2 Years a Host

Rehearsing from the script.  

This month marks two years that I have been hosting the Education Counts Michiana show on WNIT (PBS). Aside from the automated LinkedIn comments and messages the anniversary passed without much fan-fair... ha. I did want to take a minute to reflect on that a little, continue my pledge to blog more.

I remember when asked if I wanted to be one of the hosts I thought... what? I have no experience, but then I figured as a public speaker and often times interviewed in the news... how hard can it be?

Well it proved to be harder than I thought, but also so rewarding. Generally challenges bring good rewards in learning and experience. I remember watching the first episode on TV... cringe worthy; what I thought felt smooth and natural, came off a little (or a lot) robotic and scripted. I vowed to improve, and watching myself last week I thought... man it's still not perfect, but so much better.

My kids love to make fun of me when we watch they show, they barely make it past the intro. It was fun that I got to tape an episode in front of my parents this summer. My mom was a teacher so I think she liked seeing me doing something education related.

What I have maybe enjoyed the most was learning about the industry. How to read from a teleprompter, thinking about what my hands are doing while I talk, to even thinking about my forehead and facial expressions. They all come through, especially in some of those odd screen shots, ha. Or trying to remember what I wore last time and to mix up my outfits.

So what do the next two years have in store? I hope to continue to improve, and that the show keeps growing and morphing into new adventures. I am glad I took the risk and took on this adventure and it reminds me to be open to challenging opportunities.

I am still at La Casa full time, probably not going to change careers just yet, but for sure looking forward to continuing to host this really cool show. Check us out: https://www.wnit.org/educationcounts/

The Last Lily

I started the fall care of my stella de oro lilies, and I saw what is maybe the Last Lily of the season and it made me think... As usual when gardening my plants and flowers teach me a lot about life and leadership. (Growing Leadership Blog)

As I was pulling the dead stems and leaves I saw one of the last lilies of the season. It was humble, a little sad, surrounded by dead leaves, and clearly not as big as some of the beautiful blooms from this spring when the lilies were absolutely popping.

It made me think... is this bloom not just as special? Or is it more special? It's been dry, hot, the rest of the plant is withering.... but this bloom said it's my time, maybe not the perfect time, but it's my time. It came to shine, and it might not know it is smaller than the spring blooms, you know what, it might think it is the best bloom, it is the only one out there right now!

Maybe I connected cause lately I have felt the same. It's been a hard year, lots of work, lots of challenges, lots of things both personally, professionally and family related that have pulled my attention. Plus I got another year older... I am not a spring bloom anymore myself. Ha.

Life is about perspective. It is about seasons that come and go, it is about change and growth. It is about waiting for your time, and also about using whatever time you have, to make something beautiful. It is about not comparing yourself to other blooms, or about not being afraid to be the only bloom.

Lately I have felt how I first saw that Last Lily; not as bright, not as big, not as vibrant... now I feel better, knowing that maybe the situation isn't perfect, but we are blooming. I am blooming (at least trying). I am not the perfect bloom and I have a ways to go, but this Last Lily also says, I'll be back next season, you just wait and see...

Thanks Last Lily for the life lesson, you are a beautiful bloom.

Enough Apologies, Right?

I am not sure what to say anymore. About anything, literally about everything. I get asked a lot in my varied roles from Greek Life speaker to community immigration advocate what I think about the latest things going on. I often just say, I don't know what to say anymore...

However this new Kappa Alpha fraternity issue from Ole Miss... I got something to say.

First off, do you actually wonder why the fraternity statement is total BS? I don't, and you shouldn't either. The fraternity isn't mad these members did this, the behavior is obviously completely acceptable by KA standards. The proof is, tons of members of KA saw this, and liked it, and probably shared and laughed about it, it wasn't a KA member that said, "Hey Bros this is not cool, take it down or I am telling..."
Right?

So then that means the fraternity (as in the national body) is just mad over the negative PR. The members got suspended, not because of their actions, but because of the actions of the general public. The fraternity is not mad their members did this, the fraternity is mad their members got caught doing this, and mad that other people are mad about it.
Right?

If all of us saw this, and thought, oh well, thats Mississippi and said nothing, guess what KA would say? Yep, it is Mississippi, and that is just how it is, and we believe in free speech, freedom of association, freedom to be racist, or not, or whatever excuse people make to look the other way.
Right?

So to all my friends working in higher education? Working in Greek Life specifically... I know we hate how national organizations look the other way on hazing, on sexual assaults, on alcohol abuse, but will we fight the same on racism? I mean we haven't... but yet so many of you go HAM on Trump, HAM on claims to be progressive but daily we let students get away with this? Daily we let Greek Life marginalize minorities and exclude people, daily we let this happen. I worked in the industry, I could have done more and I didn't, I'll admit it. Now I am here to say enough, and we need to stand up to this or it will never end.
Right?

