 4th

Today is the founding date of my fraternity. We turn 28 years old today, in a couple weeks I turn 15 in the fraternity... time flies when you are having fun.

I have a special request to Brothers on this special day. Among all the posts of parties tonight, tomorrow, Brother outings and shindigs... there will be many opportunities for making bad decisions. So in the middle of your celebration, and yes please celebrate, yes have beer... but in the celebration lets remember why we were founded, and how much work there is left to do.

Our country still treats Latino's like second class citizens and Immigration Reform continues to slip out of our grasp.

Our Greek Community, while improving, still in parts of this country doesn't accept minority members and goes so far as to flaunt their ability to do so.

Our country's politics continue to marginalize those on the lower socioeconomic scale and the divide between rich and poor grows daily.

We took an oath to be Brothers, to be something a little more than we were alone, and to use that strength to make this country and our world a better place. Go and #BeBold and do something to help make a difference.

Maybe donate to our education foundation: Contribute Now

Maybe find your local community center and pledge to volunteer some time.

Maybe find out of your local politician supporters Immigration Reform. Then write them a thank you letter, or write a letter asking for their support.

Our fraternity was created to make a difference, and I think when we celebrate our growth and accomplishments we have to remember, we have accomplished much, because there is much work to be done, and still a lot left unfinished... Lets Get Right In The Mix.... #BeBold

Supreme Commander of SLB

The fraternity was supposed to get the release out last week, but I didn't want to wait any longer and make the announcement about my new professional move.

After convention this summer I will take over as the Fraternity's Executive Director, National Chairman and will also be the Chair of the Board of Trustees. With the transition to policy governance, change in Executive Director, and growth of the Foundation all groups saw that we needed some consistency and synergy between the bodies in order to move the fraternity forward at a faster rate.

The new role will be called Supreme Commander and is a temporary, non-elected role designed to allow the fraternity to focus on other areas of organizational growth while the management functions are all handled through my role.

I was honored to be asked to fill that role, and hope to keep the role as long as needed to ensure the fraternity can return to a mode of growth and development. It was worked out with the Ritual and Standards that there is a loop hole in the constitution that allows this to happen and I can stay in the role until I feel we are ready to move on. If that takes until Cruz "Leche Face" Centellas is old enough to be the next Supreme Commander, so be it, but we know the fraternity will be in good hands.

I have enjoyed not being on the board the past 20 months, but miss getting right in the mix. I am looking forward to going through problems, not around them.

There will be proposals at convention to shore up any gaps in policy. Including some veto authority for the RDs so they finally have some power, and also a salute to the supreme commander because a regular handshake just won't do with this new role.

I want to thank Mary Peterson for her years of service and I look forward to a smooth transition. To the board I want to thank them for their trust in me to steer the ship, and to the Foundation, lets get that money!

Thank you to all the Brothers that have supported me along the way.

And just for Dough, Peace, LB!

Sam "Cruceño" Centellas
Captain of LSDN, The Resurrection
Phoenix Line: April 17th, 1999 at 6:01:26AM
The "Exotic" Epsilon Chapter
Supreme Commander of Sigma Lambda Beta
Purple April Fools Productions

The Salem Kids at Olympiad

This weekend was the Science Olympiad and Novali's school was a first time team. They have been practicing for a few months with the amazing teachers at her school, especially Miss Morris who Novali just adores. Her dedication to the kids is amazing, and makes me wish I lived closer so I could volunteer more with the school.

I signed up to be a room parent, bring snacks and help all day for the competition. I also drove a van of 7th grade girls out to Oakton Community College the host site for the competition. Upon arriving I realized it right away, and I wasn't sure if the students would. The most privileged of school districts had buses here, all the private school jackets and fancy vehicles in the parking lot, with coaches for nearly every category of competition (some with more coaches than students)... and us in our caravan of kids, handful of parents and one lone teacher.

As soon as we got to the room one of the girls already noticed and said, "We are the only brown kids here..." Ah the innocence of youth, and yes they always impress me with their insightfulness... unfortunately I think they also realized how badly the odds were stacked against them.

Miss Morris giving team instructions

Salem Boomilever Team!

