The Last Lily

I started the fall care of my stella de oro lilies, and I saw what is maybe the Last Lily of the season and it made me think... As usual when gardening my plants and flowers teach me a lot about life and leadership. (Growing Leadership Blog)

As I was pulling the dead stems and leaves I saw one of the last lilies of the season. It was humble, a little sad, surrounded by dead leaves, and clearly not as big as some of the beautiful blooms from this spring when the lilies were absolutely popping.

It made me think... is this bloom not just as special? Or is it more special? It's been dry, hot, the rest of the plant is withering.... but this bloom said it's my time, maybe not the perfect time, but it's my time. It came to shine, and it might not know it is smaller than the spring blooms, you know what, it might think it is the best bloom, it is the only one out there right now!

Maybe I connected cause lately I have felt the same. It's been a hard year, lots of work, lots of challenges, lots of things both personally, professionally and family related that have pulled my attention. Plus I got another year older... I am not a spring bloom anymore myself. Ha.

Life is about perspective. It is about seasons that come and go, it is about change and growth. It is about waiting for your time, and also about using whatever time you have, to make something beautiful. It is about not comparing yourself to other blooms, or about not being afraid to be the only bloom.

Lately I have felt how I first saw that Last Lily; not as bright, not as big, not as vibrant... now I feel better, knowing that maybe the situation isn't perfect, but we are blooming. I am blooming (at least trying). I am not the perfect bloom and I have a ways to go, but this Last Lily also says, I'll be back next season, you just wait and see...

Thanks Last Lily for the life lesson, you are a beautiful bloom.

Enough Apologies, Right?

I am not sure what to say anymore. About anything, literally about everything. I get asked a lot in my varied roles from Greek Life speaker to community immigration advocate what I think about the latest things going on. I often just say, I don't know what to say anymore...

However this new Kappa Alpha fraternity issue from Ole Miss... I got something to say.

First off, do you actually wonder why the fraternity statement is total BS? I don't, and you shouldn't either. The fraternity isn't mad these members did this, the behavior is obviously completely acceptable by KA standards. The proof is, tons of members of KA saw this, and liked it, and probably shared and laughed about it, it wasn't a KA member that said, "Hey Bros this is not cool, take it down or I am telling..."
Right?

So then that means the fraternity (as in the national body) is just mad over the negative PR. The members got suspended, not because of their actions, but because of the actions of the general public. The fraternity is not mad their members did this, the fraternity is mad their members got caught doing this, and mad that other people are mad about it.
Right?

If all of us saw this, and thought, oh well, thats Mississippi and said nothing, guess what KA would say? Yep, it is Mississippi, and that is just how it is, and we believe in free speech, freedom of association, freedom to be racist, or not, or whatever excuse people make to look the other way.
Right?

So to all my friends working in higher education? Working in Greek Life specifically... I know we hate how national organizations look the other way on hazing, on sexual assaults, on alcohol abuse, but will we fight the same on racism? I mean we haven't... but yet so many of you go HAM on Trump, HAM on claims to be progressive but daily we let students get away with this? Daily we let Greek Life marginalize minorities and exclude people, daily we let this happen. I worked in the industry, I could have done more and I didn't, I'll admit it. Now I am here to say enough, and we need to stand up to this or it will never end.
Right?

So... is the photo offensive? Or is the action offensive? Will you say oh well, or will you say enough? Will Greeks begin to admit to their racist past, and present, and then try and fix the future? Or will we all continue to just look the other way and wish things changed... cause guess what, they won't change unless we start doing something about it...
Right?

I think the saying goes we can't expect a different result unless we do different things. Right? So will we stop looking the other way? Will we stop pretending Edgewater doesn't exist? Will we stop pretending recruitment wasn't designed to keep out difference? Will we have the hard conversations? We have pretended for a long time... will there actually be a hard conversation around this at AFA this year? Let's be honest, the track record in the industry is that we want these conversations to go away...
Right?

Let me be clear, this is not a ploy for me to come and speak to your campus. I actually figure this means less friends will want to book me, cause hey I am mad, and I won't hold it in anymore... you want me to come to campus, I want to be honest... let's start keeping it real here, cause I love Greek Life, I love my fraternity, but all have flaws and they won't get fixed unless we try to fix them...
Right?

Just Wanted A Haircut

Tonight I took Cruz for a haircut. While we waited, a group of gentlemen from Dungarvin were also there getting haircuts. Cruz noticed, but didn't stare, or even ask me a question. We waited our turn and he got a great haircut.

While he was getting his haircut, the couple gentlemen and their helper left. The guy next to me made a comment like "wow that was interesting". I spoke up and said yeah, it is great they are out getting a haircut on this nice night. Not getting the potential negative agreement he was fishing for, the guy and I actually then struck up a good conversation about quality of life for people, all people.