So... is the photo offensive? Or is the action offensive? Will you say oh well, or will you say enough? Will Greeks begin to admit to their racist past, and present, and then try and fix the future? Or will we all continue to just look the other way and wish things changed... cause guess what, they won't change unless we start doing something about it...
Right?

I think the saying goes we can't expect a different result unless we do different things. Right? So will we stop looking the other way? Will we stop pretending Edgewater doesn't exist? Will we stop pretending recruitment wasn't designed to keep out difference? Will we have the hard conversations? We have pretended for a long time... will there actually be a hard conversation around this at AFA this year? Let's be honest, the track record in the industry is that we want these conversations to go away...
Right?

Let me be clear, this is not a ploy for me to come and speak to your campus. I actually figure this means less friends will want to book me, cause hey I am mad, and I won't hold it in anymore... you want me to come to campus, I want to be honest... let's start keeping it real here, cause I love Greek Life, I love my fraternity, but all have flaws and they won't get fixed unless we try to fix them...
Right?

Just Wanted A Haircut

Tonight I took Cruz for a haircut. While we waited, a group of gentlemen from Dungarvin were also there getting haircuts. Cruz noticed, but didn't stare, or even ask me a question. We waited our turn and he got a great haircut.

While he was getting his haircut, the gentlemen left. The guy next to me made a comment like "wow that was interesting". I spoke up and said yeah, it is great they are out getting a haircut on this nice night. No getting the potential negative agreement he was fishing for, me and the guy then struck up a good conversation about quality of life for people, all people.

As Cruz and I drove home I asked him if he noticed anything different about the guys in there, "yeah the one guy was kinda loud, and the other guy needed helped moving." I asked him what did he think of it, "Nothing really". I asked him if they scared him, "No, just different, they just wanted a haircut."

Beaming with pride, I asked him, what he would do if someone made fun of them or asked them to leave. "I would ask them to stop being mean, and tell them to stay."

It was nice to hear that, that in a time when so many in the public eye are telling people to be mean or judge others, my little guy knows, those guys just wanted a haircut, and that they are just like him.

Sometimes as a parent you feel like a total failure. Sometimes, you are so proud of your kids you aren't sure what you did to deserve them.

Tonight Cruz just wanted a haircut, and it turned into so much more, and something that I needed to hear tonight. Thanks world, all is not lost.

Perfect Leadership Expectations

I am not perfect, far from it. 

It is a daily struggle to balance expectations and capacity and while I am proud of what I have accomplished so far in life, I know I fall short a lot. It was part of my reflection when I turned 40. I wanted to write more especially for those who maybe look up to me, or those I am mentoring, to not let your flaws hold you back. 

I have found that as I got into more successful or public roles the stress and pressure rise and the stakes are higher. What I have found the most difficult to handle is that there is an expectation to be perfect. You are judged at a different level, and I get it, similar to elected officials, there is a higher bar of expectations both personally and professional. Not sure that is fair, but I understand it. 

Maybe this is my way to help break that cycle of expectations. To tell others that they don’t have to strive for perfection, just focus, work hard, do what you think is right, and be honest with those around you. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

Feels good to say it. From doubts on if I spend enough time with my kids, finished a home project, completed a grant, to feeling like I could of done more, haunt me. Each time I accomplish something that I am proud of, I get something pointed out to me, or that I notice, where I wish I had done something different. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

As a human being I am still learning, still growing, still finding my way in the world. I want to make an impact, I want to help, I want to use my skills to make a difference. I often feel like the more I do, the more questions I get of “why did you do that?”. Especially when I make a mistake, it gets judged twice as hard versus if I was just sitting back and not pushing myself. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

We all need to give leaders a break, including me. I actually caught myself the other day putting really high expectations on someone, and I realized I do it as well… that person is also trying, also balancing life, also just trying to learn and grow. We can’t expect 180% everyday and no mistakes, things happen. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

To everyone that has helped me up when I made a mistake, thank you. To those who expect a lot from me and push me to accomplish more, thank you. To those who judge me over a perception, thank you for the critique, and I forgive you. We all do it, I am trying to do it less and I at least won’t judge you for judging me. It’s a start. 

No one is perfect. 

In a world that is slow to give second chances, be the one who gives a third chance to someone. Be the one who doesn’t expect perfect but expects effort, passion, dedication, drive, etc. The world needs more understanding, not higher expectations, the world needs compassion not judgement. 

Share your imperfections. 

I wrote a blog earlier this year to be what you need for others, so now let others know your flaws so it validates theirs and might help you build a connection. I have a confidence that comes off as condescending, so I sometimes come across as cold to people at first meeting. As the leader of a group I tend to get credit for our successes, I try to share credit, I try to be clear its a team effort. I try to tell those around me how much I appreciate their effort, support, partnership, but sometimes I forget. I wish I was better at being thankful. 

