Quarantine Reflection: No Ironman

This past weekend was the anniversary of my first triathlon. This summer was going to be hopefully my first Ironman 70.3. Over the winter I looked at dates, there were a few that worked and were close, and I made a training plan. I would start swim training in March/April and get my bike legs going over early summer. I got a bike trainer, I got new swim shorts, I got a pool membership. 

The triathlon this past weekend was canceled. So were the two Ironman 70.3 events I had looked at completing. I did still bid on an item in the Barron Lake Tri silent auction... nice little FleetFeet gift box on my desk and I supported a good cause. Good news. However, the Speedo I bought over Christmas break, still has the tags on it. Bad News. 

So what happened? Well we all know Covid happened. The pool I joined was closed for a while, but it opened back up. While events were canceled, I had other friends get create and still train, and still in their own way, do it. Not me, no Ironman here. I event bought Ironman branded sunglasses, maybe that was my mistake. 

So did I fail? Well you know as a motivational speaker I need to use some cheesy quote like, you only fail if you stop trying, or failure is one step towards success as long as you don't turn around, insert inspirational mount climber picture, yada yada yada. 

I didn't do it. I could of done it (I think), I just didn't. I have lots of great excuses, and they reduce my guilt, but honestly, I just lost interest in doing it. Does that make the failure feel any better? No, really makes me sad I spent money on some nice swim trunks though, but makes me glad I didn't buy that triathlon body suit though! (whew those are expensive). Should I try again next year? I did enjoy all my sunrise runs and still will be running and biking and I do need to get back into the pool. 

I am not sure even the point of this post. I guess I am just saying failure is okay. Some goals don't matter, no mater how much you cared about them, spent money on them, or whatever. So I thought, let me celebrate the shape I did get in this summer, even if I am not an Ironman, I threw my glasses on and did a killer river workout the other day and got some pictures. 

I am no Ironman, and thats okay. 

 

Quarantine Reflection: Garage Lessons

If you follow me on social media (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook) you can see that my posts have been a buzz of activity lately in the garage. Its been a few weeks now that I got my Datsun Z back from the garage and on the road and I have been driving her nearly daily and working on her a few days/nights a week. It has been a welcome break during quarantine madness.

If you know me you know that I like to teach in unorthodox ways and of course garage time with Cruz has been full of intentional, unintentional and accidental lessons. I try to capitalize on all of them and talk with him before, during or after about what happened. So let's recap a few things.

BUMPERS (write up coming to Z Blog)
The first job I had on my list was installing bumpers. The 280z came with huge heavy bumpers, and I like the slimmer 240Z look. I removed my original ones, I sourced some earlier model bumpers but never got to install them before she went off to the shop. On my first test fit the rear bumper brackets were not correct and would take significant work to get mounted. So I made the call to just work on the fronts and painted them and Cruz helped me mount them. I explained how it was frustrating, but I did't just want to drill a bunch of holes and makes a mess quickly mounting it. I would take my time, try to get the right parts, or make a custom bracket.
Lessons: Do things right the first time, no short cuts.

WHEELS
When I got the car she had a set of 14 x 6 Shelby Cal 500 wheels on her. While I love that iconic slotted mag look, and who doesn't want Shelby parts on their car... the tires on them were junk and I wanted bigger and blingyer. I scored a good deal on some 16x8 XXR wheels and with some rubber on them they made me heavier, too sticky in the wrong way, they rub in the back on bumps and corners... but man they look good! So now that she is out on parole, I needed some wheels we could compete in... so we pulled the Shelby's from storage, I got some cheap rubber installed on them to mess around on, and planned a day with then dude to get them on the car.

I got the tools out; jack, lug wrench, my big impact driver and other related tools. I taught Cruz about safety around a raised vehicle, we choked the wheels, and then we jacked her up. We removed the wheel, and put the Shelby on... and then realized, didn't have the right lugs. We looked and looked... did I lose them? Did I not get them back from the shop? Searched and searched the garage... put the wheel back on the car. We drove her to lunch and I calmed down... then I searched online, Autozone website was being weird but they were in stock. I drove to three Autozones to get enough lugs (needed 16) and went home and jacked the car back up. Well 14 of the lugs I got didn't come with washers, but I was getting these mounted... Got two wheels swapped, feeling good, onto the third and... one of then lugs wouldn't fit... wrong thread... luckily I bought 17! So I kept going. Another one bad thread... then another... and I ran out of good lugs.

I would not be stopped... I knew a couple other stores had more, so went to two more stores and got the ones I needed. However, I still need to cure my issue of missing washers... so I stopped at the Autozone near my house to order more. Six Autozones, still didn't have everything I needed but I had enough. I stayed calm, I stayed focused and didn't quit, and I got the job done.
Lessons: Don't let things out of your control, control you.

MY FINGER
Well at the beginning of all of this... I was rushing one morning to check something on the car. I ran outside and was looking in the car, and rushing back inside, I slammed my finger in the door. I literally shut the door and it latched shut, with my finger still in the door. Needless to say it hurt, I ran inside, I iceed it, Heather had to take the kids to school cause my hand was throbbing.... two days later it was still bad, so I went to the doctor. Doctor said, had I come right away they could of drained the blood from under my nail and recovery would of been ten times better.
Lessons: Don't rush, take your time or injuries happen. Don't be tough, go to the doctor.

I really enjoy working with dudeman in the garage. It reminded me of when N and I would tinker. She was about this age when Cruz was being born, and I got winter wheels for the Jetta and she helped me put them on. I taught her the steps to changing a tire. I enjoy doing this stuff, being busy and working with my kids on it. I am glad they enjoy it as well and that they also learn something.

Memories...

Cruz was in a Fight

Yesterday, while on a zoom call, I got the text from Cruz's program that we need to call in. Usually not a good thing, I asked if it was an emergency, they said no and I texted that my wife would call since I couldn't. Obviously if it was an emergency I would of called right in. Well Cruz was in a fight, coulda been an emergency, but from the time Heather texted me he was in a fight to when I got some details all that ran through

Cruz was in a fight.
He had stepped in to help break it up and protect a friend. He would not face disciplinary action but he should of asked for help instead of jumping in. So while I finished my call, all the ways I would talk to him about it all swirled in my head.

