One More Scar

Summer of 1997 I had an ACL replacement surgery and had my meniscus scoped. It was a pretty big scar, a couple actually, it was a long healing process and despite the hard work post op I never ended up playing soccer like I had wanted to... the injury happened my senior year, a season with a lot of promise, was cut short just a few games into the season by the injury. 

Summer 2021 my knee didn't turn just right getting up and I knew something was wrong. I babied it, I went to the doctor, who did X-rays and recommend physical therapy. I did that, followed orders, but no major improvement. I was not in pain, but I couldn't really run, and my activity was very decreased. So back to the doctor and got sent to see an orthopedic surgeon. 

There I was given two options, pain management to keep current activity levels, or surgery to regain my normal activities. I had been planning more triathlons, and hopefully a 70.3 Ironman... but of course those plans were all stopped with no running, biking or swimming at all since May. 

I chose surgery, easy choice, I love running, and enjoyed the challenge that triathlons brought me and I wanted to continue. 

November 11, 2021 I had my meniscus repaired. In the grand scheme of things it is a fairly minor, and honestly becoming routine surgery. I think my crutch picture got me more sympathy than I deserved but I appreciated everyones concern. 

That was three weeks ago. Today I rode a bike for just over 20 minutes. I have a long way to go, I won't be able to run they say now until maybe February (was originally hoping for January). Not sure when I can get cleared to swim, no rush there I hate swimming, but it is an important part of triathlons. :)

So I wanted to check in since my last post on social media was about my surgery. Interestingly in the past month or so I also had surgery on my eye, and my Z even got a new scar... turning around at my garage space I hit a commercial truck... so my and I both have new scars. HA. (at least I can laugh about it)

Don't worry I am taking my time and following doctors orders. Doing PT three times a day at home, now twice a week at a professional facility and icing and doin all the things to be back as soon as possible. 

I think scars are like visible memories. Reminders of pain, loss, but also of growth, repair, renewal, a reminder of just how strong our bodies (and skin) really are for us. This year I got a few more scars, and hopefully good comes of most of them.

Well here goes to December, a new month, heading into a new year, getting ready to see what this knee can do, finish up my Z work, and hopefully start a new normal in 2022. 

Learning To Lose

Cruz's Pop Warner team ended their season on Sunday. They lost 19-18, there was crying, there was yelling at refs, there was even yelling at coaches, just overall lots of yelling and emotions. It's the part of sports I don't like, the ugly side, the anger, the desire to place blame, desire to take credit for luck, and just all the negative that comes from competition. We don't do enough to learn and teach through that though, so I wanted to be sure Cruz still got something from all of that... 

During the regular season they had a losing record. In the playoffs they won two in a row, going farther than I thought, and that my schedule planned... but I was excited for him with each win. His smile, his excitement, his smack talking, his boost in confidence. I mean they didn't expect to win a state championship, and they are 10, they will have many other chances. 

I was honestly disappointed in my side of the fans, I too was frustrated with the refs, but hey that's life. The calls don't, and won't, always go your way. Learning how to lose is important, learning that you can only control what you can control is a valuable life lesson. I was pleasantly surprised though, as usual, by Cruz.... all the other players were crying (nothing wrong with crying for the right reason) and complaining and he told me, "I am not sad, it's my first year playing and we made it to the third round of the playoffs!" 

Despite their record (regular season or playoffs) the season has allowed some important lessons. Obviously team work, preparation, importance of focus, why we practice, etc. are all good lessons. All transferable to real life, and even lessons directly from football to remember that your legs are stronger than your arms. They lost their first game of the season, and until the playoffs maintained a losing record. 

So the lesson midseason was, how do we lose and stay positive? 

Cruz is super competitive, he might get that from me... he likes to win, he likes to talk smack, he is confident in who he is and what he knows... often times to his detriment. He thinks he is good in school, but he doesn't get all As... likewise on the field he thinks he is the fastest, most accurate passer, and best player on the team. He is actually second string (started a couple games), plays enough, and above all else has fun. He is in it for the game, not the win... and long term that means he will win more than he loses. 