After the boomilever competition, in which I had to help super glue repairs minutes before... it was so clear. The schools that had three or four adults "helping" the student work on their balsa wood structure did the best. Our team built their structure mostly on their own and needed some quick repairs to fit the guidelines. They have money or time to test structures, and it appears that several schools even had mock ups or the actual test equipment to practice on. Our structure held weight but the student was disappointed. I thought he did great, he handled the pressure of last minute repairs and was poised in rigging up the arm. Can't expect much more from a 7th grader, or a high schoolers for that matter.

Novali and friend ready
for Metric Masters

Novali was in three competitions. She played "Sounds of Music" were she made a homemade recorder and a partner accompanied her on a homemade xylophone. The judges were impressed by their rendition of "Smooth Criminal." She is was in "Metric Masters" for measurements and math. Her final competition of the day was "Rocks and Minerals" and she really worked hard on that one.

It was a fun day, I played room parent, runner of pencils, and morale coach and super gluer of boomilevers. The kids stayed positive, mostly in part of their great teacher, and they are excited for next year. At the awards ceremony they clapped and enjoyed each others company. We took a medal in one category! We didn't medal in the ones we thought we would... but then again, this was a first time seventh grade team, playing in the varsity category against mostly 8th graders who competed last year in JV. So next year... we stand a fighting chance.

So I might have to ask a favor of my Chicago peeps... if you have a science background, and want to help some kids compete next year Salem Christian would love it. They took a big step going into the unknown this year, and next year could really compete but they need help. It reminds me why I took the job at La Casa de Amistad... to try and give kids a chance, that might otherwise not even be in the game. We need to help to level the playing field, hope you can join.

Team Salem! 

I was proud of Novali for stepping outside of her comfort zone, challenging herself and being a good competitor. Not much else a dad can expect, actually, no thats about it. Love that kid.

St. Patrick's Day vs Cinco de Mayo Stereotypes

I did a lot of thinking about this over the weekend... seeing all the Beer Tents, jabs at the stereotypes of the "Irish Drunk" and all the carrying on about Leprechauns, wearing Shamrocks, pinching people, wearing lots of Green, talking about pots of gold, but most importantly drinking lots and lots of green alcohol.

What really got me was when I saw what I think would be considered racist posts like this one:

But no one seemed to find anything wrong with it, and the comments on Facebook posts were mostly about how drunk they also got this weekend and how much they love the Irish. And no, they weren't Notre Dame fans. 

It got me thinking... why is that okay? Why aren't Fraternity St. Patrick's Day parties making the Huffington Post? Why isn't the person posting the image above being berated by their friends? Where is the Politically Correct police on this? 

So I start comparing this to Cinco de Mayo... also an American Fabricated Cultural Holiday that has become a drinking celebration of which most people have no idea the original significance (no its not Mexican Independence Day). 

If on Cinco de Mayo... people put on big Sombreros, wore "Mexican Outfits" of lets say a Textile Poncho, got super drunk on Mexican themed drinks (Corona and Tequila) and drew on a nice black Pancho Villa mustache... if a Fraternity threw a party like that it would make the Huffington post (in fact several have, many just in recent years). 

So I googled Mexican Yoga and found this exact photo to exhibit A above: 

Well did that pic make you mad? Especially to my Latino and Mexican friends out there I am sure it does and I apologize for the re-post. However that is point, why is what was posted up top socially acceptable and this image is not? 

While I appreciate that the Politically Correct police are out there watching out for us Latinos, why isn't someone watching out for the Irish? Maybe I will start and say that any negative cultural stereotypes should not be accepted. So lets cut it all out. 

Lately I have been talking a lot about my post theme from the other day about the history of Racism in the College Fraternity system (Times are changing...). This is one of my small steps to help end that fraternity reputation. I think if we stop all the ways we continue that fraternity stereotype, even how we portray the Irish, it will help bring us all together more. 

Finally to my Latino friends... I have never celebrated St. Patty's day much mostly out of bad timing, but now I won't celebrate like that out of respect to the Irish. Let's remember that we if expect people to respect our culture, we need to respect others, all others. 

Post #500: Dedicated to the American Dream.

And I would blog 500 times... and I would...

Blah. Nothing catchy here to start off my blog. I debated back and forth a lot about what Blog #500 would be about, a recap of my blogs and timeline, or thinking about grad school when I started this, or how much my life has changed since I first started posting... trips, kids, schools, jobs, marriage, house, and lots of lots of rants and rambling. Was it dedication that got me through? Hum.