As Cruz and I drove home I asked him if he noticed anything different about the guys in there, "yeah the one guy was kinda loud, and the other guy needed helped moving." I asked him what did he think of it, "Nothing really". I asked him if they scared him, "No, just different, they just wanted a haircut."

Beaming with pride, I asked him, what he would do if someone made fun of them or asked them to leave. "I would ask them to stop being mean, and tell them to stay."

It was nice to hear that, that in a time when so many in the public eye are telling people to be mean or judge others, my little guy knows, those guys just wanted a haircut, and that they are just like him.

Sometimes as a parent you feel like a total failure. Sometimes, you are so proud of your kids you aren't sure what you did to deserve them.

Tonight Cruz just wanted a haircut, and it turned into so much more, and something that I needed to hear tonight. Thanks world, all is not lost.

Perfect Leadership Expectations

I am not perfect, far from it. 

It is a daily struggle to balance expectations and capacity and while I am proud of what I have accomplished so far in life, I know I fall short a lot. It was part of my reflection when I turned 40. I wanted to write more especially for those who maybe look up to me, or those I am mentoring, to not let your flaws hold you back. 

I have found that as I got into more successful or public roles the stress and pressure rise and the stakes are higher. What I have found the most difficult to handle is that there is an expectation to be perfect. You are judged at a different level, and I get it, similar to elected officials, there is a higher bar of expectations both personally and professional. Not sure that is fair, but I understand it. 

Maybe this is my way to help break that cycle of expectations. To tell others that they don’t have to strive for perfection, just focus, work hard, do what you think is right, and be honest with those around you. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

Feels good to say it. From doubts on if I spend enough time with my kids, finished a home project, completed a grant, to feeling like I could of done more, haunt me. Each time I accomplish something that I am proud of, I get something pointed out to me, or that I notice, where I wish I had done something different. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

As a human being I am still learning, still growing, still finding my way in the world. I want to make an impact, I want to help, I want to use my skills to make a difference. I often feel like the more I do, the more questions I get of “why did you do that?”. Especially when I make a mistake, it gets judged twice as hard versus if I was just sitting back and not pushing myself. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

We all need to give leaders a break, including me. I actually caught myself the other day putting really high expectations on someone, and I realized I do it as well… that person is also trying, also balancing life, also just trying to learn and grow. We can’t expect 180% everyday and no mistakes, things happen. 

I am not perfect, far from it. 

To everyone that has helped me up when I made a mistake, thank you. To those who expect a lot from me and push me to accomplish more, thank you. To those who judge me over a perception, thank you for the critique, and I forgive you. We all do it, I am trying to do it less and I at least won’t judge you for judging me. It’s a start. 

No one is perfect. 

In a world that is slow to give second chances, be the one who gives a third chance to someone. Be the one who doesn’t expect perfect but expects effort, passion, dedication, drive, etc. The world needs more understanding, not higher expectations, the world needs compassion not judgement. 

Share your imperfections. 

I wrote a blog earlier this year to be what you need for others, so now let others know your flaws so it validates theirs and might help you build a connection. I have a confidence that comes off as condescending, so I sometimes come across as cold to people at first meeting. As the leader of a group I tend to get credit for our successes, I try to share credit, I try to be clear its a team effort. I try to tell those around me how much I appreciate their effort, support, partnership, but sometimes I forget. I wish I was better at being thankful. 

My list of imperfections is long… so I’ll stop there. Save some others to share later. Thank you to all my friends and colleagues who love me the way I am. I am not perfect, far from it, neither are you, but hey, we all make the world a more perfect place, together. 

The Attitude One Is for Me

My youngest turned 5 last week, my oldest turns 18 in just over a month. Yeah lots going on in Casa de Centellas these days... I wanted to share a funny story, but also just share a little about my little one.

A while back we got contracts from the kids' school. Both Mari and Cruz go to the same school. So I got them together in the kitchen, and before I signed it I wanted to read to them what is expected of the parents, and what is expected of them. The list of their expectations went a little something like this...

Come ready for school
Keep your hands to yourself
Choose your attitude
No bullying
Do your homework
Etc.

As I finished the list, I asked them, do you guys understand and will follow these rules? Mari right away replies:

"The attitude one is for me, the rest is for Cruzy"

She's sassy and she knows it. I kinda like it, I mean I want her to speak her mind. I want her to challenge things when she thinks they don't make sense. I want her to be her, and express her feelings and frustrations. I do want her to eat more vegetables though without fighting me. Win some, you lose some.