Whereas I love his confidence, and in the long run it will serve him well, his teams losses have been good for him. Learning to lose is maybe one of life's most important lessons, maybe followed closely by learning how to win (another blog for another day). 

My other favorite quote from him post game, and if you know him, he is good at stats... "Papi, the first time we played them we lost 12-0... so this time we only lost by one, and they are the best team (I think undefeated all season)". 

I think of all the titles I have had in life, coach is one I have never felt ready for, but one that I hope to have some day. I enjoy watching him play, being able to be there for most of his practices, and watch him grow and develop. He is making new friends (its not a school team, so they all come from lots of schools), learning to be humble, learning to play as a team, learning to lose, with poise and grace and purpose. 

So lesson at the end of the season? Losing doesn't define you, you do, focus on the positive and get ready for your next shot, its coming up quick. Complain too much and you'll miss it. 

He wants to play next year. Not cause he thinks his team we will, but because he hopes to be better. 

Overwhelmed

The last few weeks I have been overwhelmed. Not just at work, but at home, with friends, with family, with everything. It is maybe the compounding of it all that overwhelmed me. In all honesty, it's a new feeling for me, so I struggled with it, I normally know what to do, I am the guy who helps others, but this time I was overwhelmed, and it made me anxious, depressed, and honestly a few times was straight up debilitating. 

Before you stress out for me, let me be clear, sometimes my feelings of being overwhelmed, came from positive things. Regardless though, it all contributed to my feeling of being completely out of whack the past few weeks (months honestly). I apologize if my stress lately impacted our relationship.

So what has me overwhelmed you might ask? Let me tell you. 

My work... For eight years I belonged to La Casa, now I don't. Its hard constantly correcting people about where I work, answering questions on why I left, was I forced out, did I want to leave, did I think their future looked good... so many questions, about a big piece of my identity that I lost. It is depressing feeling like, yeah I used to be the important La Casa director. 

My running... Its been nearly 3 months since I got injured while working on projects at La Casa. Time didn't heal it, physical therapy didn't, and feeling like we have made no progress is really depressing. A large of my identity has been running, then biking, and building up my triathlons...  It is depressing thinking that I was a couple months away from attempting a half Ironman and then squatting down while volunteering sidelined me. 

My community... the out pouring of support from friends, clients and La Casa connections was honestly overwhelming. It was nice when people offered me a job, ha... I feel like anyone working in the non-profit industry is recruiting, but I got a cool new gig it's why I left (no drama ya'll it was just time, and good timing). 

Like I said earlier, some of the overwhelmed feeling came from positive things... excitement of the new job, so much support and congrats as I left, but overwhelmed is overwhelmed. 

The last month I have not been me, mixing up appointments, forgetting things, being moody, wanting to avoid places I normally like to go, wanting to be alone... I am a social butterfly but lately I just wanted to be alone and left alone, maybe so I can process and get this feeling of being overwhelmed over with, and then I realized it wasn't the list of things above that were actually overwhelming me and making me not want to go out as much.... 

My identity for the past eight years just changed. "Hi, I'm Sam, I work at La Casa de Amistad". What do I say now? I used to complain that describing what La Casa was to people was hard, and giving out my email to people super hard (sam@lacasadeamistad.org) since it is so long! Well now describing CDFI Friendly South Bend takes a whole background story and pseudo sales pitch, and not sure how I did it, but my web address is now longer than ever (www.cdfifriendlysouthbend.org). 

So again, my apologies if my transition in my work life negatively impacted our relationship. I needed to get this all off my chest as part of closure for one chapter, excitement for the next one, and to take a deep breath of calm for once. 

To others who feel overwhelmed... holler, I am no expert in all that, but I am handling it as best I can, and I know you will also, but if I can help, let me know. 

Reset. 194 Miles. Refresh.

Reset. 

Last week I had the chance and found the time (and weather cooperated) to go back to Gingerman Raceway for a track event with the SCCA. I was nervous all week, I just had a little car work done, will the Z be fine, will it still be fun despite all the work stress swirling, is it worth missing kids activities that evening... 