My list of imperfections is long… so I’ll stop there. Save some others to share later. Thank you to all my friends and colleagues who love me the way I am. I am not perfect, far from it, neither are you, but hey, we all make the world a more perfect place, together. 

The Attitude One Is for Me

My youngest turned 5 last week, my oldest turns 18 in just over a month. Yeah lots going on in Casa de Centellas these days... I wanted to share a funny story, but also just share a little about my little one.

A while back we got contracts from the kids' school. Both Mari and Cruz go to the same school. So I got them together in the kitchen, and before I signed it I wanted to read to them what is expected of the parents, and what is expected of them. The list of their expectations went a little something like this...

Come ready for school
Keep your hands to yourself
Choose your attitude
No bullying
Do your homework
Etc.

As I finished the list, I asked them, do you guys understand and will follow these rules? Mari right away replies:

"The attitude one is for me, the rest is for Cruzy"

She's sassy and she knows it. I kinda like it, I mean I want her to speak her mind. I want her to challenge things when she thinks they don't make sense. I want her to be her, and express her feelings and frustrations. I do want her to eat more vegetables though without fighting me. Win some, you lose some.

When I drop the kids off to school as they jump out I tell them to work hard, be a leader, and that I love them. She often turns around and tells me, "I know Papi!" One day when I picked her up she told me, "Papi I was a leader today", I asked what did you do? "I told everyone what to do, but they didn't listen!" #BossLady

Anyhow, I planned to write this into more of a lesson of some sorts that I learn from her, but really just wanted to find a blog to use this favorite photo of Mari from a SB Cubs game last summer. She snatched my glasses off my head, put them on, and said, "I don't like these glasses" but then didn't give them back. She is a real charmer.

I try to post about her antics as we drive to school daily. I pick her up most days from her morning preschool to take her to the afternoon preschool. What seems like a hassle is really a blessing, our chats in the car and seeing her grow and mature this year has been fun. Or getting to chat with her teacher at pick up about something she did in class she wasn't supposed to (they never wait to tell you good things unfortunately, or at least that has never happened. ha)

Next year she will be in kindergarten, I won't have to pick her up midday... I'll miss those times but I hope I never tire of that sass and 'tude (might regret this post when she turns 13).

Look out world, this five year old is coming to get ya.

No Endorsements. Plenty of Advice

Well South Bend is in full campaign season... lots of people running which in the end is a good thing. In the short-term though it will be tense, will get contentious, and the person with the most votes will win.

Let me make a few general statements on my role during elections and campaigns.

I do not endorse candidates. NONE. 
Yes there are people I like, people I don't like. Some of the people I like, I will vote for, some of the people who I don't like, I might vote for, and some candidates that I consider friends... won't get my vote, or my endorsement. Like I said, I don't do endorsements. I do so for a couple reasons, mostly though as the head of a community organization it isn't my role to get involved in politics and elections aside from helping people be informed, registered, and to cast their vote.

I will meet with any candidate. ANY. 
Yep, any candidate that asks for some of my time, I will do my best to find a time to meet with them. When we meet, I won't let them buy my meal, and I won't buy theirs, its a mutual and even meeting. I will answer their questions about the community I serve, give them my personal opinions and talk about what is important to my community.

I do attend candidate events. WHEN I CAN.
Yes I will attend some events, usually based on my schedule or timing, not because of an endorsement or event that I find more important. I am a voter, and I am a community member, and I am also listening and learning and deciding how I want to vote.

I like a lot of things on Facebook. LIKES AREN'T ENDORSEMENTS. 
I generally avoid liking campaign pages, or fundraising events. I like both local political parties on Facebook. I follow a lot of groups, both left and right leaning pages. Those who know me know I am a non-traditional voter, plus I am not endorsing anyone (I mentioned that already right?).

I have friends in politics. NOT ENDORSING FRIENDS.
I am friends with a lot of candidates, both on social media and in real life. So I might like their pictures, doesn't mean I am endorsing them, might not even mean I am voting for them. It doesn't matter what party, what part of town, what culture or views on policy... no endorsements.

I am not sure if La Casa de Amistad will make a formal statement before the local primary. We are always in a hard spot as candidates want to engage our community, and we want our community to get involved, but we won't make endorsements. I wanted to put this out to be clear on my role.

Finally, remember there is a difference between the right person winning, who you think should win, and who actually gets the votes and... wins. Good luck to all.

What it takes to be Mayor

So much talk right now: Who is running for mayor? Who do you think would be best? What do you like about so and so, and what do you think is... so I figured I would write down my thoughts.