When I drop the kids off to school as they jump out I tell them to work hard, be a leader, and that I love them. She often turns around and tells me, "I know Papi!" One day when I picked her up she told me, "Papi I was a leader today", I asked what did you do? "I told everyone what to do, but they didn't listen!" #BossLady

Anyhow, I planned to write this into more of a lesson of some sorts that I learn from her, but really just wanted to find a blog to use this favorite photo of Mari from a SB Cubs game last summer. She snatched my glasses off my head, put them on, and said, "I don't like these glasses" but then didn't give them back. She is a real charmer.

I try to post about her antics as we drive to school daily. I pick her up most days from her morning preschool to take her to the afternoon preschool. What seems like a hassle is really a blessing, our chats in the car and seeing her grow and mature this year has been fun. Or getting to chat with her teacher at pick up about something she did in class she wasn't supposed to (they never wait to tell you good things unfortunately, or at least that has never happened. ha)

Next year she will be in kindergarten, I won't have to pick her up midday... I'll miss those times but I hope I never tire of that sass and 'tude (might regret this post when she turns 13).

Look out world, this five year old is coming to get ya.

No Endorsements. Plenty of Advice

Well South Bend is in full campaign season... lots of people running which in the end is a good thing. In the short-term though it will be tense, will get contentious, and the person with the most votes will win.

Let me make a few general statements on my role during elections and campaigns.

I do not endorse candidates. NONE. 
Yes there are people I like, people I don't like. Some of the people I like, I will vote for, some of the people who I don't like, I might vote for, and some candidates that I consider friends... won't get my vote, or my endorsement. Like I said, I don't do endorsements. I do so for a couple reasons, mostly though as the head of a community organization it isn't my role to get involved in politics and elections aside from helping people be informed, registered, and to cast their vote.

I will meet with any candidate. ANY. 
Yep, any candidate that asks for some of my time, I will do my best to find a time to meet with them. When we meet, I won't let them buy my meal, and I won't buy theirs, its a mutual and even meeting. I will answer their questions about the community I serve, give them my personal opinions and talk about what is important to my community.

I do attend candidate events. WHEN I CAN.
Yes I will attend some events, usually based on my schedule or timing, not because of an endorsement or event that I find more important. I am a voter, and I am a community member, and I am also listening and learning and deciding how I want to vote.

I like a lot of things on Facebook. LIKES AREN'T ENDORSEMENTS. 
I generally avoid liking campaign pages, or fundraising events. I like both local political parties on Facebook. I follow a lot of groups, both left and right leaning pages. Those who know me know I am a non-traditional voter, plus I am not endorsing anyone (I mentioned that already right?).

I have friends in politics. NOT ENDORSING FRIENDS.
I am friends with a lot of candidates, both on social media and in real life. So I might like their pictures, doesn't mean I am endorsing them, might not even mean I am voting for them. It doesn't matter what party, what part of town, what culture or views on policy... no endorsements.

I am not sure if La Casa de Amistad will make a formal statement before the local primary. We are always in a hard spot as candidates want to engage our community, and we want our community to get involved, but we won't make endorsements. I wanted to put this out to be clear on my role.

Finally, remember there is a difference between the right person winning, who you think should win, and who actually gets the votes and... wins. Good luck to all.

What it takes to be Mayor

So much talk right now: Who is running for mayor? Who do you think would be best? What do you like about so and so, and what do you think is... so I figured I would write down my thoughts.

I think there are four key things that are important for someone running for any office, let along for mayor here in South Bend. My suggestions here will be focused on the replacement though for Mayor Pete and why some of my main four things, desire, experience, skills and timing will impact this election maybe more than others.

DESIRE 
This is the no brainer, but someone has to want, or at a minimum be willing to do it. There are a lot of people who want to do it, but don't have the experience, skills or good timing... and there are a lot of people who would make a perfect mayor, but lack the desire. You can't get voluntold into a role like this, you have to want it, BUT most importantly, you have to want it for the right reasons. The KEY here is the difference between desire and a dream, a desire is something you want for the right reasons, and those reasons motivate you to do the job well for those you serve.

EXPERIENCE
It is important that the candidate for any role be able to articulate how they will handle the specific tasks related to the job. Here many people confuse similar roles to the needed experience. Being a good city council member doesn't mean you can be a good mayor, the roles are very different. Being a business owner doesn't mean you can be a successful mayor. For the same reason many assistant directors, when promoted to director fail, they think they understand the job but don't, or the things that made them a good assistant made them a bad director. The KEY to watch here is most politicians spend time explaining to you how much they care about improving ABC, but give you no ideas on how they will make that change, usually cause they don't know how. So watch for boring answers with details, not fancy replies that emotionally excite you.

SKILLS
Now here I mean skills or personality traits, like the ability to handle loneliness (its lonely at the top), the ability to see differing perspectives, the ability to fight for someone you don't like, the ability to balance getting blamed for things started before you took over and knowledge that you might not be around to see the actual fruits of your labor and ideas. Those types of skills, yeah using email, tech, knowledge of neighborhoods, etc. are all also good skills. The KEY here is not to confuse experience with skills... there are a lot of people who have done a job for a long time, and don't have the skills to do it well. This is also were people discount age (too young, too old), but skills are skills regardless of age.