As I pulled out of the driveway I thought, let's hit reset on the trip odometer and see how many miles this back and forth trip will be when it is done. When I got home I had done a total of 194 miles. It is 65 miles to the race track, about the same back of course, so that means I drove about the same 65 miles around the curves of the track. 

When you are prepping to drive on a race track, at least for me... is one of those those nerve racking things... that leading up you are in knots, you are stressed, you worry the car will fail, worried you will fail, worried you will crash... worried something really bad might happen. 

When you are done on the race track, at least for me... is weight lifting, stress relieving, powerful energy building of... yeah I just did that... and I got to do it for 65 miles that night. 

I felt like I hit reset on me. 

Since then my life trip odometer has gone a tad more than 194 miles. I am realizing more and more that I have to find more times to hit reset. Maybe I can't go to the track weekly (that would be cool though) but I need to be able to look around, enjoy things, be present, and enjoy life more. 

When I am on the track, just Me and My Z, I zone out a little, I smile more, I grit my teeth hard in the corners, I talk to my car and whisper sweet nothings to her to keep going, I just enjoy my car, my hobby, my time. 

As a parent your identity gets tied to your kids, or as a leader it gets tied to your work, there are so many things in this world taking your time, and trying to take your identity. 

With all the changes coming in my life with work, new boards, leaving boards, kids school, family, etc... I need to measure my mileage, check on my mental health, and I need to hit reset. So maybe here we go, time to refreshed. 

Reset. 

For Harold and Mildred

I often post about my immigrant background, especially as it relates to work (La Casa) and my dad's side of the family. Well the past two weeks I thought a lot about Harold and Mildred, my mom's parents.

My grandpa owned Coates Tire in Saginaw, MI. He never even started high school, was a military vet who worked hard in a tough industry... working on cars. It was one of the ways him and I connected, I loved cars and he worked on them, and always look back and wish I had spent more time with him talking cars. 

Last month I joined the Board of Trustees for the Studebaker National Museum in South Bend, IN. I remember when I told my grandpa I was moving to South Bend he cracked a joke about something Studebaker and that he never liked working on them or something... but anyhow at our big Concours Show last week one of the guys there showing off his car reminded me of grandpa. My mom would tell stories of how proud grandpa would be when he got his first new new car, and made them all go for a drive. 

My grandpa taught me to give people a shot. To learn to explain things to people in ways that make sense to them. He taught me loyalty, taught me to always be respectful, and that no matter what happens, there is always a solution. He never finished school, so I think something he felt like he wasn't as "smart" as us grandkids with fancy college degrees. We all knew he was smarter than us all put together. He never found a challenge he couldn't best, and monthly during college, my grandpa who couldn't of afforded to go to college himself, sent me pizza money. 

My grandma worked as a teller with a local savings and loan. When we first moved to the states, my older brother and I lived with my grandparents. It was a few blocks from her job, and my grandma diligently got us ready for school and headed off to her office. She was a proud professional and heading to work reinforced to us kids that greatest generation work ethic they were known for. I remember it was years later, that my mom wrote reflecting on her life growing up, and it included the news article of my grandma being robbed at gun point as a teller! As a board member today of a large credit union (NDFCU) I think about grandma when we talk about staff security and how we treat our employees and the pride our staff have of a hard days working helping people out financially. 

I had the pleasure of having all four grandparents growing up. I don't get to Saginaw, MI as often as I would like, but when I do I usually drive by where Coates Tire was... I often compare South Bend's automotive past to my hometown with its General Motors past. 

So this blog is a shout out to my American roots, to Harold and Mildred from Saginaw, MI. They were my first roof in this country, they were my first ride to school, and I hope that I continue to honor what they taught me today through my work and actions. Love you two, miss you. 

Past blog about grandpa: Greatest Grandpa Harold 
Past blog about grandma: Lessons from Grandma Millie

Miguel for Ward 6

Yesterday my brother stepped into the ring. He ran for city council in Oxford, MS. He ran as a Democrat. He ran against an incumbent Republican. He ran knowing the odds were not in his favor. He ran know the state leans a little red (or a lot). 