I think there are four key things that are important for someone running for any office, let along for mayor here in South Bend. My suggestions here will be focused on the replacement though for Mayor Pete and why some of my main four things, desire, experience, skills and timing will impact this election maybe more than others.

DESIRE 
This is the no brainer, but someone has to want, or at a minimum be willing to do it. There are a lot of people who want to do it, but don't have the experience, skills or good timing... and there are a lot of people who would make a perfect mayor, but lack the desire. You can't get voluntold into a role like this, you have to want it, BUT most importantly, you have to want it for the right reasons. The KEY here is the difference between desire and a dream, a desire is something you want for the right reasons, and those reasons motivate you to do the job well for those you serve.

EXPERIENCE
It is important that the candidate for any role be able to articulate how they will handle the specific tasks related to the job. Here many people confuse similar roles to the needed experience. Being a good city council member doesn't mean you can be a good mayor, the roles are very different. Being a business owner doesn't mean you can be a successful mayor. For the same reason many assistant directors, when promoted to director fail, they think they understand the job but don't, or the things that made them a good assistant made them a bad director. The KEY to watch here is most politicians spend time explaining to you how much they care about improving ABC, but give you no ideas on how they will make that change, usually cause they don't know how. So watch for boring answers with details, not fancy replies that emotionally excite you.

SKILLS
Now here I mean skills or personality traits, like the ability to handle loneliness (its lonely at the top), the ability to see differing perspectives, the ability to fight for someone you don't like, the ability to balance getting blamed for things started before you took over and knowledge that you might not be around to see the actual fruits of your labor and ideas. Those types of skills, yeah using email, tech, knowledge of neighborhoods, etc. are all also good skills. The KEY here is not to confuse experience with skills... there are a lot of people who have done a job for a long time, and don't have the skills to do it well. This is also were people discount age (too young, too old), but skills are skills regardless of age.

TIMING
Maybe one of the most important to be honest... someone can have the desire, the experience, the skills to do it, but if the timing is off it doesn't work. Either they won't run, or they won't do a good job because of distractions. The KEY here is that jobs are like relationships, timing matters, timing matters a lot in terms of potential personal success.

Over the next few weeks we will see a lot of people jumping in to run for mayor. It will not be easy to fill the shoes of Mayor Pete. I'll be honest, when he ran he lacked experience, but the timing was spot on, his desire true, and as we know his skills in handling the city were well matched to the job. It will be hard for candidates to be compared to him, and I think it will be a loss to try to find a someone most like him. We need to find the next Mayor of South Bend, with the skills we need to continue the momentum we have started.

So let's ask good questions of those wanting to run, to those supporting candidates, and lets make sure we get out the vote...

Resolve To Be The Person You Need

We all have that person, that no matter what anyone else says, or no matter how much you hear something, until that person says something, nothing else matters. Or is that just me? Sometimes we have different people for different aspects of our lives, work, family, love, hobbies, etc. 

I have been lucky, the people I rely on in my life are generally forward with their opinions and tell me what I need to hear, when I need to hear it, because I am not perfect, far from it. I thrive off feedback, I like to check-in, I like to hear if things are going well, or hear if they aren't going well... I need constant feedback on how things are going. 

We all strive for success in life, often times feeling like the more we try the farther the target gets. I feel like that a lot lately, and sometimes it can push you to goals you never thought possible, and sometimes it can depress like you like crazy thinking you will never get there... often times the fulcrum which decides which way to feel is one person, the feedback of that one person that you are waiting on. Yeah others give you input, but you need it from that one person, and when it's not there, it's hard. 

Sometimes people don't give input, feedback or advice because they think maybe you already heard it, don't want to bloat your ego, or they don't want to hurt your feelings, or think you might already know. However, we assume they don't give input because they don't care. I am struggling with this myself so looking for input as well.

I have one resolution and some suggestions: 

My resolution to all is "To Be the Person You Need". That means to others, to your friends, your co-workers, your family, be for them what you need. Guess what? You might be their one, the one they seek feedback from, the one they are waiting to say something. So being the person you need to others, might open up others to be the one for you. 

Ask the person you need, if you can be there for them on something. Then tell them you need input, tell them how important input is to you, and that you want to give them the feedback they need. 

This year I had several people, tell me things that maybe I didn't want to hear. So this year because someone was the person I needed, I am now trying to be more vulnerable, more open, more introspective. I think it has brought me some clarity on items, clouded others, but made me value certain things more. Mostly all positive, some that I still struggle with, but am growing. 

So I am asking you to be the person you need in 2019. I also am asking you to be the person I need, and help me grow through different challenges and a mixture of support. If anything I think that 2018 taught me is that we need each more now than ever, there isn't room for negative people, so don't be one, and be the person who others need.