TIMING
Maybe one of the most important to be honest... someone can have the desire, the experience, the skills to do it, but if the timing is off it doesn't work. Either they won't run, or they won't do a good job because of distractions. The KEY here is that jobs are like relationships, timing matters, timing matters a lot in terms of potential personal success.

Over the next few weeks we will see a lot of people jumping in to run for mayor. It will not be easy to fill the shoes of Mayor Pete. I'll be honest, when he ran he lacked experience, but the timing was spot on, his desire true, and as we know his skills in handling the city were well matched to the job. It will be hard for candidates to be compared to him, and I think it will be a loss to try to find a someone most like him. We need to find the next Mayor of South Bend, with the skills we need to continue the momentum we have started.

So let's ask good questions of those wanting to run, to those supporting candidates, and lets make sure we get out the vote...

Resolve To Be The Person You Need

We all have that person, that no matter what anyone else says, or no matter how much you hear something, until that person says something, nothing else matters. Or is that just me? Sometimes we have different people for different aspects of our lives, work, family, love, hobbies, etc. 

I have been lucky, the people I rely on in my life are generally forward with their opinions and tell me what I need to hear, when I need to hear it, because I am not perfect, far from it. I thrive off feedback, I like to check-in, I like to hear if things are going well, or hear if they aren't going well... I need constant feedback on how things are going. 

We all strive for success in life, often times feeling like the more we try the farther the target gets. I feel like that a lot lately, and sometimes it can push you to goals you never thought possible, and sometimes it can depress like you like crazy thinking you will never get there... often times the fulcrum which decides which way to feel is one person, the feedback of that one person that you are waiting on. Yeah others give you input, but you need it from that one person, and when it's not there, it's hard. 

Sometimes people don't give input, feedback or advice because they think maybe you already heard it, don't want to bloat your ego, or they don't want to hurt your feelings, or think you might already know. However, we assume they don't give input because they don't care. I am struggling with this myself so looking for input as well.

I have one resolution and some suggestions: 

My resolution to all is "To Be the Person You Need". That means to others, to your friends, your co-workers, your family, be for them what you need. Guess what? You might be their one, the one they seek feedback from, the one they are waiting to say something. So being the person you need to others, might open up others to be the one for you. 

Ask the person you need, if you can be there for them on something. Then tell them you need input, tell them how important input is to you, and that you want to give them the feedback they need. 

This year I had several people, tell me things that maybe I didn't want to hear. So this year because someone was the person I needed, I am now trying to be more vulnerable, more open, more introspective. I think it has brought me some clarity on items, clouded others, but made me value certain things more. Mostly all positive, some that I still struggle with, but am growing. 

So I am asking you to be the person you need in 2019. I also am asking you to be the person I need, and help me grow through different challenges and a mixture of support. If anything I think that 2018 taught me is that we need each more now than ever, there isn't room for negative people, so don't be one, and be the person who others need. 

Giving Thanks!

Thanksgiving. Traditions and family rituals often times just get reproduced with little thought, and slowly over time merge and change. I was thinking this year, in wake of all the talks of immigration, caravans, asylum, welcoming the stranger and building a wall… I got to thinking about the original story of Thanksgiving that I was told.

The pilgrims (AKA Immigrants) came to this continent and suffered. The native population not only welcomed them, but helped them, taught them to plant corn and prepared them for life in this new land. The pilgrims were thankful, thankful for generosity, thankful for the friendship, thankful for their future.

I want to shout out all my friends that I am thankful for… don’t worry friends, those of you that I am thankful for, I won’t force you off your lands and enslave you.

This was a milestone year. I turned 40. I lost 50 pounds. I did a FASFA app for my child. We buried my last grandparent. There were lots of personal and professional projects, some challenges, but a great year to find focus and toward the future.

I want to thank everyone who assisted and supported me this year. Friends that checked in on how I am doing, reminded me that I am not alone. For colleagues who supported my work, challenged me to do more, from my team to La Casa, to IUSB friends, to all my current and past OutSight clients. We spend a large amount of time at work, so supportive structures there are important. To my family that love me no matter what, that supported my drive to a healthier life, that picked me up when I was down, thank you.

Any one of you reading this fits into one of those categories… my family isn’t just blood, it is my fraternity, my close friends that feel like family… GRACIAS. My work folks aren’t just at La Casa, they are on local boards, city committees, etc. and of course just all my friends. It’s nice knowing I can go anywhere in town and see a friend, say hi, chat, and connect.