Sometimes you step into the ring, not just to try to win. Maybe not even to get a knock down. Maybe just to put a cleverly placed jab. Maybe to get one good clean swing. Maybe you step in knowing you’ll get knocked down. 

You always step into the ring to tell the opponent you aren’t scared. You always step in ready for their best, and to try and give your best. Sometimes your best isn’t enough. But you always let them know, you aren’t scared. 

Thank you Miguel for stepping up, getting in the ring, and not being scared and showing them what you are made of. 

Proud of you Bro! 

Bullies and mowing my lawn.

Today was interesting to say the least. After work I spent time with the kids and Cruz mentioned getting bullied... a kid told him he was going to beat him up. I said, what did you do, and he replied, "I ignored him". 

So we talked about bullies, interesting timing for me, as I had a rough day. So we talked, and I told him yes that is what we do, and that never let a bully make you feel bad about yourself. Mari jumps in, "We know, you always tell us that"... yes I replied and I asked why... "I don't remember" she replied. So I told them again, never let a bully make you feel bad, you should feel bad for them. They are hurting and want to make you hurt to feel better about themselves. I added, that you never return mean with mean, it gets you nowhere, it makes you a bully as well. 

Then we want home, they did trash while I mowed the lawn. Nothing calms me more after a long day than mowing the lawn. Not sure why, but it has always been very therapeutic. We work in a complex world, when projects are never finished, visions are never complete, one strategic plan gives way to another, and so many things are theoretical with no true end. 

While the lawn will need to be mowed again, tonight it is done. Tonight, I started it, I finished it, and I took a picture of it. I accomplished it. No one complained, one neighbor actually stopped me and complimented me on it (also good timing, thanks divine intervention). There are a lot of ways to mow the lawn, I have my way, others have their way. 

Today was interesting. I had a good talk with my mom and dad. Sat and chatted with my oldest. We will see where tomorrow goes. 

I couldn't have asked for more perfect timing to have a bully lesson with the kids. Glad that was put in our path today, and glad that I was reminded how important it is to be kind, to be gentle with others, and most important gentle with myself. Then my favorite poem came to mind. 

from Desiderata - Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit...

Full poem here: https://mwkworks.com/desiderata.html

Dead Last Winner

A couple weeks ago I did a triathlon. I didn't feel like it was an achievement so I didn't post, and then I got busy. I mean it was an indoor one, a short sprint one, I had the date wrong so it was a week earlier than my training plan was set up for, and I came in dead last. 

I immediately was grinding on all the excuses. I mean there were only 11 male competitors, and all experienced (well it looked like it), and people kept coming over to talk to me during the biking part, and yes I had trouble getting the treadmill at my pace, and like I mentioned I never got my trial run (I planned to do the triathlon as a test run the weekend before). Plus I always have the "I hate swimming" triathlon excuse about why I didn't do well. 

Well I am here to say, I am proud of my times. Last or first, it was an accomplishment. Yeah I hate swimming will always be my excuse, but honestly, I should of celebrated more. It was a big deal, I did something I hate (swimming), I did something I love (running), and I didn't care how I looked or how it turned out. 

No matter what, I won, I am a winner. I beat the pandemic, I beat my fear of the swim portion, and I continue to beat the desire to sit on the couch and do nothing. So maybe you are out there feeling like you can't, but hey, you can, you might come in last, but you will finish... and be a winner.

Covid has made the world weird, and one thing we need to do is celebrate the wins, even when they were a loss. Yeah I came in dead last, but hey, I completed another triathlon! So that is something I should celebrate, and something I will brag about... now if only i can get my butt in gear and work on some Ironman training then I can really celebrate, even if I come in dead last.

Busted Knuckles

Well this former Autotech Community College Dropout (past blog on going back to school) is back at the grind. I am sure you have seen pictures of the Z getting worked on, or remember younger pictures of N helping me change our wheels on her car, or dudeman Cruz helping me change an air filter. 

This week in my auto shop class I handled something much less sexy. I rolled in our minivan, she turned the 100,000 mark during pandemic and was due for brakes. I got rotors and pads for all four corners, and bring our baby in. She has helped a college kid move back from pandemic, back to school, loaded mulch for the yard, tools for the garage, and tons of donations to Goodwill. I honestly enjoy driving the van and tell people don't hate on the van.

