Full Tank of Gas

This past weekend Novalí came to visit to celebrate Heather's birthday. I did my typical morning routine when she leaves, I washed her car, filled the tank, and got her McDonald's breakfast and coke for the drive home. 

As a parent you always feel like you aren't doing enough or the right things. I often felt torn between work and kids, community and children, and balancing all of life's expectations for becoming successful, being a leader and being a good dad. Parenting I think is the worlds biggest challenge. Don't be too strict, don't be too easy, can't do it for them, can't left them completely fail, want to offer options and opportunities, but let them follow their passion. It's a lot, and all along the way you feel like you have no idea what you are doing, half the time making it up as you go along, and then thinking... man how did my parents figure this all out? 

Then you realize... your parents did what you are doing. They did their best, they loved you, and tried to be the best parents they could. And they were. I bet of all the things they actually taught me, I never realized they taught me... but I remember the moments of care, of celebrating wins, consoling loses, buying cake and putting on bandaids. The unspoken ways that you say you love them unconditionally. 

I hope my kids know when I push them it is because I know they can. I hope they know when I step back it isn't because I think they can't, but because I want it to be their thing. I hope they know that I tried to give them a step ahead in life, like my parents gave me. I hope they just turn out to be better than me. I hope they know I love them no matter what. 

It was a nice weekend. We got big desserts for Heather's Bday, I took N and C to the Clemson game, and I was reminded how lucky I am to have these great kids in my life. When I feel like I am failing as a parent, I need to just hangout with them for a bit and get reminded how great they have turned out. One really no longer needs me, one thinks he is stronger than me, and my youngest probably thinks she doesn't need me... but its nice to feel needed, to feel like what you did was the right thing and they know you love them. 

So how do I show that love? I'll be honest, I am not good at it, but for me it looks like a car wash, full tank of gas and a sausage egg mcmuffin.