Thank you everyone. I am mega thankful for a fantastic year. Thankful for friends. Thankful for my health, my family, my kids, and just in general my life. It’s not perfect, but man it is pretty fantastic.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Pumpkin Pie Titan

Just over ten years ago I set foot on the campus of IU South Bend as the new Director of Student Life. That job made me a Hoosier, made me a #IHeartSouthBend groupie, and connected my family and I forever to this community.

I was there when the first students moved onto campus, there when we planned major concerts, when we added sports, when campus was growing, started Greek Life, and just plain out had a great time, with amazing staff, and supported some stellar students.

Over the past ten years I have gotten to see my former students go on to grad school, professional careers, community leaders and I even hired one at La Casa. Over the past 6 years I got to watch campus from a far, but still got to poke around campus here and there as a guest speaker, panelist, event volunteer and this summer even got to be an adjunct professor for a class. I always get a little nostalgic when I am on campus for something.

Last week I walked onto the IUSB campus and ate this delicious pumpkin pie. No I don't normally like fall pumpkin everything, and first thing I thought was man Cruz will be jealous (he loves pumpkin pie).

It was the end of lunch in the Chancellor's Dinning Room that was part of the campus advisory board meeting (campus Board of Directors), and it got me reflecting on my time as a Titan. Board Page: LINK

It was a huge honor when the chancellor asked me to serve. Honestly I thought, am I ready for this? At my first meeting I sat between a Mayor and major business owner turned elected official. The list of people on the board is like a local Who's Who, and then me.

Then I looked across the table from me and there sat Karen White. The Karen White, the person who interviewed me now over 11 years ago for a job at IUSB, the city council member, long time community leader, and all around amazing person. She introduced me to this community, she taught me to realize potential, nominated me for roles, trusted me and always gave me feedback (positive or negative). Thank you Karen for believing in me.

I am looking forward to this role with IUSB. To all my Titan friends, past and current students, faculty or staff... #GoTitans!

Greatest Generation, Greatest Grandpa Harold

On September 7th, 2018, Harold Coates of Saginaw, MI passed away. He was a husband, father, mechanic, good Christian, small business owner, fisherman, teacher of water skying to many grandkids (including me), World War II Vet, and mostly importantly my grandpa.

Don't feel sorry for me, or for him. He lived a tremendous life, and less than 12 months ago his wife of 72 years, Grandma Millie, departed this world. Most of us knew he wouldn't be far behind, and I know he didn't want to be far behind. We talked last week, and he mentioned how great his life was, and how much he missed grandma.

When my grandma passed I wrote a little about the things that she taught me. The power of kindness, the importance of routine, and the value of silence. Blog Link.

So I thought, what can I write about my grandpa? He taught me to love cars; he dropped out of high school to work at a garage. He changed tires, pumped gas, worked hard. He fell in love with a woman one year older and tad taller than him. He made a trip to Hawaii to serve our country. He returned and raised a family. He bought the garage he worked at, then opened a second location and called them Coates Tire. He was a good boss, strong business man, and always did what he could to support his family.

He saw his oldest son earn a Purple Heart in Vietnam. He saw his only daughter be the first to go away to college, and then away to Bolivia to work and ultimately get married and raise a family on the other side of the world. He saw his youngest drive cross country in the hippie days and then return to be a small business owner just him (Coates's Closet). In the middle of that he caught a lot of blue gills, fixed a lot of bobbers, gave many grandkids deals on tires, and rarely missed a Sunday at church. He saw his three kids, have eight kids, and those eight kids gave them a gang of great grandkids that kept them busy.

Grandpa was humble, he accomplished a ton, but you would never hear it from him. He always asked if you needed something, and for all us grandkids (well I hope that rest of you got this...) he sent me money once a month during my first year of college. It was enough to get some pizza and stress about one less thing a month. It more meant that he was thinking about me, and that was worth more than the money.

As I mentioned in my grandma's blog, I lived with them for probably the hardest months of my life. When my family decided to stay in the USA, my parents went back to sell everything, and Miguel and I stayed behind to start school. To say it was hard is an understatement, to say what my Grandparents did to help us acculturate is beyond measure.

Not sure what else to write. I think the best tribute we can leave to those who help raise us is to live a life that would make them proud. Not sure I can compete grandpa, but I will do my best to be half as good of a grandpa as you were to me. Love you.