For those that think I know cars, I am no mechanic... I mean I can tell you what years the Fiero body style changed, when the new Z is coming out, and pretend to explain how a twin turbo works, and what the stock wheels options were on a '75 Datsun... but when it comes to wrenching I still have a lot to learn. Hence, maybe while I am taking classes... and on top of the personal learning, I have a long term project in which getting my Autotech Degree will serve a purpose. 

So anyhow busted knuckles... I remember I wrote a blog years ago about privilege and perceptions (link here). As I walked around after (hands are still a little stained two days later) I started to get embarrassed, or kept my hands in my pockets, but you know, I am proud that I learned something. I am proud that my hands did my brakes, yeah I saved about $1,000 in labor, and I am thankful to the shop guys who caught my mistakes, laughed at me about mounting a rear rotor in the front, or just handed me tools and helped me clean up. 

Well here is the van.. some before, some after, and the baby up in the air. Man I wish I had that lift in my garage! Ha. 

Novali's Keys

The past week our house was a buzz... my parents came for a quick visit, N came home from college to see them, and she brought Leo the cat. Needless to say our house was full, no one got much sleep, we all caught up on life, and spent some good quality time together. We all went to a car show, Cruz and I detailed N's car, my mom did lots of reading to the kids, and my pop and I did some projects (including work on my Z and at La Casa). 

One thing over the weekend though really struck me, had me thinking, and made me want to write about it. Over the weekend I took Ns car out to fill the tank and run an errand. As I walked into the store I looked at her huge jumble of keys, and I thought no wonder women have purses, so much stuff! Then I thought... wait what is this thing... 

My keys are just my Brew Werks bottle cap opener, house key, and car key. Nothing more, nothing less, and I do wish my car key was smaller... but anyhow not the point of this story. My keys fit easily in my pocket. My keys do what I need; start my car and unlock my house. My keys have never had to be a protective device. My key ring has never had to be loaded with something to defend myself. My keys are keys. 

Novali's keys are keys, but her keys also might have to save her life. Novali's keys shouldn't have to be, but they include a protective device. Novali's keys are a sign of one of the many things that are wrong with this world. 

Novali's keys this weekend reminded me to speak up, to challenge behavior, to work to create a safer world, and that I need to be better myself. I hate that she lives in a world where her keys might have to be a weapon. I can't fix it all, but I can try, and we can try, and we must all work together to make this world a safer place. No one should have to turn their key... the item that unlocks their place of safety and comfort, into a weapon to protect their safety or make them feel more comfortable in a dark parking lot. 

I talked to Novalí about it... it turned into the most frank, most enlightening, and most open conversation we have ever had. Ranging from me never crying in front of her, to talking about my therapist, her fear of riding a bike, and her not being born a boy. So for other parents, a conversation about what your kids carry on their keyring might turn into a powerful conversation. If anything, for those of us who only carry keys that unlock things, talk to someone who caries keys that might save their life, and ask them why. Trust me it will be a good conversation for you, and just listen. 

Hopefully all these conversations will help us get one step closer to a next generation doesn't have to carry a weapon on their keyring...

Vacuuming the Titanic

This weekend I vacuumed newly installed carpet. 

A few weeks ago I dusted newly painted spaces, months ago I swept after demolition started, and sometimes it honestly felt like we were never going to get it done. Like I was rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic... but today it felt like we were so close to success that nothing can stop us. 

This week I spent time with my dad and Cruz refinishing tables for our citizenship class. My dad is a naturalized citizen, and Cruz is a born and bread Hoosier. I am in the middle, born in another country but with birthright Citizenship, so I never had to take the test. I want to teach Cruz that his privilege of citizenship, is because of the sacrifice his grandfather made. I think this week we helped connect those dots a little more. 

While managing volunteers at our building project (El Sueño Project) has been hard... often times frustrating honestly, it has been a labor of advocacy. We are getting the chance to tell others not just about our work, but about why the work is important. 