Cruz was in a fight.
It didn't matter to me if he won, lost, who started it, if he was in trouble or not, etc. I wanted to talk to him about it. So I planned we could run an errand, chat, and end with some ice cream (well depending how he answered me... ha).

Cruz was in a fight.
So we went for a drive, first stop was a car wash. On the way I asked him, so what happened... you could tell his heart dropped a little. He started with that he didn't get in trouble, and I told him I know, but wanted to still talk. He told me how it went down, two kids got in a fight, a bigger kid started to hit one of his friends, he tried to stop it, and ended up in the fight. (hit in the eye twice, luckily no black eye).

Cruz was in a fight.
With the car clean, we rolled to Target/Kohls (I needed new flip flops). I asked him, what did he think my first reaction or question would be. He said he thought I would be mad, and I said yeah that would be one reaction, but not my first. He didn't guess, so I told him, my first thing was to know if he was alright. I don't care if he started it, if he finished it, if he won, if he was in trouble or not in trouble. My first thought, was he hurt. I told him I will always care most about if he is okay. Then we talked some more.

Cruz was in a fight.
As we walked from Kohls to Target (found flip flops I like finally) I asked him if fighting sometimes is okay. We had been discussing right and wrong, and he said no, it's not right to fight. So I asked why he didn't get in trouble, well because he was helping his friend. So I asked him again, is sometimes fight right. This is where he floored me, he said, well at that one rally (we go to a lot of rallies but I assume the #BlackLivesMatter event), they said they were fighting for rights, and you agreed with them. He connected those dots, and I said luckily there was not actual fighting at that rally, but asked if he heard about rallies with fighting and he had. So we talked that sometimes fighting back is your only option, so I pulled it full circle, at his camp, he should of called a counselor to break up the fight. What if there was no counselor? What if the counselor didn't do the right thing? What if Cruz was the only person who would stand up and defend his friend?

Cruz was in a fight.
The call a parent doesn't want to get. A chat you know someday you have to have about fighting. Glad we had it when he was 9 and that he wrapped it around current events and that he wasn't hurt (well his eye was a little swollen).

Cruz was in a fight.
It was a good excuse to get a McFlurry on the way home. He did the right thing, he stood up for his friend, he didn't throw a punch but just tried to stop it. Hopefully his last fight, but knowing his competitive spirit, his desire to play sports, it might not be his last. Let's hope they are all as noble, and that I have a few more excuses to get a McFlurry with my dude and chat about right and wrong.

SCOTUS Won't Define This

It looks like tomorrow (6/18/2020) will be the day that the Supreme Court of the United States of America (SCOTUS) will rule on  DACA (read more here). It has been several years since the President (POTUS) tried to end the program. I don't know what they will say tomorrow, I have some idea, but I want to say something regardless of what they say... something that will be true tomorrow night, next week, and next forever.

Immigrants are our friends, neighbors, and family. Immigrants are us, me, you, we all came from somewhere, we all want to be loved, and we all want peace, love, and pursuit of happiness. Whether we say DACA, DACAmented, Dreamers, undocumented... whatever label stays, changes, or goes away, how I feel about immigrants won't change. As I think about tomorrow I have a few more things to say. 

Tomorrow, I don't care what the law says.

I learned in my law class in grad school that there is the right way to do something, the wrong way, and the legal way. The law has no place in what I think is right or wrong, and I think our country is starting to realize that our policies, laws and structure is by and large... wrong. Legal, but wrong, it is laws built to protect those in power, built to hide power structures that keep people down.

Tomorrow, the law is going to be wrong (probably).

We are mostly expecting SCOTUS to end the program. I don't want to downplay what that means for those with DACA, I know it will be hard. I did one on one meetings when this all started with my DACAmented staff members to tell them I will do whatever I can to help. I do know what the SCOTUS decisions won't mean... it won't mean that my friends, neighbors, teammates, fraternity Brothers, essential workers, and so many others with DACA that they are any less than I, less than anyone, and I hope they all know that... and if you know one, tell 'em.

Tomorrow, the law is going to make a big mistake.

The decision tomorrow will not be the end of a battle. It will be the beginning of one. It will be an important milestone in the progress for immigrant rights. It won't define who immigrants are, it will lay the ground work for the fight that is before us. What they say tomorrow will be the next spark in a movement. As long as ICE operates, as long as there is profit in prisons, as long as people are fleeing violence, that usually the USA created.... we will have to fight. 

Tomorrow, the law will make a move, and we will be there to counter it.

Whatever happens tomorrow, it won't be final. They uphold DACA, nice we have time, but we still need action. They end DACA, we have less time, and we need action. The action is the same. We need ALL, and I mean ALL, immigrants to be treated fairly.
                                                                                                                                                         
Tomorrow, the law will speak, will you?

We can no longer sit back and say, "Someone needs to fix that"... the learned helplessness in this country has got to go. We have to fix it, we are the ones that have to fix it. We can't keep waiting for our elected officials to fix it, we can't wait for our kids to grow up to fix it, we can't continue to pass the buck... the law has been on the wrong side of history in this country for too long, what side will you be on?

Tomorrow, I won't pretend posting on Facebook is going to fix this for us. I won't act like this will be easy, and I won't act like it is someone else's fault. I am just as at fault for this as anyone, we are all to blame, and we all must work together to fix this... we must listen to those impacted, we must empower others, we must trust each other, we must value the contributions that everyone can make, we must know that nothing is perfect, but that nothing improves without work.

Tomorrow, SCOTUS will act, will you?

Quarantine Productivity: Hobbies and House Projects

I knew during quarantine that I needed to keep busy, and I knew that I wanted to do more things that would distract me from stress, anxiety and life's issues. As I blogged about earlier I renewed my car hobby and started pushing on work getting done to finish my Datsun 280z (more on that soon), collecting Hot Wheels and just working around the house. Plus I wanted more meaningful time with the kids, so I grabbed dudeman (Cruz) and said lets remodel the basement!

So what was once just storage, then storage plus weight bench, then storage, weight bench, workshop and spare TV room... got cleaned up. It meant a few background things, we needed to organize our storage area, so more storage could fit there (we had a successful quarantine garage sale) and do some needed repair work to make the basement more "finished". When we bought the house is was partially finished and while I am sure it would still be labeled that, it is slightly more now.