Fit At Forty

Time for a new hashtag. This past weekend I turned forty. It was at a doctor appointment around this time last year that my doctor said I needed to go on high blood pressure meds. I said no, I won't do it, not this young, and I made a plan to get my blood pressure down. (Why I Did It Blog)

I started slow, just thinking I would eat healthier, work out once or twice a week... I think it was really my meals that got me rolling. Once I was cutting carbs, eating healthier out to eat (hard to avoid in my industry) and for sure eating better when I traveled... I started to see results. I am still doing usually one meal a day of Greek Yogurt, and when I eat out no more burgers and less tortillas (I am only human), and a lot more salads. (How I Did It: The Meals Blog)

Once the meals got my weight loss rolling I started upping the workouts. I was seeing results, and that motivated me to get more. I was spinning (on my own usually) 2 to 3 times a week, yoga one day a week, and weights/running here and there... I hadn't run in years... I thought it was my bad back that took me out of running, but it was the weight that was killing my back. When I did my original blog on my workouts I still was not running... now I run, not only do I run, but I am faster than I was at 30 when I got in shape for my wedding. I also am running twice as far as I did in my 30s. (How I Did It: The Workouts)

So now the #FitForForty is #FitAtForty

I feel better than I have in probably twenty years. I remember it was in grad school that I passed 186 pounds... I joked and said it was my "Beta Weight" (fraternity was founded in 86). At my peak I was nearly 210 pounds when I left Albion College in 2008 and moved to South Bend. Well I recently weighed in at 148.6 which I will say is even a better "Beta Weight" (we were founded April 1986).

I lost from peak to today about 55-60 pounds. So the other day I picked up Cruz (weighs about 50 pounds) and straddle carried him up the stairs to see the difference. WOW. I could barely get to the top without struggling, and I can't imagine I did that several times a day before.

How Immigrant News Has Changed

It was an interesting week in news, so interesting that I had to write a blog about it. Also, no I won't end this blog saying I will blog more, cause lets be honest, that ship sailed.

The week started with news that Adam Driver (might know him as Kylo Ren) claimed that he remembered KKK rallies here in town (he grew up where I now live). Right away an IU history professor and local history expert here both jumped all over it. Saying he was wrong, of course they are experts, and he is just an actor right? Well then the correction to the correction came, a drove of news stories, personal recounts, and photos of all the KKK activity that did occur in this area when Adam Driver was growing up. News story: Indystar Article

Why were people so anxious to discredit Adam Drivers recount of seeing racism?

The week continued with the news about the immigrant accused in the murder of Iowa college student Mollie Tibbetts. It was like a racist field day, even the official White House media channel was putting out anti-immigrant propaganda as a result of the news. Like there wasn't any other criminal news this week, for example a handful of the President's good friends who got found guilt of major crimes... What was nice was to see all the news and media outlets point out the fact that immigrants commit less crimes than Americans. I mean my picture of the USA Today front page was my most popular post since my selfie with Anderson Cooper.

Why were people so excited to get to blame an immigrant for a high profile crime?

Today (8/24/18) in the ND Observer there was a nice little racist inspired article about how bad Dreamers are... it was an editorial and it well written (grammatically). The problem was the opinion on the value of immigrants, specifically dreamers, and then the "facts" used to prove the point. At first when I read it I thought, man I want to break down all these facts and prove them all wrong. Then I thought, that won't make a difference, but what will make a difference? Here is the article: ND Observer Article

Why did these three stories get me thinking? Here we see a difference to me is in who is what.

Who is saying what and how they say it matters. An actor says he remembers KKK activity and academics jump in quick to discredit him. An immigrant commits a crime and all the racists are ready to jump all over it. A Notre Dame student writes their opinion on dreamers and people start to think... maybe he has a point? Why?

There is a change now in who people think are racists, and the change in that narrative is throwing people off. The narrative was easier to discredit when we thought it was only skin heads; we labeled them misfits, uneducated, outcasts, violent, bitter... but now things have changed. The people who are spouting this today are educated. They wear khakis, they march with tiki torches, they attend ivy league schools. It was an IU Professor who tried to discredit Adam Driver, it is the White House spouting nonsense about immigrants and crime, and a well educated Notre Dame student spread fake news and skewed "facts".

As activists we got lazy. We used to easily discredit skin heads and he crazy anti-immigrant ranters. Now we have a more sophisticated opponent. We have to be vigilant. We have to continue to fight the narrative regardless of where it comes from... because people are getting others to believe them. We can't just label these people as crazy, we must find ways to engage people in the middle to our side, not just try to discredit the other side. 

We must resist. We must resist smarter.

For my Mothers out there!

I was reflecting, on how great of a mom I have, and how great D is as a mom, and how blessed I am to have such a great relationship with Tamara. I am a blessed man, my children and I are lucky as can be, and I wish I could do more to honor all of them in the way they deserve.

I tried this week to tell all the moms in my life an early Happy Mother's Day. From the mothers that I work with, to my friends that are great moms. There are so many jobs that women hold in our lives, from friend to partner, and from student to CEO, and sister to mother... so many roles and maybe more importantly so many expectations.

I also try to think this week of those without mothers... for my mom, we recently lost grandma Millie, and this is her first Mother's Day without her mom. A special shout out to my friends who have struggled to become moms, or maybe to those who can't be moms or chose not to be and have to face all the pressure society puts on women to be moms.