We have been working nearly every Saturday at the building for the past 6 months (or more actually) and we have a few more weeks on interior work, and a few months on exterior work... I will continue going up to move things, organize... and sometimes just walk around and think about this dream, this project and grab a vacuum and clean. 

53rd Monday

Last week I crossed the mark, got the notification on my watch, that I had meet my daily "move" goal for 365 days (760 active calories). So that means today was my 53rd Monday in a row trying to #MakeMondayCount. I am not sure when I started using the hashtag, but I remember when I broke my last streak of move goals, and I thought... just before pandemic hit... can I do a whole year? 

Yes, yes I can. I did. I might take Tuesday off, I might not, honestly not sure. I know today I skipped my morning spin class, but did make it to a Body Pump class and closed my move ring and I #MadeMondayCount. 

I have always liked to do the opposite, instead of hating Mondays, I thoughts let's make Monday my day! Let's set the tone for the week, let's push hard, let's get a ton done, let's bring Friday one day closer. Now I like Friday, but I also like Monday... 

So here is my quarterly blog... ha. Maybe I should write every Monday... but it has been rejuvenating to me, to see how many people say that my journey to better fitness inspired them. I love when people tell me my positive posts (and not just my #MariGems posts) motivate them. I think knowing that other people see what I do, has pushed me to be better, to work harder, and stay on the grind. 

Maybe I make Tuesday count tomorrow... hey maybe not. Either way you know, you can, and you can own Mondays, or any day of the week. If I can do it for 53 Mondays in a row, you can do this week. 

MLK Called Us To Act

I have been thinking about what to write, not just for today, when we celebrate the life and impact of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., but about everything going on in our country, in the world, in my life today. On Sunday we watched some children's focused documentaries on Dr. King with my kids (6 and 10).  It got me thinking about why we remember MLK... the videos focused on what he believed, racial equality, social justice, non-violence, etc. I don't think it is what he believed that made him impactful, and made him an icon... many people believe what he believed, many more believe because of him... he made an impact because he acted on that belief. 

So as we think about about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. today here are some of my suggestions and reflections on his life, impact and how you can help the cause he gave his life for many years ago. 

LEARN
Learning about social justice is a good place to start. Dr. King learned, he learned lessons because of his background, his religion, his education. He learned because he listened, to those who came before him, to those who disagreed with him, and to youth whose innocence teaches. I think on MLK Day we should all use this time to learn, to learn about his life, how he made an impact, but also then about what he is happening today. The fight for civil rights is not over, it has evolved, things have improved, but we have a long way to go. My family spent time watching an MLK documentary, we read some of our books about civil rights, so if you don't have books in your house for all ages... order some now, and keep the around to learn about it and teach your children. 

SPEAK UP
Believing in something isn't enough... we must share what we think, what we believe. We must share with others why these things matter to us, we must tell people why their views hurt, why what they think is not just an opinion, but that it's wrong. You don't have to fight over it, but you have to speak up, and can't just leave it be. You might not change a mind, but be clear you disagree. 

ACT. JUST ACT
Thinking the world should be better won't make it so. Telling people what you believe is a start, but things don't move unless you push on them, unless you pull them, unless you pry a little, until you crack it open. It might hurt, it might be rewarding, it might feel futile, it might be everything you fear... but if it is the right thing to do, then we need to start, not tomorrow, today. 

So what are some things you can do: 

Learn - read about social justice, learn about restorative justice, either in books, online or others. Ask people questions, listen, try to reframe your perspective.
Spend - where do you spend your money? Where do you donate? Find Black owned businesses near you, shop a Mexican grocery store, go to an immigrant restaurant... your dollars make a difference. 
Act - volunteer at places that are making a difference. Take your family, your kids, recruit co-workers... that is a way of speaking up, telling others at work you are volunteering at La Casa, the MLK Center, or something near you make a difference. 

STOP JUDGING
Last thing... I am not perfect, far from it. I try though, I learn, I listen, I act, and I make corrections, I can and will do better. Let's give each other some grace, let's support each other, let's stop judging others. Judging won't change minds, and putting others down won't win this fight. We all have dreams, we all have fears, we all worry, we all want a better world, and we won't get there until we work together to make it so. 