What started it all was that I wanted to replace the floor tiles. They were chipped and coming up, and I found some garage/basement floor tiles I thought would be quick and easy. Well you know nothing worth doing is quick and easy... and in my typical, "If you give a mouse a cookie" style the floor turned into painting walls, fixing some ceiling tiles, and then totally redecorating the room. I wanted to do it on a budget and so it was a lot of repurposed furniture, some resale finds, and painting things to match my theme.

Cruz loves to learn and work with me. He helped me clean and sand things, solved problems, measured, worked on his math, and gave ideas on things to decorate. Reminded me of N at his age, she loved projects and helping me work on my cars or the house. M is a tad too young to be helpful, and she didn't want to help anyways so we both won... ha.

So what all did we do? Well we painted, including an old wood paneled wall. We ripped up tile, sealed the floor, and put in some snap tile designed for garages. We ended up doing about 2/3s of the basement not just the new "Car Cave" as Cruz dubbed the space.

Paint... the walls were yellow, yes like canary yellow. We patched a little, and decided to paint most of the room white but to do the wood paneled wall in grey and part of one partial wall to color block the space. A dark red accent color we did on the registers and it tied into all the art well and we carried it over to other parts of the room.

Art... I bought a couple big frames, but mostly grabbed used frames we had in the house and art I either had already had or things I got for Cruz's room we ended up not using. I spent the most on the cool Datsun print that I put over the futon.

Furniture... the futon was the bottom of my college bunk/loft. It needed a mattress and Cruz helped me custom make some arm rests for it (he painted them red). I had a pair of ugly green vinyl chairs I bought years ago, finally took them out, dyed the chairs grey (N picked that over black which was my idea, she was right) and polished the chrome on them. I then scored a used wooden display shelf that had a clock on it. I took the clock out, mounted the license plate from my last race car and painted the shelf black... it now houses a few Datsun model cars.

Hot Wheels... to display my expanded hobby I made Hot Wheels some of the accents around the room. I custom made some shelves for loose cars and got a collector display. Interestingly all three kids have really gotten into collecting so that turned into some side fun as part of this as well.

Rims... not finished yet but I have always wanted to make some furniture out of rims. I have three wheels off my NX2000, the first car I autocrossed. I am testing some ideas on how to make them into end tables, and working on an idea for spare wheels I got to be a coffee table. More on that in the future... but the one table is there for now.

I put in a bunch of all of my favorite car things... racing, Nissans/Datsun, MOMO, some trophies, Hot Wheels, and a couple collages of racing pics with my dad and other family and friends (Team PLP!) who attended events.

Finally as the project finished I celebrated the completion with a car themed movie night... no one else wanted to watch, but dudeman and I watched Ford vs. Ferrari (we both give it a thumbs up), ate popcorn and then I gave him his own GT40... a Hot Wheels GT40.

More pictures on my Facebook Page. https://www.facebook.com/cruceno21/media_set?set=a.10100584889174563&type=3

Quarantine Reflection: Personal Changes - Part 1

We know a lot of things have changed under quarantine, and many things will never be the same. Some things we will wish could go back, and many we will be glad have changed. Whether it is the #BlackLivesMatter movement, how we shop, how/where we work... it will be a brave new world when this is all over. Things will change if we make them, so now is the time.

During my quarantine reflections I have thought a lot about who I am, what I am doing, why I do it, and more importantly what I should do differently. I honestly got really depressed earlier this year about my life/work balance, and quarantine at first made it worse, and then clarity came. Talking to a counselor made me realize I need to do things to work on me. I started thinking on some personal changes I could do to make me the better version of me that I know I can be... well here in a few blogs I will discuss those. It is all still changing but basically here is my list and my first blog discussion (ideally a blog on each coming as I have time). 

My main changes (so far): 

More Family Focus - quarantine allowed me to see just how much I was missing of my kids and how much more time I want to have with them. I need time focused on them, and less time when I fit them around work. I can fit work around them, and still be good at my work. 

Enjoy My Age - From what I drive to my schedule, I feel like I needed to upgrade to being in my 40s. Most of my friend group is younger, and I still travel and work with college students... but I can't drive small sporty cars forever (well not daily) and my body needs more sleep. So I bought a grown up car (blog on that adventure soon) and am working on my schedule post quarantine. 

Get Back to Hobbies - I wrote about this HERE already. It's been nearly a month since I wrote that, my Datsun Z is nearly ready to roll for the summer, my basement "Car Cave" as Cruz called it is pretty much done (before/after pics coming soon), and I am enjoying Hot Wheels and all three kids are enjoying it with me. I needed something else besides work to do in my spare time, and this has made a big different for me. 

Break From Beer - A year ago I went 30 days without alcohol for final training for my triathlon. I lost weight, felt better, and for my first tri turned a decent time for an old guy. I hatched an idea for an ultra multi-day protest run and I thought might as well train during quarantine. What I planned as a 30 day alcohol drought turned into 60, then 90 and now who knows... even with quarantine lifted I am sticking to it. So here is my first of a longer reflection. 

I am sure anyone has thought, man what if I didn't drink? Impossible right? Maybe not. 

Some of my favorite memories were times that included alcohol. Fun college nights, celebration events, graduations, reunions, or even just a beer with my dad on the patio. It's what you do to mingle, to see friends, to network, it's a core part of daily life. Why avoid it? 

Some of the times I wish I could do over, included alcohol, or were maybe because of alcohol. However, would avoiding alcohol cause the change? Not exclusively not, so why avoid it? 

Family will still be Brew Werks regulars! 

If I cut out alcohol, could I still do all the cool things I normally enjoy with alcohol? I think that is part of what held me back in the past from trying to make the decision. Everyone knows I love the Brew Werks, is it only cause of the beer? No, I remember the month I was training I still went a lot, but didn't have beer. I could do it again for 30 days, but longer? I did it in quarantine, could I do afterwards? 

People know I like a challenge, I like doing things that are hard, so here we go. I am not sure how long I want it to last, so far it's not felt impossible. It's been easier in quarantine, but even when Brew Werks opened up I just told the staff I wasn't drinking, and the ice teas kept getting refilled with no questions. 

So if you see me out, I will probably still buy you a beer, but don't need to buy me one. I'll take an ice tea, unsweetened please (still training for a potential run), and more than happy to talk work, life or whatever without a beer in my hand. 

Thanks to everyone who will help me make this commitment last. 