Then something happened last week that reminded me about living a dedicated life. Of course most often we are reminded about how we should be living our lives, when someone we respect is no longer with us. Last week the South Bend community lost Peter Veldman. ARTICLE

Those who know me know I love cars, I am an immigrant, and I think I work pretty hard. I probably won't grow up to be as well known in this community as one of the Veldman's, but I was humbled to attended, and more humbled to say that I got to meet him a couple times.

Probably my first year in South Bend I was working a Tire Rack Street Survival event as a volunteer and I saw an older gentleman pull up, park and head back into the garage bay area. People said hi to him and he strolled on back and start mounting tires on wheels. I figured some guy bringing in his fancy car and knew enough folks that he pulled strings to mount his own tires. Cool.

Being new to town, I figured I could clumsily ask one of the front desk staff, "Who is that?" The reply was very matter of fact, "Oh, thats Pete." You know, one of those replies with the tone of, I can't believe you asked me that. So I acted like I was following along and went back to work.

Later in the day to one of my car club members that I knew fairly well I asked, "Who is Pete?" He replied, "You mean Pete, Pete?" Trying not to feel like an idiot I said, yeah he came in and started mounted tires. My club member said, "Oh, thats Peter Veldman". I once again pretended to know, and walked away and pulled out my Treo (yeah, I still miss it sometimes) and looked it up...

OH.... that is Pete Pete, Peter Veldman, the founder of the Tire Rack, the huge warehouse we were in, the sponsor of the program I was volunteering for, the place that has the awesome test track we use for events... Pete Pete. Now I know...

Pete came to work nearly everyday well into his 80s, still mounting tires, still helping at the office. He didn't keep working because he had to, he kept working because he enjoyed it. I assume he kept working not just to stay busy, but because he at some point made a commitment to work hard to help others and was keeping that commitment. That is true dedication, and very humbling.

It didn't take much longer living in South Bend to see the legacy of Pete and the entire Veldman family. What you didn't always hear was that he first come to the South Bend area as a migrant farmer. That when Studebaker shut down he opened up a small garage, and through hard work, smart decisions and a supportive family they built companies, employed our community and most importantly... gave a lot of what the lord blessed them with back to the community.

During the program the words of dedication, hard worker, family man, immigrant... all rang true of the American Dream. He lived it, and he most importantly helped others live it. I doubt I will be as famous as Pete, and I doubt he wanted to be as famous as he became. He made a huge difference in the lives of many people in this community, and I aspire to make a difference also, and I hope that you do as well...

So here is to Blog #500, to the next 500, and to all those working hard to achieve the American Dream. Peter Veldman showed us it is possible, lets honor a great man and keep pushing the dream forward. Si Se Puede!

Times They Are A Changing, But things Don't Change Unless You Make Them

My thoughts on Racism in the American College Fraternity.
(This was a HUGE rant I wrote a week ago, and waited, reflected, and edited this version)

Well Bob Dylan said that "Times they are a changing"... or others say that time stands still for no one.

It is true, time is changing, it moves and goes forward and we age... technology makes those times pass faster and faster... trends come and go... baggy jeans, low rise, skinny jeans and high wasted jeans... it all turns and turns.

You know what though? Things Don't Change, unless you make them change. I am guilty at times... I change the channel... I look the other way... I can't help Venezuela or bring peace to the middle east. I can't get the Tea Party from running a muck in American politics and I can't make everyone care about global warming and sustainability.

You can't wait for things to change, for things to get better.

It is a sad world that we are still fighting such primitive things in the world... hate, injustice, oppression... and fighting them in organizations that are supposed to be the best, to be setting the example...

I do however have things I can control. How I behave, the things I say, the places I go, who I associate with and how I choose to use my influence in this world. Yes we have to pick our battles, but sometimes that means we have to pick fights.

I might be getting ready to pick a fight, or maybe I am just severely lacking sleep... or both.

One thing I can no longer just stand back and accept... is all these racist acts on college campuses, that are coming from the people who are supposed to be the campus leaders. I work in that market, I have influence in that market, and enough is enough.

This fall was that ridiculous mess at Alabama... another round of racist claims made there, this time with much fact and merit behind them and the response from most people wasn't shock or surprise... it was "Well thats Alabama". I was mad that the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors who barely made a peep about it, and at their annual meeting business as usual about how great everything is going.