Sueños. Why I Can't Sleep.

First week of January 2014 I couldn’t sleep. I was four months into a new job and my bank account was drained because I didn’t get a paycheck. There wasn’t enough money to cover payroll so I took the hit. In the mail that week came two big grant checks, ah, breathing space. I still couldn’t sleep with so much uncertainty, but dreams of the future kept me going. 

First week of January 2018 I couldn’t sleep. I’d driven by a huge empty school as I left the gym. I noticed the listing. Was it too big? Was it too far? Was it just right? Was it meant to be? I couldn’t sleep, worried if we were going to make the right decision, but dreams of the future kept me going. 

First week of January 2020 and I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts on hoping people like the orange accent color, or if the flooring was right that we picked. I couldn’t sleep because someone knocked over the fire hydrant on our block and I wasn’t sure if that costs us money to repair (luckily it appears no). 

I can’t sleep.
I am a worrier.
It’s kinda what I do.

I think I inherited that from my mom. However, I also inherited her faith. Faith that if I focus on the right things, the pieces will fall into place. I also inherited a work ethic from my dad that told me if I worked hard and had help anything was possible. So far, that’s worked out pretty well.

I want to thank everyone for always helping us overcome obstacles. I want to thank you for giving me new things to worry about. 

I can’t sleep but now it’s not because I didn’t get paid, it’s because I was worried if the new health insurance plan for staff rolled in correctly (it did!). We keep looking forward, we keep growing, and can’t wait to see what the future brings. 

I can't sleep now because of what is happening in DC, but not because of what bad might come of it all, but because of what positive things will come out of it. Focus on the right thing, have faith it will come together, and work hard for it. Like my parents taught me. 

I can’t sleep because this project can’t get done fast enough... and once it is done, I’m sure I will have new things to lose sleep over… and that’s okay. So, thanks friends - for giving me awesome things to celebrate and making some of my worries go away. 

I can’t sleep, but because of all the great things happening, and I can’t be more excited about it all. 

Learn more about that dream, "El Sueño" here: https://lacasadeamistad.org/sueno-project/ 

New Year, New You, New Owe

Often New Years resolutions are about what you plan to do, for you. What you will do to improve your life, how you will live your life differently, to make things better, for you. Stop drinking, start lifting, quit junk food, lose weight, get a promotion, run farther, let your nails grow, etc. 

After what we survived in 2020, the new world we enter in 2021, and the new person you have become through this year... remember you are already a new person. So the question is I guess, who do you owe? 

I think about my mom. Polio survivor, cancer fighter, moved from one continent to another multiple times... those moves weren’t for her, they were for others. One of the moves to ensure we had a better life, couple to be closer to my grandparents/abuelita to help them have a better life, one to be closer to her grandkids... I owe her. So many family members that came before us, molded us, encouraged us, pushed us... I will do like my parents did, I owe them that.  

I think about my kids. My kids didn’t pick this life, they don
’t know anything other than what we provide for them. Is it enough, is it too little, is it just right... I don’t know, but I do know I owe them to be what they need, I owe them my best. I think about all the times people ask my motivation to get healthier, and yeah I joke that it’s to get abs, but honestly it was for them. To be here to be healthier and be around, for them, I owe them that. 

I think about my work. Over seven years ago I was hired, and told the dream of La Casa was to grow. I said in my interview I would do all I could to help us grow. They asked me to lead it, I agreed, and I owe them to give it all I got, cause I said I would, I owe them that. 

I think about all the people who suffered in 2020. I know most of us had set backs, but many lost a mother, a job, a friend, a dream... We all owe it to them to give our best this year, to move forward without regret, to love without fear, to push with all we can this year, we owe them that. 

My long time readers know that I don't make NYE Resolutions (Blog: No Resolution, but Lots of Resolve). So what does this all mean? As usual, I have no idea, but I wanted to throw these ideas down, maybe they help you. Who do you owe? Why do you work hard? What motivation can you find, outside of yourself to keep moving? May all those things remind you, and remind me, why I focus, why I work hard for those I owe.