Quarantine Reflection: Hobby Time (Part 1)

I used to be a car guy, yeah I say used to be because I would have considered it a big part of my time. While lately the only time I spend on cars is ogling them online or when they pass me on the street. It is one of those things that when I get asked what I do for fun, or my hobbies, I have to stop and think about it cause I just don't do much with it (or any hobby) anymore, and that has to change!

I am not sure where exactly my love for cars started. I know one big thing was my grandpa owned a garage in Saginaw, Coates Tire, and I loved visiting the shop. When I first moved to the US I lived with my grandparents and learned about his work and I thought being a mechanic would be so cool. Growing up in Michigan car culture was everywhere and I have fond memories of going with my dad to the Detroit Autoshow and all the great random drive ins, car shows and just seeing cool cars around town. Saginaw was a big GM town and so lots of collectors and GM muscle cars.

The past few years with crazy work schedules, still traveling and consulting a bit, and of course the kids, hobby time has been on hold. Plus on top of that my Datsun 280z has been out of commission so made driving for fun farther out of reach. That is one thing I realized in quarantine that I wanted to fix. I want to get back into car stuff. So ramped up work on the Z and I she is running and I should have her back from the shop soon. Then I can start to tinker on her, maybe some body work, finish the interior, etc.

I was looking for other ways besides just working on my car that I can get into the hobby. I remember at a car show I found some Datsun Hot Wheels that I scored... and since then once in a while would score one if I saw it on a peg at a store. Well I went down the rabbit hole during quarantine... Since I can't get to racing (season postponed and my car is still down) I started looked at Hot Wheels. I first wanted to get some more Zs, then other Datsun models, then some Nissan's and of course a GTR/Skyline or two... and it worked out timing wise as I was in the middle of a little reno our main basement room and planned a little car theme... so did some Hot Wheels decoration pieces... Put my new collection to work right away.

I didn't realize how good it can be though to change gears in my mind. To just turn off work, turn off work related Facebook posts, turn off stress (well try to), and search for cool Hot Wheels after the kids go to bed. To make a quick Meijer run to check out any new stuff... and what better hobby than things that usually cost $1 or $5 (mich cheaper than parts for my Z!).

I scored a few fun things, I will try not to turn into that guy chasing down delivery trucks to get first dibs on new cars... time will tell. For now I have a cool little display of some of my favorite cars. I also was surprised that the kids, all three, got into it. Mari loves open wheel Indy style cars, Cruz loves all the exotics (Lambos, Ferraris, and I got to find him a Bugatti) of course Corvettes and Mustangs. Novali remember a Blues Clues matchbox car I gave her when she was little (I am going to see if I can track one down for her...). I got some multi-car packs and I pull the ones I want and they all pick the rest. It was a fun Sunday afternoon last week watching them take turns picking the next car they wanted.

Pictures of my finished basement room, and Hobby Time Part 2 (and maybe 3) posts, and info on my Hot Wheels display area coming soon...

Quarantine Reflection: Disposable Workers doing Essential Work

While yes we can do more, I don't like all the blaming the community happening right now... 

AFP Via GettyImages (linked article)

I am not the only one thinking this, the article (where I got my image) lays out some of the national items. What we are seeing now and local news is reporting here in South Bend is a high percentage of local cases are of Latino community members. Locally about 30% of the cases are Latino and the population is about 15% Latino, so that is very disproportionate. Stories here: SB Tribune , WSBT 

While I agree we could use more Spanish language materials promoting the safety guidelines, where I disagree is them missing the main parts of my interviews about the our community is more exposed which of course causes more cases. 

Here is my rant.... the main reason our cases are high, is that we have to work. Low income families, especially minority ones, and compounded in undocumented families, have to work... many aren't getting stimulus checks, many don't qualify for unemployment, and many can't just work from home. 

Many of the jobs held by our community members are made to work because the work place is deemed essential. The problem is, essential workers, in essential work places, are often being treated as disposable. Our familia working in factories, grocery stores, food production, etc. are being put at risk daily and not being protected like they should. The government closed down non-essential businesses, which technically protects those workers more than "essential workers". 

Right now essential workers, are put on the front line, and put at most risk. While non-essential workers, had their work place closed and they were sent home and kept safe. 

This disparity will certainly be thoroughly researched in the future. Certain work fields will have high infection rates; grocery store workers, factory line workers, food production employees, etc. will have high rates. Certain work fields that could easily work from home or in quarantine like CPA's, Bankers, Lawyers, Administrators, consultants, technology positions, etc. will have low rates. Make a list of stereotypical Latino jobs, are those workers able to work and stay safe? By in large... no. 

So please remember...  it is not just health care workers risking their lives to support us during this crisis. So where those people that got sick at the meat packing plant, a local factory or just the night stocking crew at your local grocery store that kept your family fed but probably didn't have good health benefits, banked PTO, or any safety net in case they got sick. They couldn't afford to not work. 

There will be a lot of heroes in this, and as usual a lot of villains. Keep your eye out for those wanting credit (probably a villain) and keep and eye out for that Latina mom, that showed up daily to work, who had to bring her own PPE, who had no other option to continue bringing a check to pay the rent and take care of her family. She needs your help, but she will never ask for it... she is essential to her family, to her community, and to this country. 

For the Quarantined Moms Out There!

It goes without saying that 2020 was already off to an interesting start, and then now the middle is for sure not getting much better. This quarantine has brought out the best, and the worst in all of us, but reminded us why family is so important.

Normally I don't get to see my mom, she is in Florida, then my mother-in-law is in AZ and it's normally a weekend we spend treating D to some of her favorite things around town. Luckily in quarantine most of our plans were not thwarted so that is good... Cruz bought flowers (and we planted some yesterday), Mari made some art, and N made eggs Benedict and the kids helped with pancakes and did breakfast in bed with her to kick off the day. Let's see how the rest of the day goes, Facetime with my mom coming up soon!

I of course want to shout out the moms in my life, starting with my mom. She is in Florida now and hunkered down trying to wait this quarantine out. My siblings and I all know that Bev is the strongest woman out there... not only did she raise us four kids (and we fortunately all turned out alright) but she did a ton in her life. From surviving polio, to moving to new continents (several times), to fighting off cancer, to of course raising us crazy four kids. My mom was a school teacher, and now that we are home schooling our kids, I respect teachers even more! Love you mom!