As usual my kids made some art projects at school for moms. Mari already broke what she made, Cruz just finished coloring his, and I have to remember where I hid our present to mom. I think I remember now... later we will try to plant flowers. That is a tradition of something we always did for my mom growing up and that my kids continue to do to honor their mom. Its a fun way, and good timing (except through the rain this weekend) for new spring flowers.

This year I will try to be better and make sure the moms in my life know how great they are all year round. That they are perfect, and don't have to try to be more, or like another mom. I am blessed, I couldn't be more blessed if I wanted to be, and I think we all need to remember to tell the moms in our lives that more often. I will try this year.

Well.. on to regularly scheduled Mother's Day programming... taking D to brunch and give her presents from the kids and gotta Facetime my mama.

A Day In the Life

I get asked a lot, what my days look like since I am so busy. I hate the term "busy", I prefer efficient. I think busy sounds like you are out of control, I am focused on being effective. Friday was crazy, but most days get crazy, and I thought, man I need to document my day. I usually Instagram a little, maybe Tweet, for sure some FB posts... I am documenting this to show people that its not hard work, you just have to be consistent, say yes when people ask for help, and get out of your comfort zone... and focus on being effective with your time.

5:15 AM - GYM TIME
If you follow me regularly you know that I am turning 40 later this year and trying to get in shape. Rode bike for 25 minutes, 20 minutes of weights, and then some stretching to get ready for the day.

6:30 AM - DONUT DAY
Its donut day with the kids. On the way home from the gym snagged my coffee, and their donuts for the ride to school.

7:30 AM - DROP OFFs
Maybe my favorite part of the day is dropping off the little ones. I give C good intentions before he walks in for school. Tell him to be kind, be a leader, work hard... Then I drop off M and she needs no intentions... she bursts in ready to own the classroom. Ah.

8:30 AM - WESTERN AVE
Swung by La Casa and then a Western Ave business to talk to an owner about a project. I also picked up some buttons and pan dulce... hey it's donut day.

9:30 AM - CITIZENSHIP CEREMONY
Went up to Notre Dame for the USCIS Citizenship swearing in ceremony. Helped with set up and last minute items. Connected media to some interviews and took time to finalize my speech.

11:30 AM - SPEECH
I had the honor of speaking after the Honorable Judge Ann Williams and I gave her one of our buttons. It is always powerful being a part of these ceremonies, like I said in my speech, immigrants remind me of my story, of my dad's story and that the American Dream is still alive.

1 PM - MANGO CAFE
Lunch at Mango with the La Casa team and a volunteer from our citizenship class. Love supporting immigrant owned businesses and man their yucca frita reminds me of home... did I mention donut day is diet cheat day?

3 PM - DEVELOPMENT
Met with realtors downtown on a development project. Hopefully good news and details coming soon. I try to remember on long term projects, you are either driving change, or you are watching it.

4 PM - IDEA WEEK
I am on the steering committee for the inaugural IDEA Week. We did a presser at the Brew Werks giving away tickets for the Chainsmokers concert and gave out information on IDEA Week.

6 PM - EL OTRO LADO
Went to Civil Rights Heritage Center for a panel discussion and the kick off of an art gallery featuring art from La Casa kids about immigration. Part of our events around the One Book title this year, "The Distance Between Us". Bummed I couldn't stay for entire panel discussion.

7:30 PM - BEACON BOUTS
I was asked to box for a good cause; the Beacon Center in South Bend. I like a good cause and a good challenge, so I agreed. I boxed Jacob Titus and we raised nearly $30k! Tons of fun with friends and my kids got to watch... wow boxing is a crazy hard workout!

9 PM - ICE CREAM
I had some restraint on donut day... on the way home took the kids for ice cream. The two little ones enjoyed the boxing match and sat ringside to cheer me on. I passed on dessert but got some take out, and we went home to get ready for bed.

WHEW. Next week right back at it...

I can't dance (or sing), but come to my musical

So tonight is the night, "In The Heights" opens at the South Bend Civic Theatre tonight at 7:30PM. It is my stage debut... I can't sing, I don't even read music, and I really can't dance (I pretend well) and have never been in a choreographed number. So why am I in a musical tonight?

REPRESENTATION

Our Cast (me in blue tank top)

When my friend, Aaron, the Executive Director of the theatre told me they were bringing the famed Lin-Manuel Miranda musical here... I thought whoa yes! And then I thought... oh crap... we got to do this thing right... how can I help?

The Civic has done it right, they advertised castings in Spanish, on Spanish radio, we even did auditions at La Casa de Amistad, we promoted it at Latin Dance downtown... and we got it, a diverse cast.

So why am I in the cast? Well, if I was asking people to audition for it, I couldn't be a hypocrite and sit back and say, "Thats not for me"... cause guess what, Aaron told me that the Civic should be, and is for everyone...