USA Today Article on Alabama: LINK

Then recently was the issue at Ole Miss with the statue of James Meredith getting a noose put around his neck. Lets be honest, I thought it, and I am sure many others did... Probably Fraternity prank... and yep. Sure enough was, yeah the chapter turned the guys in... so do they deserve a medal? They knew it would come out, so they acted, but they can't act like heroes now. Once again... the response from people was "well its Mississippi"... we expect that from them right? We expect that from Southern Fraternities right? Am I being negative and hyper critical, yeah absolutely. Read some news about it below.

The Ole Miss Article: LINK

So those two things, and not the only racist Greek items to make the news this year... just happened in 2013 and 2014. This isn't 1968 and we are hoping that these fraternities change their ways... It is freaking 2014, we are getting close to 50 years since MLK was assassinated... and we still are hanging nooses around black men's necks in the South? We still can't let a Black woman into a "historically" White sorority? We still don't get mad when we see it happen time and time again?

So lets stop acting like race isn't an issue. Let's stop pretending that teaching cultural competency is the solution. Let's stop pretending that hiring an expensive diversity speaker for Greek Week gets us anywhere... cause clearly none of that has worked. It's why I never wanted to be a diversity speaker, I don't want to be the guy you hire to say some stuff and then we go back to the status quo.

I think it is time we get to the heart of the matter, and no I don't have the solution, but I know not talking about it won't make things better.

Times they are a changing, but this thing won't change unless we make it... and I am ready to bring it. Now I just need to figure out what I am going to do about it...

Ima Hold YOUR Hand

On Valentine's Day we went into labor. Heather started early contractions just before I left to get Novali. I took Cruz with me, so it was just Anita and Heather at home with some peace and time together for a while as we knew baby was coming soon...

As we came back to South Bend, I explained to Cruz that mama was ready to have the baby. He replied, "Baby gonna pop out?" I told him having the baby was hard work, and that his mama's tummy would be hurting when we got home. I was trying to prepare him for watching Heather have contractions. I told him no jumping on mama when we got home, he had to be gentle with his mama and be very nice.

We got home, I put the infant seat base into the van and Novali was a huge help helping with bags, Cruz and packing. Anita was ready to see her next grandchild and helped give directions to Greg who was driving in and got things ready.

Novali holding Mari while Cruz gives her a kiss.

As we got to the hospital Heather's contractions were hot and heavy, and I have never seen Cruz so quiet. Novali was a trooper and was carrying several bags when our nurse came. Then Cruz as always impressed me... no not by his dare devil ability to jump off things without thinking, or his ability to fall down things without a flinch...

Heather was in a wheel chair being taken upstairs, we were following and I had my hands full but trying to hold on to him... and he let go and ran forward... watching him being run over by the wheel chair flashed in my imagination..

He yelled for his mama.... "Ima hold YOUR hand."

At the time I just wished I had a hand free to snap a pic. I don't think I even really caught what he said until later when I told the story. Then it hit me, it was maybe the first time that Cruz didn't hollar for his mama to hold his hand. We have been worried about how he would react to his baby sister, to not being the baby in the home, to having to share his mama with a new little person...

I think we will be fine, actually, yeah we will be good. Cruz will be a great big bother, and it will help him grow up. Novali has role modeled for him how to be a super big sister, and I know those two will help raise our little Mari.

Welcome to the world Marisa Hope Centellas. Thanks for joining us, we love you, and whenever you need, Cruz will be there to hold YOUR hand.

Our Non-Fancy Valentine

We aren't going out to a fancy dinner tonight, not spending a ton at Tippecanoe place on wine and steaks, we don't have tickets to a show at the Morris, and we won't be spending a romantic evening at the Oliver Bed and Breakfast tonight.

We started celebrating early last night, Cruz got Grammie some flowers and donuts and told her Happy Valentines. Today we are going to Wendy's for lunch with Grammie following Bad Axe Friday tradition of a frosty and burger. Then we will hit up the midwives office and well, I don't need to describe it but not how most woman might want to spend their Valentines Day.

Cruz's Valentine for Grammie

So anyhow, what does this all have to do with Valentine's Day. Cruz took his Bob the Builder Valentines in for all "Ma Freeends" at daycare. He was very excited about it and barely give me a kiss at drop off as he ran to work on their project for their cards. If I can then I will run to get Novali for the weekend and we will all be in South Bend.