Next up is always D and man this quarantine life has been rough! We are both working from home, we have three kids doing distance learning, and wow, it is a lot. We normally venture out for a nice meal on Mother's Day, the kids behave and we try to surprise her a few times. It's harder to plan surprises all in the same hour 24/7 and of course since we can't eat out, we planned to cook some of her favorite things here at the house...

I can't leave Tamara off my list, this year started with a jolt for her, but as usual she handles challenges well. We have luckily parented a pretty special kid, N turned out well and just finished her freshman year of college. Wow Tamara, we have a college sophomore! Where did the time go? Thank you for the partnership and for being a great mom to N of course, but also to Jacob. Hope you all have a great day.

To all the moms I know, my sister Raquel of course, and my mother in law, and my two sister in laws, man so many good moms out there that I know. Thank you to all of you for the sacrifices you make, lunches you make, schedules you keep, and crazy errands to take care of your family.

I also want to give a shout out to all the moms out there, but also to everyone who lost a mom. Whether you lost your mom this year, like my best fraternity Brother Victor, recently like my mom that we lost grandma (Lessons from grandma Millie) just a few years ago, but to all my friends that are missing their mom today. I luckily have mine, and lots of other great moms in my life, you are in my thoughts as you miss yours. I know for some today is a celebration, but for others it brings sadness and I am thinking about you all as well.

Alrighty everyone... enjoy today, whatever it might be, whatever it might bring, whatever you might be able to do today.

Quarantine Reflection: Not Perfect

Finally another quarantine reflection... this one is about not being perfect. As a leader, I often get put on this impossible pedestal... that I have to be perfect, that I can't make mistakes, that everything I do must be 100% thought out, 100% on target, and 100% perfect.

Many years of having that pushed on me, I think pushed me over the edge. Now the thought that things must be perfect impacts all I do, from how I do things with my kids, to my house, to hobbies, and everything from my personal life to of course work. Plus I saw this image, and since our crab apple tree just blossomed, I figured let's write.

I am not perfect. Trying to be so though made me either give 100%, or 0%.

Like my car hobby.... I haven't raced in years, haven't been competitive in autocross since 2012 and fallen way down from when I used to win events in Grand Rapids with the Furrin group and place at huge Detroit Regional events. I went from getting good, to not doing it all...

Like work... for it to be at 100% means I have to give everything plus, and I do. Unfortunately that means at times I feel like I am running out, or lately it feels like I have been sprinting for the finish line that is not coming. Each turn, each bend, each new stretch... it's not the end... but I am spent. So what do I do?

The same with my kids, I put off doing something cause it isn't what I want to do... I want to take a road trip with my dude, just travel and do whatever. I want to treat Mari to perfect day. Well I can't, but I can just make some sandwiches and take Cruz fishing. I remember fun road trips that N and I would do together, so much fun. I know my kids are getting older and I need to do what I can, perfect or not, but to stop putting things off.

My yard, and the house... I would love to quit my job for a month and get all the house projects done and do them 100%. The patio that would be awesome for outside meals and finally smoothing out the lawn so the ball will roll straight, or just getting the fence up and finished. I can't do them, and don't want to skimp, so it all just sits.

I am not perfect. I also can't give 100% to everything, I am an engineer, I understand the math and how percentages work. I also know that I need more balance. I don't want to let people down though, my kids, the families I serve, boards I am on, everything.

I am not perfect. I have to allow myself, and know others will understand, when I make mistakes. Interestingly this last year with my team, I told them, to be creative, let's try new things, don't fear mistakes, take chances... but here I am measuring too much, weighing too many risks and not looking at major rewards. Here I am with all these things I want to do, and not doing them for fear that they won't be perfect.

I am not perfect. I have been telling myself that over and over, and more and more lately. Not out of lack of confidence, but in maybe trying to give myself confidence to do things that I really need to do, but fear of falling short of perfect gets in the way.

I am not perfect. I say sorry too much, maybe it's why people like me, I tend to make things my fault. I make them feel good, but too many apologies means my finish line got longer, and I can't sprint forever.

I am not perfect. There I said it, a few times actually, and that feels good. I am about to take Cruz fishing tonight, but just at ND. I am going to race this summer, if my car is done or not. I am going to make a few huge mistakes, and let them go and take a deep breath.

I am not perfect. You don't have to be either, but if you are, awesome, if you aren't, still awesome. Let's all give each other some slack, some grace, some flex, some second and third chances.

I am not perfect, and in an imperfect world just looking for my place. All this time at home has made me think about how I can help others with the things I struggle with, so thought I would write this down. Last post was a tip on something I do well, this is about something I don't do well...

I am not perfect, but I do promise I will try to write more of my reflections. It felt good putting this out there for all of you, edited it not, grammatically correct or not (I know, I can't help), but here is it, my thoughts for this Sunday.

Quarantine Reflection: Efficiency

This quarantine has me spending time thinking about the things I am good at, and the things I am not as good at... It also has be stretched thin on time, and so I figured I would blog about one thing I know that sets me apart... I am efficient.

It is one of the things I joke with people about when people ask what is one of the traits that I think is best for a leader. It is above all the flashy things people mention... being efficient. There is a lot to do in a day, and people always think about ways to prioritize, or multitask or whatever... but sometimes it is just planning your day and time well and being efficient.

I quote all the time a lesson I got at my first real job, at Denny's, from another table busser and dishwasher. He told me, never go anywhere, without looking for something where you are, that belongs where you are going. I think about that all the time and it drives me desire to be efficient all the time. It's how I can get more done in a day, and it takes planning ahead, but it works.

During quarantine this has become increasingly important. I have more demands, working full time (plus), trying to home school kids, make meals, answer calls, volunteer commitments, boards... it is a lot. Lot's of people think I get my efficiency from being an engineer, but really I credit that old busboy for the advice.

For example, the other week the comforters needed to get washed, so that meant a trip to the laundry mat. So I looked up the location's hours, maps around it, and figured... I can get my morning work out in while I do the comforters.

I went to the laundry mat and started the wash. I planned a 2 mile loop while stuff washed. I got back right on time, paused my workout, got the comforters into a dryer and then went for a second lap around while things dried. Finished my 4.25 mile run, grabbed the dry laundry and headed home to start the rest of my day.

Lot's of people think getting lots of things done, being a leader, completing projects, or whatever they see "busy" people doing takes skills they don't have... anyone can be efficient! It just takes focus and planning, and during this time we all need to feel accomplished at the end of a day.