REPRESENTATION MATTERS

Aaron Nichols, SB Civic Theatre

So I auditioned, I warned them, I can't really sing... they told me they would push me to learn. Then I broke the news to them, I don't really dance, I do merengue and bachata cause hey, its easy and most people are worse than me so I generally look alright on the dance floor... and they again told me they would push me to be better.

I got a role, ensemble, AKA back up dancer and singer. I figured cool, I made it, and the role would not be a lot of work. I was wrong... it was a lot of work. We started months ago, several nights a week, learning the songs, learning the choreo, learning about theatre... this week I spent nearly 30 hours at the theatre.

I will reflect more on my experience later. It was hard for an engineer to be involved in a musical... it has been a challenge, but you know whats good for this soon to be forty year old? Having to learn new things, to push myself, to make myself step out of my comfort zone.

REPRESENTATION MATTERS, SO I REPRESENTED

Tonight I step out of my comfort zone. Tonight I represent Bolivia on that state, I represent local immigrants, I represent immigrant kids who might think they can never be in theatre... hey you can, look at me, this old man learned, and this old man will miss a few steps tonight, and come in a second late in a spot (or two, or three), but the show will be amazing, filled with talented local folks, singing and dancing their hearts out and telling you a beautiful story of a low income immigrant neighborhood in New York...

Enjoy the show... to my cast members, thanks for helping me along, to the crew thanks for including so many cool South Bend Latino/Immigrant things into the set, and lets break a leg tonight.

ALZA LA BANDERA! 

What I told Anderson Cooper about Dreamers

It’s been a year since my interview with Anderson Cooper. As usual 80% of what you tell a journalist doesn’t make the news… so I wanted to write it down. I told him two stories; this is my family one that I share a lot when I speak about immigration and about Dreamers… 

I was a child, brought to this country by my parents, I am not technically a Dreamer but close. Why is no one mad at this child immigrant? 

Let me tell you a story…

My mom was born in Saginaw, MI, red hair, green eyes, requires SPF 75, and most would consider her about as American as apple pie. After college she went to Bolivia to do missionary work, fell in love with the country, and later fell in love with my dad. They got married, started a family, and never planned to move to the USA. In 1984 they planned a trip to Michigan for Christmas. 

We packed for a short trip, I kissed my abuelita, wrestled with my dog Tony, and told my cousins I'll be back in two weeks. (Blog about my first Christmas)

Couple days after Christmas, my brothers and I were enjoying the snow, playing with presents, and our parents sat us down, and told us, we weren’t going back. My mom was pregnant with my little sister, and the Bolivian economy that year had over 2,000% inflation (not a typo) and in 1985 it was over 16,000%!  They explained that life would be better here.

It didn’t feel better...

I lived with my grandparents that spoke no Spanish (my parents went back to sell everything). I spoke little English, it was very cold, and no one else played soccer. I started school right away and couldn’t understand anything except math class.

I would never see my dog Tony again. I wouldn’t get to kiss my abuelita for many years. I didn’t play pick up soccer with my cousins again until I was a teenager.

I came to this country, like most Dreamers, by “no fault of my own” as they say. My status is not challenged, I am “good immigrant”, who did it the right way.  Did my family seeking the American Dream impede on your ability to chase that same dream? I don’t think so, so why are you mad at Juan? Am I not taking people’s jobs? Am I not the negative things people say about immigrants?

I was born an American citizen...  

We had support systems when we arrived to get on our feet. Even with a green card my family couldn't get most government supports, but my dad was able to get construction work right away, and once he learned English was able to get better paying jobs and eventually back into accounting. With a SS number I worked in high school and I got to fill out FASFA for college, and got grants and subsidized loans.

Compared to my Dreamer friends… who get accused of using government resources…. but who can’t. I paid in-state tuition, got loans, and other government benefits of being a citizen. 

So why is no one mad at me?

It’s where you easily see the racism. Regardless of how I came, my impact is exactly the same as Juan from Mexico. It’s where you see our country’s history of treating immigrants horribly. My dad, green card or not, had it hard. In our history every major immigrant group had its stereotypes, and now people are against Mexicans/Latinos, and make negative myths, and take advantage of them.

I look like my mom, was born an American, and so I had it easier. Yes my immigration story wasn't easy, but not as hard as it has been for others and I often wish I could trade places. To carry their burden for them, and in a way I am trying today in my work now to make it right. 

So how do we change? We have to expose the truth, teach people what is happening, why it is happening, and discuss real solutions. When I told Anderson Cooper this story he replied that my story, and those of Dreamers, is the story of America. The story of seeking opportunity, the true definition of “The American Dream”.

So what can you do? Lot's, here are some suggestions: Want to Help?