Tonight we will spend it at home I think, maybe at a hospital, who knows but we will be together, celebrating for the new family member Brecken born yesterday in Arizona and waiting for the new one that will be born soon in South Bend. It might not be the Hallmark, FTD, Girrardeli media model of what today means, but for us it will be love and family and us waiting for a new one to start to love... whenever it is that she decides to arrive.

Happy Valentines to all, and hopefully soon there will be one more little person in this world for me to love and take care of and call My Valentine.

Valet the Van

Yeah I am a real baller, I rolled in luxury this weekend and got my ride valeted in Indy.

The Family Ride

This past weekend I was at the Association of Fraternal Leadership and Values conference in Indianapolis. This was my 14th year attending the conference and my 12th year presenting. Wow. A couple years ago they moved the conference to Indy which has been nice. It is the largest undergraduate conference for fraternity and sorority leaders bringing nearly 3000 people together.

It was a quick in and out trip because we are expecting, yeah like this week. I didn't even register in advance because of fear I might not make it down. Well I made it, and not only did I make it, but I rolled in style down to Indy in our new (to us) Chrysler Town and Country van. You might have seen my post on Facebook or Twitter about it... if not, get your life together and follow me.

My hotel didn't have self park, only valet. Now first off I feel the need to defend myself here as I am not a baller of that status. Valet was $24, and a self park lot three blocks away was $18 per night. It was 2 degrees when I arrived, and snowing the morning I left... I think those extra $6 were well spent.

Yes sir, thats mine. 

Anyhow back to my luxurious valet experience... I rolled up in that joint like a real baller. Bass turned up, iPod connected to the system with some old skool beats (had my workout mix on), and of course the heated seats were just right. The mood lighting in the head liner gives it just the right baller feel, my garment bag was properly hanging up and I had three different drinks in cup holders (yeah I got a lot of cup holders - booyah). I bet the valet hasn't parked a ride that nice in a long time.

So the van is broken in, Cruz loves the DVD screens and I am sure can't wait for the next drive to Bad Axe, or Saginaw, or Detroit, maybe Philly with his sisters (yeah he will have two...) or down south top MS... maybe the fabled future family Florida vacation...

Who knows, I am sure it is coming, and hey, I just might valet the van then as well. Baller!

When Silence Says It All

I spent the past 6 days in Bad Axe, MI. We were all shocked by the news and with god's help everyone was able to travel safely to be there right away. I wasn't sure what to expect, or what would happen, but nothing could have prepared me for what did happen.

From the second we arrived on Thursday it was a stream of visitors. Bringing food, flowers, food, hugs, more food and offers to help. On Friday we got the news that the public schools would close on Monday, not because of the weather, but for Dave... The news made the front page of the Huron Daily Tribune on Saturday.

Sunday was the visitation and people lined up early. All day the line was not just inside, but so long it stretched outside and people braved Bad Axe cold air in their Sunday best to pay their respects.

Monday morning about 500 people filled the gym. Amazing speeches, funny memories, Cruz running up to hug grammie, a flag presentation by the State Police and even a dance. Through the memorial they raised enough so Bad Axe soccer teams would have to worry about new socks for a long time. However, it wasn't the numbers, newspaper and speeches that left me in awe...

As the gym emptied, and things were being cleaned up, one boy, all by himself went up to the front. He stood there, hands clasped in front, head down, and just stood. He stayed a while, and I am not sure who saw him, but he just stood in silence.

I was left thinking, what made him go up front? What did he say to Dave? What was his story?

Maybe he didn't have a father figure at home and Dave was not just a coach but also a positive male role model?

Or

Maybe his parents always told him everything he did was good enough, and Dave was the first person who told him it wasn't... and taught him he was capable of more.

Or

Maybe Dave was there for him when he had girl trouble and I am sure Dave straightened him out and made him smile about it.

I have no clue what he said, and I realized what helped bring it all together for me. It doesn't matter what he said, there is a mile long list of what Dave did for people. In a way that lone brave silent kid said something for all of us. He maybe said what many of us might not of been able to, or maybe he didn't say anything at all knowing whatever he said, the words probably weren't enough.

Silence might of just been the right thing to say. Once again, Dave taught us something, that silence and the small things matter most. Thanks big guy, and hey, I didn't know what to say on Monday either, and FYI your teams don't have to worry about socks next year, and I am pretty sure that would make you laugh.