We are all in this together, let's all help each other, here I am sharing one of my things I am good at, and my tip to help accomplish more, be efficient.

2 Years a Host

Rehearsing from the script.  

This month marks two years that I have been hosting the Education Counts Michiana show on WNIT (PBS). Aside from the automated LinkedIn comments and messages the anniversary passed without much fan-fair... ha. I did want to take a minute to reflect on that a little, continue my pledge to blog more.

I remember when asked if I wanted to be one of the hosts I thought... what? I have no experience, but then I figured as a public speaker and often times interviewed in the news... how hard can it be?

Well it proved to be harder than I thought, but also so rewarding. Generally challenges bring good rewards in learning and experience. I remember watching the first episode on TV... cringe worthy; what I thought felt smooth and natural, came off a little (or a lot) robotic and scripted. I vowed to improve, and watching myself last week I thought... man it's still not perfect, but so much better.

My kids love to make fun of me when we watch they show, they barely make it past the intro. It was fun that I got to tape an episode in front of my parents this summer. My mom was a teacher so I think she liked seeing me doing something education related.

What I have maybe enjoyed the most was learning about the industry. How to read from a teleprompter, thinking about what my hands are doing while I talk, to even thinking about my forehead and facial expressions. They all come through, especially in some of those odd screen shots, ha. Or trying to remember what I wore last time and to mix up my outfits.

So what do the next two years have in store? I hope to continue to improve, and that the show keeps growing and morphing into new adventures. I am glad I took the risk and took on this adventure and it reminds me to be open to challenging opportunities.

I am still at La Casa full time, probably not going to change careers just yet, but for sure looking forward to continuing to host this really cool show. Check us out: https://www.wnit.org/educationcounts/

The Last Lily

I started the fall care of my stella de oro lilies, and I saw what is maybe the Last Lily of the season and it made me think... As usual when gardening my plants and flowers teach me a lot about life and leadership. (Growing Leadership Blog)

As I was pulling the dead stems and leaves I saw one of the last lilies of the season. It was humble, a little sad, surrounded by dead leaves, and clearly not as big as some of the beautiful blooms from this spring when the lilies were absolutely popping.

It made me think... is this bloom not just as special? Or is it more special? It's been dry, hot, the rest of the plant is withering.... but this bloom said it's my time, maybe not the perfect time, but it's my time. It came to shine, and it might not know it is smaller than the spring blooms, you know what, it might think it is the best bloom, it is the only one out there right now!

Maybe I connected cause lately I have felt the same. It's been a hard year, lots of work, lots of challenges, lots of things both personally, professionally and family related that have pulled my attention. Plus I got another year older... I am not a spring bloom anymore myself. Ha.

Life is about perspective. It is about seasons that come and go, it is about change and growth. It is about waiting for your time, and also about using whatever time you have, to make something beautiful. It is about not comparing yourself to other blooms, or about not being afraid to be the only bloom.

Lately I have felt how I first saw that Last Lily; not as bright, not as big, not as vibrant... now I feel better, knowing that maybe the situation isn't perfect, but we are blooming. I am blooming (at least trying). I am not the perfect bloom and I have a ways to go, but this Last Lily also says, I'll be back next season, you just wait and see...

Thanks Last Lily for the life lesson, you are a beautiful bloom.

Enough Apologies, Right?

I am not sure what to say anymore. About anything, literally about everything. I get asked a lot in my varied roles from Greek Life speaker to community immigration advocate what I think about the latest things going on. I often just say, I don't know what to say anymore...

However this new Kappa Alpha fraternity issue from Ole Miss... I got something to say.

First off, do you actually wonder why the fraternity statement is total BS? I don't, and you shouldn't either. The fraternity isn't mad these members did this, the behavior is obviously completely acceptable by KA standards. The proof is, tons of members of KA saw this, and liked it, and probably shared and laughed about it, it wasn't a KA member that said, "Hey Bros this is not cool, take it down or I am telling..."
Right?

So then that means the fraternity (as in the national body) is just mad over the negative PR. The members got suspended, not because of their actions, but because of the actions of the general public. The fraternity is not mad their members did this, the fraternity is mad their members got caught doing this, and mad that other people are mad about it.
Right?

If all of us saw this, and thought, oh well, thats Mississippi and said nothing, guess what KA would say? Yep, it is Mississippi, and that is just how it is, and we believe in free speech, freedom of association, freedom to be racist, or not, or whatever excuse people make to look the other way.
Right?

So to all my friends working in higher education? Working in Greek Life specifically... I know we hate how national organizations look the other way on hazing, on sexual assaults, on alcohol abuse, but will we fight the same on racism? I mean we haven't... but yet so many of you go HAM on Trump, HAM on claims to be progressive but daily we let students get away with this? Daily we let Greek Life marginalize minorities and exclude people, daily we let this happen. I worked in the industry, I could have done more and I didn't, I'll admit it. Now I am here to say enough, and we need to stand up to this or it will never end.
Right?

So... is the photo offensive? Or is the action offensive? Will you say oh well, or will you say enough? Will Greeks begin to admit to their racist past, and present, and then try and fix the future? Or will we all continue to just look the other way and wish things changed... cause guess what, they won't change unless we start doing something about it...
Right?

I think the saying goes we can't expect a different result unless we do different things. Right? So will we stop looking the other way? Will we stop pretending Edgewater doesn't exist? Will we stop pretending recruitment wasn't designed to keep out difference? Will we have the hard conversations? We have pretended for a long time... will there actually be a hard conversation around this at AFA this year? Let's be honest, the track record in the industry is that we want these conversations to go away...
Right?

Let me be clear, this is not a ploy for me to come and speak to your campus. I actually figure this means less friends will want to book me, cause hey I am mad, and I won't hold it in anymore... you want me to come to campus, I want to be honest... let's start keeping it real here, cause I love Greek Life, I love my fraternity, but all have flaws and they won't get fixed unless we try to fix them...
Right?

Just Wanted A Haircut

Tonight I took Cruz for a haircut. While we waited, a group of gentlemen from Dungarvin were also there getting haircuts. Cruz noticed, but didn't stare, or even ask me a question. We waited our turn and he got a great haircut.

While he was getting his haircut, the couple gentlemen and their helper left. The guy next to me made a comment like "wow that was interesting". I spoke up and said yeah, it is great they are out getting a haircut on this nice night. Not getting the potential negative agreement he was fishing for, the guy and I actually then struck up a good conversation about quality of life for people, all people.

As Cruz and I drove home I asked him if he noticed anything different about the guys in there, "yeah the one guy was kinda loud, and the other guy needed helped moving." I asked him what did he think of it, "Nothing really". I asked him if they scared him, "No, just different, they just wanted a haircut."

Beaming with pride, I asked him, what he would do if someone made fun of them or asked them to leave. "I would ask them to stop being mean, and tell them to stay."

It was nice to hear that, that in a time when so many in the public eye are telling people to be mean or judge others, my little guy knows, those guys just wanted a haircut, and that they are just like him.

Sometimes as a parent you feel like a total failure. Sometimes, you are so proud of your kids you aren't sure what you did to deserve them.

Tonight Cruz just wanted a haircut, and it turned into so much more, and something that I needed to hear tonight. Thanks world, all is not lost.

Perfect Leadership Expectations

I am not perfect, far from it. 

It is a daily struggle to balance expectations and capacity and while I am proud of what I have accomplished so far in life, I know I fall short a lot. It was part of my reflection when I turned 40. I wanted to write more especially for those who maybe look up to me, or those I am mentoring, to not let your flaws hold you back. 

I have found that as I got into more successful or public roles the stress and pressure rise and the stakes are higher. What I have found the most difficult to handle is that there is an expectation to be perfect. You are judged at a different level, and I get it, similar to elected officials, there is a higher bar of expectations both personally and professional. Not sure that is fair, but I understand it. 

Maybe this is my way to help break that cycle of expectations. To tell others that they don’t have to strive for perfection, just focus, work hard, do what you think is right, and be honest with those around you. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

Feels good to say it. From doubts on if I spend enough time with my kids, finished a home project, completed a grant, to feeling like I could of done more, haunt me. Each time I accomplish something that I am proud of, I get something pointed out to me, or that I notice, where I wish I had done something different. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

As a human being I am still learning, still growing, still finding my way in the world. I want to make an impact, I want to help, I want to use my skills to make a difference. I often feel like the more I do, the more questions I get of “why did you do that?”. Especially when I make a mistake, it gets judged twice as hard versus if I was just sitting back and not pushing myself. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

We all need to give leaders a break, including me. I actually caught myself the other day putting really high expectations on someone, and I realized I do it as well… that person is also trying, also balancing life, also just trying to learn and grow. We can’t expect 180% everyday and no mistakes, things happen. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

To everyone that has helped me up when I made a mistake, thank you. To those who expect a lot from me and push me to accomplish more, thank you. To those who judge me over a perception, thank you for the critique, and I forgive you. We all do it, I am trying to do it less and I at least won’t judge you for judging me. It’s a start. 

No one is perfect. 

In a world that is slow to give second chances, be the one who gives a third chance to someone. Be the one who doesn’t expect perfect but expects effort, passion, dedication, drive, etc. The world needs more understanding, not higher expectations, the world needs compassion not judgement. 

Share your imperfections. 

I wrote a blog earlier this year to be what you need for others, so now let others know your flaws so it validates theirs and might help you build a connection. I have a confidence that comes off as condescending, so I sometimes come across as cold to people at first meeting. As the leader of a group I tend to get credit for our successes, I try to share credit, I try to be clear its a team effort. I try to tell those around me how much I appreciate their effort, support, partnership, but sometimes I forget. I wish I was better at being thankful. 

My list of imperfections is long… so I’ll stop there. Save some others to share later. Thank you to all my friends and colleagues who love me the way I am. I am not perfect, far from it, neither are you, but hey, we all make the world a more perfect place, together. 

The Attitude One Is for Me

My youngest turned 5 last week, my oldest turns 18 in just over a month. Yeah lots going on in Casa de Centellas these days... I wanted to share a funny story, but also just share a little about my little one.

A while back we got contracts from the kids' school. Both Mari and Cruz go to the same school. So I got them together in the kitchen, and before I signed it I wanted to read to them what is expected of the parents, and what is expected of them. The list of their expectations went a little something like this...

Come ready for school
Keep your hands to yourself
Choose your attitude
No bullying
Do your homework
Etc.

As I finished the list, I asked them, do you guys understand and will follow these rules? Mari right away replies:

"The attitude one is for me, the rest is for Cruzy"

She's sassy and she knows it. I kinda like it, I mean I want her to speak her mind. I want her to challenge things when she thinks they don't make sense. I want her to be her, and express her feelings and frustrations. I do want her to eat more vegetables though without fighting me. Win some, you lose some.

When I drop the kids off to school as they jump out I tell them to work hard, be a leader, and that I love them. She often turns around and tells me, "I know Papi!" One day when I picked her up she told me, "Papi I was a leader today", I asked what did you do? "I told everyone what to do, but they didn't listen!" #BossLady

Anyhow, I planned to write this into more of a lesson of some sorts that I learn from her, but really just wanted to find a blog to use this favorite photo of Mari from a SB Cubs game last summer. She snatched my glasses off my head, put them on, and said, "I don't like these glasses" but then didn't give them back. She is a real charmer.

I try to post about her antics as we drive to school daily. I pick her up most days from her morning preschool to take her to the afternoon preschool. What seems like a hassle is really a blessing, our chats in the car and seeing her grow and mature this year has been fun. Or getting to chat with her teacher at pick up about something she did in class she wasn't supposed to (they never wait to tell you good things unfortunately, or at least that has never happened. ha)

Next year she will be in kindergarten, I won't have to pick her up midday... I'll miss those times but I hope I never tire of that sass and 'tude (might regret this post when she turns 13).

Look out world, this five year old is coming to get ya.

No Endorsements. Plenty of Advice

Well South Bend is in full campaign season... lots of people running which in the end is a good thing. In the short-term though it will be tense, will get contentious, and the person with the most votes will win.

Let me make a few general statements on my role during elections and campaigns.

I do not endorse candidates. NONE. 
Yes there are people I like, people I don't like. Some of the people I like, I will vote for, some of the people who I don't like, I might vote for, and some candidates that I consider friends... won't get my vote, or my endorsement. Like I said, I don't do endorsements. I do so for a couple reasons, mostly though as the head of a community organization it isn't my role to get involved in politics and elections aside from helping people be informed, registered, and to cast their vote.

I will meet with any candidate. ANY. 
Yep, any candidate that asks for some of my time, I will do my best to find a time to meet with them. When we meet, I won't let them buy my meal, and I won't buy theirs, its a mutual and even meeting. I will answer their questions about the community I serve, give them my personal opinions and talk about what is important to my community.

I do attend candidate events. WHEN I CAN.
Yes I will attend some events, usually based on my schedule or timing, not because of an endorsement or event that I find more important. I am a voter, and I am a community member, and I am also listening and learning and deciding how I want to vote.

I like a lot of things on Facebook. LIKES AREN'T ENDORSEMENTS. 
I generally avoid liking campaign pages, or fundraising events. I like both local political parties on Facebook. I follow a lot of groups, both left and right leaning pages. Those who know me know I am a non-traditional voter, plus I am not endorsing anyone (I mentioned that already right?).

I have friends in politics. NOT ENDORSING FRIENDS.
I am friends with a lot of candidates, both on social media and in real life. So I might like their pictures, doesn't mean I am endorsing them, might not even mean I am voting for them. It doesn't matter what party, what part of town, what culture or views on policy... no endorsements.

I am not sure if La Casa de Amistad will make a formal statement before the local primary. We are always in a hard spot as candidates want to engage our community, and we want our community to get involved, but we won't make endorsements. I wanted to put this out to be clear on my role.

Finally, remember there is a difference between the right person winning, who you think should win, and who actually gets the votes and... wins. Good luck to all.

What it takes to be Mayor

So much talk right now: Who is running for mayor? Who do you think would be best? What do you like about so and so, and what do you think is... so I figured I would write down my thoughts.

I think there are four key things that are important for someone running for any office, let along for mayor here in South Bend. My suggestions here will be focused on the replacement though for Mayor Pete and why some of my main four things, desire, experience, skills and timing will impact this election maybe more than others.

DESIRE 
This is the no brainer, but someone has to want, or at a minimum be willing to do it. There are a lot of people who want to do it, but don't have the experience, skills or good timing... and there are a lot of people who would make a perfect mayor, but lack the desire. You can't get voluntold into a role like this, you have to want it, BUT most importantly, you have to want it for the right reasons. The KEY here is the difference between desire and a dream, a desire is something you want for the right reasons, and those reasons motivate you to do the job well for those you serve.

EXPERIENCE
It is important that the candidate for any role be able to articulate how they will handle the specific tasks related to the job. Here many people confuse similar roles to the needed experience. Being a good city council member doesn't mean you can be a good mayor, the roles are very different. Being a business owner doesn't mean you can be a successful mayor. For the same reason many assistant directors, when promoted to director fail, they think they understand the job but don't, or the things that made them a good assistant made them a bad director. The KEY to watch here is most politicians spend time explaining to you how much they care about improving ABC, but give you no ideas on how they will make that change, usually cause they don't know how. So watch for boring answers with details, not fancy replies that emotionally excite you.

SKILLS
Now here I mean skills or personality traits, like the ability to handle loneliness (its lonely at the top), the ability to see differing perspectives, the ability to fight for someone you don't like, the ability to balance getting blamed for things started before you took over and knowledge that you might not be around to see the actual fruits of your labor and ideas. Those types of skills, yeah using email, tech, knowledge of neighborhoods, etc. are all also good skills. The KEY here is not to confuse experience with skills... there are a lot of people who have done a job for a long time, and don't have the skills to do it well. This is also were people discount age (too young, too old), but skills are skills regardless of age.

TIMING
Maybe one of the most important to be honest... someone can have the desire, the experience, the skills to do it, but if the timing is off it doesn't work. Either they won't run, or they won't do a good job because of distractions. The KEY here is that jobs are like relationships, timing matters, timing matters a lot in terms of potential personal success.

Over the next few weeks we will see a lot of people jumping in to run for mayor. It will not be easy to fill the shoes of Mayor Pete. I'll be honest, when he ran he lacked experience, but the timing was spot on, his desire true, and as we know his skills in handling the city were well matched to the job. It will be hard for candidates to be compared to him, and I think it will be a loss to try to find a someone most like him. We need to find the next Mayor of South Bend, with the skills we need to continue the momentum we have started.

So let's ask good questions of those wanting to run, to those supporting candidates, and lets make sure we get out the vote...

Resolve To Be The Person You Need

We all have that person, that no matter what anyone else says, or no matter how much you hear something, until that person says something, nothing else matters. Or is that just me? Sometimes we have different people for different aspects of our lives, work, family, love, hobbies, etc. 

I have been lucky, the people I rely on in my life are generally forward with their opinions and tell me what I need to hear, when I need to hear it, because I am not perfect, far from it. I thrive off feedback, I like to check-in, I like to hear if things are going well, or hear if they aren't going well... I need constant feedback on how things are going. 

We all strive for success in life, often times feeling like the more we try the farther the target gets. I feel like that a lot lately, and sometimes it can push you to goals you never thought possible, and sometimes it can depress like you like crazy thinking you will never get there... often times the fulcrum which decides which way to feel is one person, the feedback of that one person that you are waiting on. Yeah others give you input, but you need it from that one person, and when it's not there, it's hard. 

Sometimes people don't give input, feedback or advice because they think maybe you already heard it, don't want to bloat your ego, or they don't want to hurt your feelings, or think you might already know. However, we assume they don't give input because they don't care. I am struggling with this myself so looking for input as well.

I have one resolution and some suggestions: 

My resolution to all is "To Be the Person You Need". That means to others, to your friends, your co-workers, your family, be for them what you need. Guess what? You might be their one, the one they seek feedback from, the one they are waiting to say something. So being the person you need to others, might open up others to be the one for you. 

Ask the person you need, if you can be there for them on something. Then tell them you need input, tell them how important input is to you, and that you want to give them the feedback they need. 

This year I had several people, tell me things that maybe I didn't want to hear. So this year because someone was the person I needed, I am now trying to be more vulnerable, more open, more introspective. I think it has brought me some clarity on items, clouded others, but made me value certain things more. Mostly all positive, some that I still struggle with, but am growing. 

So I am asking you to be the person you need in 2019. I also am asking you to be the person I need, and help me grow through different challenges and a mixture of support. If anything I think that 2018 taught me is that we need each more now than ever, there isn't room for negative people, so don't be one, and be the person who others need.